Have you ever had a man break up with you and you felt it was because he was “afraid of commitment”, or that he just wasn’t “ready”?
Or maybe you’ve been in a relationship with a man who didn’t leave… but inside you knew he wasn’t really as committed or in love as you were and it caused all kinds of tension and worry?
If you’ve ever been in this kind of situation with a man, then you know how it feels to become less and less certain and satisfied as you spend more and more time and energy on your relationship.
I’m about to share with you the 3 simple steps of how you can completely AVOID this painful and frustrating situation in the future… and turn around any current relationship that has this going on.
First, let me ask you something important-
Do men really just not like being in open, loving, committed relationships with women?
And are men really and truly afraid of commitment?
Well, here’s something fascinating I want you to think about…
Like most women, I’m sure you’ve seen the situation where a man was totally convinced that he was happy being a single bachelor…
But when the right woman came along, it was as if EVERYTHING changed in an instant.
All the old beliefs the guy had about being single simply went out the window.
And all of a sudden he was completely taken with the idea of being with this one woman.
HE was the one “courting” and pursuing HER, when he had sworn to remain single and “free” days or weeks ago.
Give me a silent nod if you know what I’m talking about and you’ve seen this happen.
It seems certifiably crazy, right?
Why is it that men change their minds so quickly and so radically?
And why can’t they be more consistent, more honest, and know what they want?
The reality is that when most men are acting “unavailable” or not “ready” for a relationship, it’s often NOT because they are afraid of a real relationship or COMMITMENT.
I know, I know. I can just see you rolling your eyes in frustration right now because you’ve seen so much “proof” in your life that men really are afraid of love and real relationships.
I want you to suspend your disbelief here for a second.
Here’s the thing…
I’m going to give it to you straight as a man…
When a man acts completely uninterested in a real relationship, or doesn’t want to commit, could it be that maybe… just maybe…it has NOTHING to do with his fear of commitment?
What if is SOMETHING ELSE entirely?
Think about it for a second…
When a man physically leaves or emotionally withdraws from a relationship, the common response most women have is to think of all the reasons why he did this and what it means about HIM.
Here’s a few common examples of this kind of thinking:
“He’s got commitment issues.”
“He’s just not emotionally mature.”
“He’s not ready.”
“He was intimidated by me and afraid of the real love we have.”
“He still needs to go out and play with other women before he’ll be able to be with one woman.”
If you’re like LOTS of women I’ve known and talked to, then you’ve have had these same thoughts when one of YOUR relationships was in jeopardy or ended.
The REAL TRUTH is that when someone pulls away from or leaves a relationship, BOTH partners play a role.
It’s not simply that the man is afraid of love or commitment.
And sure… guys can SAY AND DO things to make you think they’re afraid of commitment, like pull away emotionally, or do things to make a more committed relationship difficult.
But this doesn’t mean that what they’re telling you or how you perceive their actions represents what they’re REALLY thinking and feeling.
In other words, a man being distant, afraid of the future, or acting indifferent is just a symptom of how a man FEELS when he’s around you.
Men are emotional too – just in different ways and at different times.
So where am I going with all this?
Here’s where I land the plane…
I’m about to reveal a surprising truth that might sting.
It’s like a shot from the doctor – it’ll hurt for a few seconds, but it’s good for your health.
Here’s the “shot”…
Most women play a huge part in DRIVING MEN AWAY from perfectly good relationships.
Of course, if you are one of the women who does this, you usually have little or no idea that you’re doing this.
In fact, you’re COMPLETELY UNCONSCIOUS of your part in pushing a man away because you’re too busy thinking that all your words, emotions, and actions are supposed to be bringing a man closer to you.
And you behave in subtle ways that, little by little, push the man farther and farther away.
Well, what if there were just a few simple steps, THREE to be exact, that if you followed would act like an INSURANCE POLICY against ever driving a man away from you and making him less interested in a future with you?
What if you could double or even triple the likelihood of a quality man “sticking around” long enough to create a solid, exciting, authentic, secure relationship full of passion and connection?
I’m here to tell you that there REALLY IS a simple 3 step process for allowing an amazing relationship to blossom in your life, no matter where things happen to be right now.
It’s right here:
STEP #1: CREATE A SPACE
If you make space, lean back and stop pressuring a man or asking him for more time,more affection, more commitment, more connection… the man will naturally start to gravitate toward you.
After all, he did really like you to begin with.
What’s getting in the way of that now?
Think about it.
Now, the first step here is to have a clear idea of what you want…say it’s to have the man come to you and connect with you on a more meaningful and affectionate level. Maybe he’s been focused on something at work or he’s been tired and you feel a little neglected or left out.
Or, maybe you feel like you want a more solid commitment from him, but he isn’t bringing it up or even acting like it’s on his mind at all. So you want him to talk to you about how he feels about you and where it’s going.
Great, now all you have to do is LEAN BACK and create a space for that. Allow your man to come and fill that space you’ve just created.
You see, if you want something from a man, the worse thing you can do is try to manipulate him with nuances and vague words, talk him into it, criticize him or demand something from him.
This rarely gets you want you want, and it just drives a man further into his shell.
If you want a man to come to YOU and to beg YOU to be with him, then you need to pull back and create the kind of space for it.
You can do this by focusing on your friends or your work or the things you enjoy for a while and simply NOT WORRYING about what the man is thinking about you and the relationship.
Just enjoy yourself and enjoy life and let him come to you.
Enjoy your relationship. Enjoy the time you spend together. Do it without worrying about the “what if’s” and the “what about’s.”
IMPORTANT: Resist the urge to “check in” or get frustrated if things aren’t happening quickly enough and he’s not connecting with you in the way you are hoping.
The goal here is not to bottle everything up and then “explode” in one big mess because he’s not “getting it.”
The idea is to simply let it go and enjoy your life and let HIM come to you, and let HIM be the one to ask for something deeper and more meaningful from you.
Tip: I’ve also referred to this concept before in my newsletters and other programs as the “Convincer” and “Resistor” role. If you’d like to read more in-depth about what this is and how this dynamic is one of the most common ways that women ACCIDENTALLY push a man away, you can read about it on page 103 of my e-book, “Catch Him & Keep Him.”
In my e-book I explain why this is such an easy trap to fall into and WHY men naturally tend to “resist” any plea for engaging in a more committed, real, “serious” relationship.
You can be reading it in minutes when you click here and order your online copy of my e-book now:
Ok, back to it. The other step you can take to give a man that “forever” feeling for you is to:
STEP #2. AVOID MANAGING OR CRITICIZING HIM
One of the most common ways that women drive men away is by constantly identifying MISTAKES a man is making, or ways that a man makes them UNHAPPY, or what he SHOULD be doing, and pointing these out all the time, over and over, without prompting or warning.
How do you know if you’re doing this?
Ask yourself if you’ve ever said these kinds of things to a man:
“Maybe you should (insert piece of advice here).”
“How come you haven’t done that yet?”
“Why did you do that? Now everything is screwed up.”
“I hate it when you do that.”
Whenever the context of what you’re saying fits this tone, the man will feel that you are judging or criticizing him, or that he is doing something that’s making you unhappy.
He’ll feel this way even if your INTENTION wasn’t to criticize or judge.
If you do this enough, you might make a man feel MORE AFRAID of your relationship, or MORE FEARFUL of his ability to make you feel good, and thus feel good about himself as your partner.
He’ll start to wonder if being in the Relationship is the right thing for both of you, and he’ll start pulling away or withdrawing.
STEP #3. BE INTER-DEPENDENT, NOT INDEPENDENT
You give up a lot when you choose to be in a relationship.
You give up having to only worry about how you feel and what you want.
You give up eating only what YOU like to eat all the time.
You give up having your own space with your own stuff.
You give up only thinking of the consequences to YOU when you make major life decisions.
When you are in a relationship, and you want it to be successful, you have to find a way to incorporate your needs with HIS needs, and the needs of the “relationship” too.
For many smart, independent women this can be a challenge when they’re in a relationship.
They believe that being “independent” is a trait that men value in a woman.
And for the most part, they’re right.
Men who like “independent” women see it as being the opposite of “needy” and “clingy.”
An independent woman is a woman who can stand on her own two feet and doesn’t need CONSTANT APPROVAL from a man.
The kind of independent woman that men like is a woman who isn’t afraid to be herself, and to do the things that are fulfilling to her, such as spending time with her friends or enjoying a certain hobby.
But for many women, being “independent” means something a little different. To them, it means not NEEDING a man. It means having their own life and doing their own thing, regardless of what a man wants or thinks.
This kind of thinking can lead to all kinds of misunderstandings and strain in a relationship.
Because you see, being totally “independent” from Your partner and only acting on your OWN needs and desires becomes a negative that sometimes threatens the connection you share.
Instead of being “independent” in that context, be INTER-dependent, which means that you BALANCE your needs and desires WITH HIS in a respectful and mutually-enhancing way.
This means that you consider what the relationship needs before you consider what YOU need or what he needs. I think a lot of bad feelings could be avoided if this was something everyone thought about whenever they hit a rough spot with their partner.
If they could just ask themselves, “What’s right for the relationship, not just for me?
So the next time you go head-to-head over something and you hit an impasse, ask yourself, “What’s right for US, not just for me (or him)?”
Those are the 3 simple steps that you can take today to help turn your relationship from being a source of worry and frustration for you, to being much easier and more connected.
And if you want an even more detailed and in-depth program that you can watch and listen to on CD that could help you transform your relationship from that “casual” stage where a man is UNCERTAIN and going back and forth from wanting to be with you and wanting his “freedom”… there’s something I STRONGLY recommend you check out.
There are specific ways you can tap into that side of a man that will open him up to being the one who starts planning your future with you and talks about all the benefits of a SECURE and COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP together.
And you can “shift” things with a man more quickly and with less “work” than you ever thought possible.
But only if you know how to communicate with a man around the whole concept of COMMITMENT… and show him how it’s completely in HIS best interest…without pleading, convincing or manipulation.
A man will be OPEN to the idea of commitment if you know the NEGATIVE TRIGGERS to avoid that activate a man’s DOUBT and FEAR about you and your relationship together.
And if you haven’t subscribed to my newsletter, you can do it here:
I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.