So – how’s it going?
Do you ever feel frustrated that men don’t know what they want when it comes to love and relationships?
Even when you and a man are already physical, affectionate, and having an amazing time together?
What’s going on here?
Are men really this clueless and frustrating?
In case you haven’t figured this one out for yourself, here’s an important piece of info about how men can be when it comes to “dating” and relationships:
A man can be DOING all the things that say he’s interested and wants more with you… but be FEELING like HE’S NOT READY or wanting more in terms of a RELATIONSHIP at the same time.
It’s enough to drive a woman mad.
And what’s worse… a man can DO all kinds of things with you from hang out to take things to a sexual level… but he won’t COMMUNICATE about what he’s really FEELING.
At least not until after the fact. (After he decides things aren’t “working” and he’s not ready for a serious relationship.)
Ever had a man get close to you and spend lots of time with you… but then he couldn’t get a word out about how he was feeling and what he wanted?
If you know what I’m talking about here, then you know that not-so-great feeling you get when you’re sharing an amazing connection with the man in your life but…
Out of nowhere he does a complete 180 and tells you he doesn’t like your situation or something really important about YOU.
And he’s already made up his mind to LEAVE.
You didn’t even get the chance to know or talk about what was going on inside his head.
How in the world did he think things were supposed to end up working?
Were you supposed to read his mind!?
I get that it must feel IMPOSSIBLE sometimes to get close to a man and have a real relationship.
Well, it’s not.
Tons of other women like you have gone from where you are now to having an easy time communicating with the men in their lives and growing from that UNCERTAIN area of the first few dates to a loving and secure relationship.
I’ve helped plenty of women create that “shift” in their dating life or their relationship that now PREVENTS these frustrating things from happening.
And now I want to share some real-world insights with you about how men think… and how to make things with that right man work for you.
WHY MEN DON’T CALL AGAIN AFTER GREAT DATES
I probably don’t have to tell you that men do this “suddenly pulling away” thing in all different situations from “casual” dating to committed relationships.
And they do it without warning, and for what seems like no good reason at all.
How many times have you gone on a first or second date with a man and had an absolutely fantastic time…
And you were sure he was going to call and felt as strongly about you as you did him…
You had both laughed and found so many things you had in common…
You felt relaxed and confident, and you BOTH had a good time flirting and getting to know one another.
Best of all, that magic chemistry you can only share with the right kind of guy was there. And it was INTENSE.
When you went home after being with him, you were 100% SURE he would call and ask you out again.
He had even said “I’ll call you” as he left.
But then a few days went by… and nothing.
Several days later, after you had wondered about him more than you’d like to admit… you came to the realization that he was NEVER going to CALL.
What’s the deal here!?
Why did he act like it was such a great date… and even say that he’d call you later, when he obviously didn’t plan on it?
Did he lie simply because it was easier in the moment and he didn’t want to hurt your feelings?
And was there something strange going on inside HIM he didn’t want to share, show you, or be honest about?
Or was there something else?
Something you missed that he saw in YOU?
Was there something YOU DID or said that was the REAL REASON he didn’t feel compelled to see you again?
If you’re like a LOT of single women, this sort of thing where a man never calls or makes plans with you again has not only happened to you once, but it’s happened to you a few times.
You’ve spent time with a man who seemed like he could have been great “relationship material”, and who showed all the signs of wanting to grow close to you and get to know you better…
But when push came to shove, he PULLED AWAY for what seemed like no good reason at all.
And he was never available to you to talk about it or tell you why.
Which means… for all the times this has happened to you, a part of you has NEVER learned anything about WHY these things keep happening to you.
Part of you simply feels like you’re “cursed” when it comes to love… and that things just aren’t fated to work out for you with true love.
But, if you’re like lots of women I’ve talked to and helped, then part of you has also made up your own “stories” for WHY these things happened to try and make yourself feel better.
-“He wasn’t that great anyway.”
-“It wasn’t really meant to be.”
-“You’ll find someone better.”
-“It was his loss.”
Recognize any of these?
The reality is that we often make up these “stories” in our lives when we let our FEAR of what the REAL TRUTH about us might be keep us from looking for and finding out who and what we really are… and how others see us.
So let me ask you:
What if a man whom you really and truly liked and connected with was willing to tell you THE TRUTH about why he really never called you again?
Would you be able to listen to him with an open mind and an open heart?
Would you be able to believe him?
And would you be willing to do anything about it if what he said was honest and real?
See, lots of women know they aren’t getting the “whole story” from a man… but on a deeper level they aren’t OPEN to hearing his reason WHY because of the PAIN that could come from it.
And it’s this FEAR of being hurt or feeling unloved or unappreciated that pushes them to both create a less painful “story”… and try and get over it and forget about the situation as quickly as possible.
It’s ironic, isn’t it – that the very thing that can keep you from learning, growing, and creating what you want is often your own unwillingness to hear the REAL STORY about yourself from another person’s perspective (a man’s in this case)?
Considering this, here’s the real question for you:
What if there was a real reason why a man didn’t call to ask you out again?
Like that he REALLY WAS interested in you… but something else got in the way of him being able to see you and feel comfortable with you.
If this was the case, and knowing what this mistake was could help you avoid ever making the same mistake again… wouldn’t you want to know what it was?
What if it was something you were doing on an unconscious level that you couldn’t even see about yourself that was causing you to lose the chance to start an incredible connection with a great guy?
What if it was you who blew it because of some small misunderstanding or “glitch” going on inside you that is so EASY TO FIX that you’ll wonder why it was ever a problem for you in the first place?
There’s something I need you to understand right now…
If there is something you might be doing to get in your own way, odds are that you are 100% UNAWARE of what that thing is, and what’s causing it.
After all, the reason you don’t know what’s getting in your way in the first place is because the mistake you’re making is something that happens completely UNCONSCIOUSLY.
Don’t believe me yet?
I’ll explain how it works like this…
I’m sure you’ve seen it where a girlfriend of yours went on a date with a guy she really liked – and she was completely intent on things really working out with him – even though they had only been getting to know each other for a very short while.
But the more you saw how your girlfriend was thinking about and approaching the whole situation, the more that part of you knew that the man she was dating would instantly lose interest when he picked up on how she was thinking and feeling (UNCERTAIN and INSECURE).
And guess what happened?
The man did pick up on it, and he stopped calling and making plans with her all of a sudden.
It was over. And she was devastated.
You tried to talk to her about it.
But you knew that there was something that your girlfriend just couldn’t see about herself that had made this guy get that weird awkward “Eeeewwww” feeling when he was around her that had pushed him away.
Even you would have been turned off by this kind of thing in someone you had started dating.
And even though you tried to hint at what you saw and explain it to your girlfriend… she just wasn’t having anything to do with the fact that how SHE was thinking and acting was the reason he lost interest.
Instead, she was FIXATED on HIM.
Here’s the thing:
We all have our own “blind spots” – things that we do in our lives that WORK AGAINST US that we can’t see for ourselves, but that are obvious to others when they look at our lives from the outside.
I’m going to suggest to you that if you’re having some of the same problems and frustrations over and over with men as you’re dating or in relationships…then what’s important is NOT the belief you might have about how men are so messed up and don’t “get it.”
What’s important is you getting to the bottom of YOUR PART in these situations that are keeping you from creating what you want – YOUR BLIND SPOTS.
That way, you never have to wonder again.
AND… best of all, you can start making LOVE come together and work for you in your life.
Wouldn’t it be great to be able to have a connection with a man effortlessly grow into a deeper relationship?
And have that deeper relationship quickly grow into something SECURE and LASTING not because it had to be… but because a man was just that wild about you and had to be with you and stay with you?
THE SUREFIRE WAY TO TURN A GUY OFF AFTER THE FIRST FEW DATES
Let me ask you:
What are those things that even your best friends see in you and try to tell you, but you just don’t listen to or believe about yourself?
What are the things that are true about how you end up acting when you get close to a man and you lose your composure?
I want to tell you that you aren’t alone when it comes to feeling this way and having “blind spots.”
You could be having a hard time just getting to experience dates #2 and 3 with a guy, because you rarely get asked out after a first date.
Men just didn’t seem to want to follow up and explore things with you…
Which leads me to an interesting question I hear sometimes from the women who write to me – what do dates #2 and #3 MEAN to a man?
If he asks you out on a second or third date, does that mean he’s interested in having a real relationship?
Maybe. Here’s the deal:
When a man asks you out for a second or third date, what it means is that he’s interested in getting to know you better, because he felt a good connection with you on date #1.
It doesn’t mean that he necessarily wants to be “exclusive” or is thinking “serious relationship.”
He’s STILL just getting to know you.
One of the BIGGEST MISTAKES women make early on in a dating situation is they assume that there is a “relationship” when in fact the thought hasn’t even crossed the man’s mind.
He’s enjoying your company, getting to know you, starts wondering about you, and meanwhile, you’re already thinking ahead to the next few months when this is the ONLY man you’re seeing and things are “serious.”
You’ve already made a decision about this guy, and you don’t even know him that well yet. All you’re doing is going by your “gut feeling” and the chemistry you feel when you’re with him.
So you start acting on that “feeling” and you begin to make certain assumptions about what’s going on between you.
This can send a really bad “vibe” to a guy, especially when you ASSUME you’re going to be seeing each other every weekend, when you express your annoyance with him when he doesn’t call you more often, and when you assume a monogamous relationship instead of actually DISCUSSING it.
I call this the “Instant Relationship” syndrome and it can be the difference between never getting past date #2 or 3 with a guy, or connecting way past dating and into a committed, amazing relationship.
Here’s another question about dating and relationships I get asked a lot… and I’m sure you can relate.
Women will come up to me and say, “Christian, all this dating advice is great, but I don’t understand why I can’t just BE MYSELF and still attract Mr. Right.”
The answer is, you CAN be yourself, and really you SHOULD be.
But how do you know that the way you “are” around a man is the “best” and most attractive you?
I believe that ALL women have the natural power and ability to be confident, playful and wildly attractive to a man.
The problem is that because of the baggage of past bad relationships, hurtful feelings or not understanding how men think makes women SUPPRESS that natural ability to ATTRACT and engage a man in a way where he can’t help but want to spend time with her – and want to commit to her.
What if you could UNLOCK your natural ability to attract the right man by learning what it is that makes HIM desire to be with you and ONLY you?
What if you knew the secrets to how men think and behave, so you could finally relax and BE YOURSELF and draw a man to you without all that “convincing” about how he should be with you?
When a man starts telling you “I care about you, but I’m not ready for a relationship right now” it’s special man-speak for “I’m not that attracted to you, deep down.”
Now, wouldn’t KNOWING that spare you a lot of wasted time and energy, trying to figure out what “care about you” really means, and whether or not there’s something you could do or say to get him to want to date you?
Unfortunately, a lot of women don’t have that basic understanding about men, and so they spend endless hours analyzing what a guy does or says and whether or not he’s really being honest with his feelings.
Believe me, if a man feels that DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION with you, he won’t even worry about what else is going on in his life.
He’ll want to be around you and want to have something meaningful and long-lasting with you.
These kinds of misunderstandings about men can be the ROOT CAUSE of why you’re no getting past a few dates with the men you’re really attracted to and interested in.
What if you could know, without a doubt, what kinds of things are the real attraction-killers for men?
What if you knew how to talk to a man so that he saw you as fun and interesting, instead of needy or critical or just too “bossy”?
In my Inside the Mind of a Man program, I take you IN-DEPTH to why men do the things they do, why they say the things they say to a woman.
Think for a moment about where you would be if you had an amazing, mature, great guy in your life.
Would you feel more confident if you knew:
> Exactly what to say and do so that your man would ALWAYS feel that staying with you was more than worth it, even when you had challenges, fights, and disagreements?
> How to keep from feeling unintentionally hurt by little things he says and does… because you’ll understand him better than he understands himself?
Think about it.
Wouldn’t your love life be 100 times better if you only understood certain things about men?
> Why men cheat and how to affair-proof your relationship
> What men really need in order to feel “in love”
> What men wish women understood about them
> Why men often seem to withdraw after an argument or conflict
If you haven’t been able to make a relationship work with a man, then I would like to suggest you order your free trial copy of my Inside the Mind of a Man program today.
You’ll learn the answer to ALL those questions, and a whole lot more.
You can try it for 30 days without paying a cent. If you don’t feel it’s a valuable program, simply return it before the trial ends and pay nothing.
No strings, no hassles.
And if you haven’t read my ebook yet, make sure you download it right now. My “Catch Him & Keep Him” ebook will give you all the basics you need to know about men when it comes to dating, why men behave the way they do in relationships and what you can do to avoid common mistakes you may be making.
You can read it and use the material out of the ebook for 7 days before deciding if you want to keep it and pay for it.
It’s no risk, just like ALL my products.
So download my Catch Him & Keep Him ebook now and be reading it in just a few minutes here:
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I’ll talk to you again soon and best of luck in Life and Love,
I understand what you are saying, but it is unfair to blame the woman when a man does not want to continue after several dates. Most women are not so crazy as to show more than “I am having a great time with you”, most are not demanding a lot of explanation or pressuring him. Most simply are thinking – oh, this could go somewhere, I wonder if it will, and wow, this makes me a tiny but anxious until we are a little more settled.
I just went on three dates with someone and I know we had a great time, and at no time did I ask him anything about where it was going, or what he was doing, or what he was thinking. It is too easy for me to make a list of things that I did wrong, but pressuring him for a commitment or anything was not one of them. He was just not that into me, and he was not the guy for me.
I did everything that you preach as “cool girl” behavior. I was fun, challenging, flirty, engaging etc. I cannot control if he wants to see me again, I can only control how I am during the time I am with him, and smile and be good company.
I did not assume that at three dates, we were anything then three dates, and I assumed he was still dating others. You cannot control other people, and it is very dangerous to assume that if you do everything right, it will always work out.
I agree with Michelle. I think you do a great disservice by putting the burden on women to be responsible when a man chooses not to pursue more than 3 or 4 dates with them. As a woman, I have also been in the position where I have dated a man for a few months and decided there were just too many non-negotiables or red flags that popped up and I was not going to continue to date him. It sometimes takes quite a few dates to ferret out what I consider personality pathology in another person. I have found that men who have deep seated issues with their mothers (childhood trauma for example) rarely make good partners — especially if these men never experience therapy or even acknowledge that this is a problem. Men with few or no close friends — run the other way. Men who profess their undying love for you when you have only known them a couple of months — run and never look back!!!
There is also the possibility that a man will stop calling after a few dates because he sees the woman as “out of his league”. There are men with low self-esteem issues. There are men who see what I have accomplished in my life from a career, educational and property standpoint. Some of these men feel they have nothing to offer and reject the idea of a relationship because they fear pursuing this is a dead end and will only lead to their being rejected in the end. I have actually had a guy tell me this was the reason why he started distancing himself from our relationship of one year.
So what I would say is this, both men and women make choices as to what makes a good partner for them and women who take their time and look for red flags and don’t ignore them will have a better chance of finding a potential partner who is emotionally healthy enough to truly commit to a relationship with all its ups and downs.
Thank you Michelle and Pam. I have racked my brain endlessly about what I did wrong and both of your comments together have answered many of my questions.
This is a guy who would call me everyday for 5 months with a I miss you text thrown in now and then at least 3 times a week.. who suddenly decided he does not feel emotionally connected to me and broke up. We really can’t control what other people want for themselves, even if they are the most wonderful people in the world-this guy was ..is but we come with our own baggage and that really determines what we will accept in our partner. I thought this guy was it he was caring, loving, affectionate, funny, gentle, very balanced, organized maybe a little too much(red flag here), attractive..you all get the point. I fell in love and he didn’t..end of story. After a month of being in hell and misery trying to figure it out, I have given up. I know I will never know.