Tons of women do this one thing.
And it must leave them feeling awful…
I wonder if you do it too?
I’m talking about women who hide their true feelings from a man and fear sharing their desire for a closer relationship and for love.
Ever felt this way?
It’s happens when you won’t communicate directly with a man about your feelings because you think you’ll “scare him away”.
Unfortunately, you’re right… it could scare him away.
The way you talk to a man about a relationship turns out to be THE BIGGEST MISTAKE ANY WOMAN CAN MAKE WITH A MAN.
I’ll come back to this giant mistake in just a quick second…
First, I’d like to talk about what I’ve seen in the dating world as a guy and share a FASCINATING story with you.
I’ve had women communicate their feelings with me in all sorts of different ways from joy to anger to frustration, and I know what each one does to a man.
(and in a larger context, what communicating this way does to any person in general – man or woman)
There’s a pattern to the dating experiences that I’d like to share.
THE STORY GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS…
(let’s pretend I’m the man in this story and you’re the woman)
You and I meet. We both like each other. (lucky me!)
Feelings develop for us both on several levels. (physically, emotionally, socially)
You try to be “patient” and not express too many feelings and what you want to play it cool.
We have a great “connection”, but we never talk about what we want in our future around dating, a relationship or marriage.
Time goes by and things are great for us.
Eventually, you begin to see that you’re not getting what you want from me in the relationship.
You want more, but you’re scared of talking to me about it because you don’t know where I’m at.
You’re scared because I’ve talked to you about all the bad experiences I’ve had with women in the past.
And sometimes I even make negative remarks about women and their emotions.
You don’t want to ruin the good things we have going and rock the boat, but in the back of your mind you know that you’ll want to deal with the negative emotions that are slowly but surely building in your mind.
Then as I start to see us growing closer, I begin to use my past issues to tell you that I’m not looking for much more than what we have right now.
So you don’t say anything to me directly to communicate what’s going on for you and your feelings.
And of course, being a normal guy, I don’t say anything either. (Of course, I’m a man!)
You become frustrated and confused that I’m not acting how I used to act.
Things begin to change with the way I treat you.
I don’t pay as much attention to you anymore.
I don’t surprise you or bring you flowers anymore.
I’m tired everyday after work and just want to watch tv when I get home.
I call you less frequently.
I don’t initiate sex as much anymore.
You even consider that I could be seeing someone else.
And after a few months – I’ve become distant.
So what happens next?
You decide you’re not happy with where things are and it’s time to have a talk about where we’re at.
But you’re SCARED of expressing your feelings about what you want, so you let things build up inside you until you begin to let your frustrations with me show.
And to wrap the story up…
You make THE BIGGEST MISTAKE YOU CAN MAKE WITH A MAN…
You start a conversation about the relationship and then you “let me have it”!
(you get upset and lose your cool with me)
All your desires, fears, frustrations and dreams that you’ve been holding inside away from me all pour out in one big emotional explosion…
This “Big Mistake” can take the form of arguing and yelling, but not exclusively.
Sometimes it’s just extreme intensity, perhaps tears.
It might include:
- Complaining about the current state of the relationship
- Talking about the things he does wrong with you
- Showing your frustrations about what you feel is missing
- Becoming upset that he doesn’t feel how you’d like him to feel
- Bringing up past issues, arguments or disappointments
But it always creates a lot of emotional tension and “drama”. Especially in the guys mind.
This is THE LAST THING you want to do with a man if you want to get some positive result with him.
That tension that’s created stays with him, and he NEVER forgets it.
In his mind, he now thinks of you as “hysterical” and full of issues. His mind defines you by what he saw in your behavior, and it scares him.
Yep, I know it’s not fair, but it’s the man’s weird and twisted reality…
I’ve heard hundreds, maybe thousands, of men talk about this exact perception of a woman and how they fear being with a woman who they think will make this giant mistake.
Yeah, I know… it’s inmature, selfish and not fair of the man, but it’s the reality of the situation that lots of women end up in with men.
So how do you avoid this….? I’ll tell you how in THREE EASY STEPS.
Step 1) You Need To Understand What’s Going On Inside The Mind Of Your Man…
Let me tell it to you straight, as a man…
Women secretly believe that their connection with a man will “naturally” turn into something deeper without any communication taking place.
Kind of like it’s the unspoken truth about what’s going on.
Honestly… this isn’t how it works for us men.
If you’re “assuming” you have a relationship, and that he feels like you do, you’re wrong.
Men don’t assume that a connection, being together, spending quality time and all the rest means they’re in a committed relationship.
Some men do, but not most.
For a man to know he’s in a committed relationship, and understand the things YOU want in that relationship, YOU have to communicate with him in CLEAR AND DIRECT terms.
Yeah, that’s right… You have to put yourself out there and be vulnerable.
Scary!
But I hear lots of women think that other women are just lucky to have found such a great guy.
And while there are some men who are more equipped and ready for a healthy situation with a woman, it’s NOT luck that women in great relationships have found a way to communicate with their guy.
That’s right, they’ve taken time to find the right information and to learn to integrate a certain way of communicating into their thinking and behavior.
It’s not easy, but there’s help.
Step 2) You Need To Understand What Causes You To Make “The Big Mistake”
EVERYONE wants to have THEIR needs met first. It’s basic human nature.
But being able to delay your gratification is an AMAZING thing to develop in your life. (in every part of your life!)
Most people (men and women) want to talk, talk, talk about what THEY think and what THEY want.
The root of this problem basically boils down to needs that are unmet.
So making “The Big Mistake” is really all about being driven by your unmet needs and desires and solely focusing on what YOU want the relationship to be, without honestly and critically considering the man’s perspective, his emotional state, his commuication skills and where he’s coming from at the same time.
When you do this with a man, you are subconsciously telling him that you’re more interested in your feelings and what YOU want than you are in his feelings and what he wants.
And men can read and pick up on women who do this instantly.
I see a form of this “Big Mistake” communication all the time in business by the way.
Some business professionals are the worst at this self-absorbed “need” oriented communication.
Like when someone calls me who wants to get something from me or sell me something and they’re not very experienced or polished at it.
The first thing I pick up on is their selfish agenda… and it instantly puts me on the defensive.
But if they’ve done their “homework” on me and what I’m looking for, and not what THEY WANT from me, when they talk it changes the whole situation the second they show me they’ve thought about what I want.
It’s very simple but extremely powerful.
So let’s take this concept directly back to communicating with men.
It might sound cliche’, but you’ve got to learn to listen and understand where’s he’s at and where’s he’s coming from.
This cliche’ is a around for a reason.
It works.
Patience, empathy and understanding are the first steps towards creating the relationship you dream about.
But you’ve got to be careful to not become the woman who gives him EVERYTHING and gets walked on.
Use your common sense and intuition to safeguard yourself – I know that your female perceptive abilities aren’t used nearly enough, so put these strong tools to good use.
Step 3) How To Avoid Making The Big Mistake
Let me give you a vital piece of information when dealing with men…
Men are CLUELESS when it comes to identifying the things that are “obvious” to women in dating and relationships.
I would know. It’s taken me ten years to begin to understand these things for myself – and I spend a LOT of time thinking about it.
Sorry though, I’m “spoken for”… (Oh Please, get over yourself Christian!!)
Ok, enough self-indulgent humor, back to you.
So we know men are AWFUL at initiating and participating in conversations about deep emotions and relationships.
Sorry to break the bad news, but it’s almost always up to you to make this communication happen.
It’s important to remember to approach the entire conversation from the perspective of talking about what you want AND what he wants.
If you can make a guy feel like you put his feelings and needs a priority in this conversation, and always consider what he wants, I promise he will LOVE YOU for it!
There’s no rule that says you can’t consider another persons opinions and feelings first in order to get what you want.
In fact, a key goal in negotiating is to let the other person talk first.
When you get to listen first, you ALWAYS have the advantage. You know exactly what the other person wants… and knowledge is influence and power.
I’m not saying you need to take on hard-core negotiating here with a man, but some of the same rules and principles about people and psychology apply.
When you talk to a man from a positive place of listening first, he will be 10,000 times more receptive to what you have to say and what you want once you bring it up than if you approach him from a place of feeling hurt, communicate need and projecting fear and anxiety.
Try this instead.
Ask a positive question or give a positive statement such as, “Honey, I was thinking today that I was happy to be with you.”
It might sound submissive, corny or difficult to say to someone you’re having a tough time with, but think about it…
If you’re going through all the trouble to worry so much about the future with this person, this is already what you’re thinking.
You might want to check out what could be the world’s best collection of ideas, strategies, insights and research on the subject of how to avoid the Big Mistakes, and other big mistakes in my ebook, “Catch Him And Keep Him”.
It’s full off specific ways to communicate with a man that will instantly amplify the attraction he feels for you and help move things quickly and smoothly from “casual” to “committed” in no time flat.
I’ve spent the better part of the last year making sure my ebook will give you REAL WORLD ANSWERS and solutions to the things you’re dealing with when it comes to men.
Go check it out right now:
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
That is bull crap! women are more emoitional then Men! Women are just more verbal!
And, Men are just more! greedy… and abusive! Instead, of venting their feelings with WORDS! they use actions or expressions or even objects! I’ll show her I pissed off!
I won’t talk to her! or give her the silent, treatment! Which the only one there really hurting… is their self! Or they cut you off of Sex! This is Not! Love!!! And they hide like
a coward,behind a wall that they created!!!! for there self!
i believe this will help a lot of relationships grow perfectly well
Your book should have been named as “How to help a women in her relationship” ….not ‘Catch him and keep him’ …
Christian you are offending many women by saying “you have do all the adjustments…men r what they r… so if u want a man.. u change not him’… which is offending…
I agree with all your theories…they are all true.. one needs to change. But this applies for any human being who wants to be in a relationship..
Take it from an OLD SCHOOL GIRL, the men or on Top because too many of us are on our backs! Sound to simply, I would never buy a cow when I can drink milk all day, free or maybe he may spend a few dollas, so what, what’s a few dollars. To day women are so needy, being educated you would think we would be smarter. Prostitutes are smarter, they understand the deal. Men want sex, lots of sex. But they don’t fall in love thru sex ( Other wise prostitutes,girl friends and mistress would be married ). How much more proof do you need. Unless women as a whole realize they can’t find love thru giving sex to men, they will never respect us as something of value.
Sorry: Take it from an OLD SCHOOL GIRL, the men are on top because too many of us are on our backs! Sound to simple, I would never buy a cow when I can drink milk all day, free or maybe he ( all the men we are complaining about) may spend a few dollars, so what, what’s a few dollars. To day women are so needy, being educated you would think we would be smarter. Prostitutes are smarter, they understand the deal. Men want sex, lots of sex( most men ). But they don’t fall in love thru sex ( other wise prostitutes, girl friends and mistresses would be married ) How much more proof do you need. Unless women as a whole realize they can’t find love thru giving sex to men, they will never respect us as something of value and someone to love. Men use to get their needs met by marrying some girl who did not give her trump care a way.
The most important thing we can develop as women and men is high self-esteem. We also need to develop understanding of ourselves and other people and become very adept at expressing this – easier said than done! We learn these skills through life – mistakes, reading books, advice, trial and error – we are all in school today and sometimes it feels as though it’s permanently double physics on a wet afternoon.
What is the balance between selfishness and good self-respect? What is the balance between assertiveness and aggression? What is the balance between your needs and their needs? When should I sleep with someone – when shouldn’t I? What is the balance between nurturer and wild lover?
I don’t believe there are any magic tactics – follow steps 1 to 5 and all will be well. A couple of my female friends are presently dating and one of them asked me: Is there a book out at the moment which tells men to tell women they are looking to settle down and have children – because she was told this on about 5 first dates. I suggested they must’ve read a ‘how to bed a woman’ book – tell woman you are looking to settle down, etc and she’ll shag you. It’s similar to the tactics of negative flirting with women. I would suggest women read these books and a) have a good laugh and b) be wary of the losers who have read them – they are a fascinating read.
Whilst we are trying to find ‘love’ – We are living in an age of easily available porn, of easy sex, where cheating is easy – it’s no wonder that women are pulling their hair out. They are compared with airbrushed images of models, have to understand their emotions and the man’s, be seductive but also nurturing, be confident and assertive but gentle, be excellent communicators and a great cook, etc.
At the end of the day, you have to look at what makes you happy and go with it. Do not try and fix what cannot be fixed, do not beat yourself up because someone doesn’t fancy you, do not go over and over and over things in your head, do not think losing weight and having botox is the answer, do not spend years sobbing in tissues, do not run men down, do not run women down, do not run yourself down. Take the lesson and move on…….x
Well, in my opinion, to have a good relationship takes more than just emotional clarity. If 2 people were made for each other I think both will know it. So what’s wrong with having a fairy tale relationship, it can happen. Right now I am with my soul mate, and guess what everyone, she found me. Sometimes things like that just happen. We are not in control of everything in our lives, we just need to know when and how to accept the things that come to us.
Both persons need to have a good self esteem , as was said earlier, and not be too clingy. Both need to be understanding and sensitive to each others needs. If you are both confident enough to give each other a little space then things should not get old or boring. It is unhealthy to constantly need someones affection. Persons who are too clingy have a self confidence problem that they need to work on but this will not necessarily cause someone to leave a relationship because as I said earlier, both people need to be equipped with understanding as well and have an ear to listen to one another.
If you have something on your mind you should think about how you say it before you say it so that you don’t hurt anyone’s feelings. Both men and women can get their feeling hurt easily if people are not careful how they say things. Communication is the key to a good relationship. That also has to do with understanding and listening to one another’s needs. You cannot put your needs first, which goes back to being sensitive to one another’s needs. True love is not selfish. True love is kind and patient. There are not many people these days who are willing to sacrifice for love and I think that is sad.
I also think that it’s funny how illiterate people have so much to say about relationships but can’t even speak right. Wow! But while making some good points it all boils down to this. A relationship takes 2 to make it work. An even effort from both parties. If you really want a relationship to work you have to stop pointing your finger at the other person and figure out what it is that you can do to make things better. This goes for men and women. (By the way, I am a man).
Thanks for the input everyone. It made me realize how few problems my relationship has.
WOW! That’s all… just WOW!!! :c ) the bottomline for me is being in a relationship that is care-free and enjoyable, makes me feel complete and loved and appreciated. I want my partner to feel the same, but i can only express myself and hope the reaction is pleasant.
I totally dislike the BIG CONVOs that result in complete shutdowns on both parts, if no one tries then nothing will be gained.. I don’t care who makes the move – as long as the end result is we’re still together. I don’t like starting over (i really don’t…) but i refuse to just be unhappy and shut in to an unhealthy relationship / missing out on joys of daily life.
Point being you can’t control people, but you can influence them…and sometimes that doesn’t work well either. Appreciate who you have in your life…things can change in a second. But do not endure suffering, life is too short – find a cure or find another… or fly solo… it either works or doesn’t… Sooner or later, instead of “repairing/fixing” the car, you eventually just buy a new one – or get another used one :c ) and start over with a clean slate.
i think David, 27. July 2009, 4:12 was really on to something.
btw, “my best isn’t good enough” is a really bad feeling to have…
** and yes, it’s a lot of angry women out there – now, why would i run into a burning house ?!?!?!?
its great how woman can react to small things, i m a woman and i constantly need attention, i try to hide it but it just shows naturally. I met my boyfriend on line we started our relationship as friends. he calls me everywhere he goes as friend lately for the last 7 months we started dating each other. i love him so much and i feel his love too. when i asked him lately where our relationship going he just dont give me a straight answer. he told me all about his past and lately i went to visit him (in his coutry) i find out he had still old vidies from his past relationship. i reacted really badly as i dont know what s going on he strated shouting at me and he said is none of my business is just something from the past. i quite hide my fraustration when he drive me crazy but i just cant keep hiding it and when i try to talk about it he doesnt want to listen simply avoiding any arguments. the last thing is it s me who calls all the time he hardly ever does.
could you please help as it s just driving me drazy his behaviour and attitude lately.
thank you
i just come out of a bad relationship where the man didn’t know what he was doing and kept on distancing himself away from me. He used to say that he didn’t want to get attatched and thats why he would end it occationally. the mad thing is that i know he loves me and wants to be with me but he seriously has problems commiting in the relationship. Instead of groveling to him and chasing i just stepped back and waited. He would always come back and try again. but this time i told him that i was done with this and the madness.
I have now met another guy which i really like. the only problem is he won’t let me close enough to see if it will work as a relationship. He has told me everything about his past and how his last relationship really affected him. i just don’t understand what i should do. Should i just step away and see what happens or just give up. have anybody got any advise on what i could do???
I love christian’s advise as i can always relate and he has a real inside and great understanding on relationships. keep up the work x
WHO ARE YOU? A MAN WHO WANTS TO BLAME EVERYTHING ON THE WOMAN, THAT’S WHO, I COULD TELL THAT IN THE 1ST FEW PARAGRAPHS. Ladies, this is why we feel insecure & let men empower us, because of finger-pointing eglomaniacs like this guy. You think you have the whole scenario wrapped up in a neat little package – get a grip, dude. This sounds like a verbatim description of a situation you were in. Ich, enuf of you!
I think I know the reason why women need to figure out men in order for relationships to work. Because women THINK relationships. Men just DO them. Some one has to be the one to figure it out, and it isn’t going to be the man!
i dont think that theres a such thing as a perfect realationship. You can never change anyone. Unconditional love doesn’t exist without God. Conditional love is whats between man and woman. I have never met one man without a wondering eye. Ladies we will never be the only one, so if you have a man be prepared to share him
Many good points but I have to say I am totally befuddled as to why my man stopped calling. We were a 50something couple in a 2 and a half year, exclusive relationship and he stops calling. Only thing different the last few months is his mother died fall 2009 and my son goes onto college in September.
Maybe he is thinking I’d expect the relationship to go further becasue of these 2 events but I didn’t . I was happy to go on just as we had.
We had no disagreement or arguement. It just ended. Waited 5 weeks, Left him a voicemail requesting he call me. He didn’t. I took this to be disrespectful so I’m not making another move. His actions are those of a high schooler.
Guess I will never know the reason but if someone could do this to someone else after so much time together, I am better off without him.
Christian Carter provides some very deep insight into the male psyche. In fact, I’ve actually changed my strategies with a man I’ve been dating and I have to say it has worked like a charm. He’s very successful AND attractive that other women chase and woo him from across the planet, desperate to throw their sex at him at the drop of a hat. Way too easy – no challenge…Yeah, make him wait to have sex and it turns the tables around – kind of like how a “dom” is in control because the “sub” does not get to have “it”, the prized sex and has to earn it. So wierd, but it’s true gals! So make him wait and it will pay off dividends. Lady Eureka
Christian Carter provides some very deep insight into the male psyche. In fact, I’ve actually changed my strategies with a man I’ve been dating and I have to say it has worked like a charm. He’s very successful AND attractive that other women chase and woo him from across the planet, desperate to throw their sex at him at the drop of a hat. Way too easy – no challenge…Yeah, make him wait to have sex and it turns the tables around – kind of like how a “dom” is in control because the “sub” does not get to have “it”, the prized sex and has to earn it. So wierd, but it’s true gals! So make him wait and it will pay off dividends. Lady Eureka
Christian Carter provides some very deep insight into the male psyche. In fact, I’ve actually changed my strategies with a man I’ve been dating and I have to say it has worked like a charm. He’s very successful AND attractive that other women chase and woo him from across the planet, desperate to throw their sex at him at the drop of a hat. Way too easy – no challenge…Yeah, make him wait to have sex and it turns the tables around – kind of like how a “dom” is in control because the “sub” does not get to have “it”, the prized sex and has to earn it. So wierd, but it’s true gals! So make him wait and it will pay off dividends. Lady Eureka
oh dang,,,,, I usually hae ALLAWYS made them wait, except for one, and he is of course the one not chasing….
point one
all women agree that men dont know how to initiate a relationship or moderate it so why are all women waiting for men to begin something
if women are right when they say that only women are cultured enough to begin or manage a relationship then they should come forward and make it clear that they do not want men to mess it up by trying anything foolish and men should wait till a woman makes a move.
in any case it does not make any sense for men to make fools of themselves again and again
men are finally wisening up, majority of them have stopped making a move because they are not sure, society gives mixed signals and judges them harshly no matter what they do so it is perfectly sensible to not make any more moves and let someone who knows the steps take the wheel. no matter what people say or think men should stay out of trouble at all cost, do not fall for women who say it is man’s job to chase. if someone wants something they should find a decent way of getting it
it also needs to be pointed out that most men fall in love once and if they get hurt they are unable to get back to being normal ever again, after that it is just peer pressure of not being with someone or not having had sex that keeps them trying in subtle ways but since the desire of being loved and loving back is already dead the sex comes across as pathetic and it only serves the purpose that the guys can now call themselves as having had sex and that they are not virgins anymore. once all this has happened the guys will stop trying because they know they dont have it in them or they do not feel the need to humiliate themself again in this life
What do men want from women
“Not getting what I want from a relationship” is the central problem, Im single again and what is a big no for me is women who aren’t getting what they want from a relationship, if you ave a relationship and you both like each other the sex is good and socially its good, do small things matter, I mean if you ave most of the bases working your doing fine.
but increasingly Ive met woman who want XYZ and all the little bits like they are ordering an alacarte menu. last one said we get on the sex is good we have fun but your flats untidy, (it is I dont disagree, Im just getting over a divorce and its not a priority, she doesnt live with me and we date its none of her business, as her flat is none of mine) Its the attitude women have I object to, they say I expect this and that.
My answer is well Im the guy you get on with and have good sex with but I have (currently) an untidy flat, so there you go, off you go. bye run back to your dating evenings
I know down the line she’s going to treat the relationship as a shopping expedition, its not the first time and i’m an accessory, its happened before and its a new attitude. Me I would give my right arm to have an equal relationship with a lady, I might be wrong but I regard a good relationship as a refuge form the world for both of us living a life together, not some where you go to get a long line of petty dictats, expense and to be frank mediocre sex. Ive just got out of twenty years of tat
AS a Taxi driver I hear it from both sides women want a man , men in general, the majority regard a relationship with a woman as simply too much trouble and drama, regardless of sex or any thing else. at the end of which the man is toast no house if he has children he will be evicted by the police regardless of how good a father or husband he is. Men now ave in UK no foot hold ultimatley, once kids arrive, hes one call away from being homeless and a life time of expense.
if you read the article it is read as men who have the problem, its not, women are tapped into the consumer society, every ting is an ala carte choice including children and husbands. All parties need to be some were and be “at home” and safe NOT endless DIY, nagging, complaint and then out on your ear.
All men should ave daughters before they date. I love mine and we get on very well, but if I knew that most of the things women get annoyed about, the nagging the huffs, the strops the demands (usually totally unreasonable) are just part of a stupid self centred childis game women will never get out of always testing every thing to destruction for now other reason than they are hard wired to do it. I would of ignored every ting my wife ever wanted or said, told her to shut up and get on wit it, my eggs not cooked properly, and my under pants have a crease in them in the wrong place, and you know what? the moron would be still married to me now and happy as larry.
as it was i supported her in er career she went all round the world on business, and the only sightseeing she ever did was the ceilings of hotel rooms, im a good bloke and i never hear woman complain when their husbands are bastards, its the same with dating I do it now and it works,,,,,,,,my you have a flat head dear!!!! bingo a date!! weired but true
Thx for that info. It’s very much appreciated! Cheers.
I find that most people cannot stand the truth. I have been in a position where I have been honest and do not beat around the bush and in return I was told that they could not take it.
I do not know how to manipulate or play head games. So I prefer a friendship with a man. I find the older a man gets the more childish and imature he is. My favourite saying is if I want a son I will adopt one. Have a great day and good luck.
I’m confused about the advice in step 1. You say at the very beginning – “It’s happens when you won’t communicate directly with a man about your feelings because you think you’ll “scare him away”. Unfortunately, you’re right… it could scare him away.” Then, in step one, you say be clear and direct??
You also say – “I’ve had women communicate their feelings with me in all sorts of different ways from joy to anger to frustration, and I know what each one does to a man.” It sounds like it doesn’t matter how a woman communicates with a man, he’s not interested.
Clarification needed.
Kay
To Dana from Delaware – Good for you. I think you did the right thing. You’ve moved on. You sound like a pretty together lady – you’ll find someone better, I’m sure.
Kay
I have decided that im better off without a man, that way i dont have to “consider feelings” when he blatently isnt considering mine. Apparently im going out with a guy who loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me, yet communication is lacking and he seems to hae now run away. Well he can keep running as far as im concerned as ive had enough.
Singledom here i come
It’s beyond heartbreaking that people who love each other have so many barriers. Men do love us as much as we love them but they are definitely somehow limited in talking about it and acting on it. Makes me sad that all the love I have to give is so frightening to a man. The more they love you, the weirder they are about it. Just flippin helpless. I don’t know any more about how to help it than anyone else does, try this guy’s theories or somebody else’s theories, what’s the difference-men don’t want your real self, your love, concern, respect, caring, and they don’t want to give you any of that from themselves.But I still think they really do love us, and we love them. It’s all broken real bad. I’ll figure it out when I’m dead, I guess. Not much fun sex on that side, though.
Okay, I love how guys blame everything on us. Listen, its a fact that there are more great single women out there than single men. Men never know what they want, they usually have “Peter Pan Sydrome” meaning they never want to grow up. Its not all up to the women to communicate in the realationship. If a man truley loves a woman then he will not let her get away. The reason why we do not like to talk to men about serious issues, like the future is because men do not like to talk about that stuff. Thats how men are in todays world. From my experience they never make up their minds and they are VERY self-absorbed. I feel like they only tell you things they think you wanna hear, nothing is ever the truth. Wow, I am bitter and I am only 23! :)
Christian……first…get over yourself.
Then…please take an advanced course in spelling and punctuation.
Wow…I have been reading through these comments and I must say that I got bored with reading all of the negativity. I refuse to believe that it’s all about ‘me’. It seems obvious to me that everyone here was on this site looking for answers, the same as I am. I have struggled with relationship woes and read books and articles on relationships trying to find the answers that I seek. All of them tend to boil down to accepting responsibility for myself- my feelings, my actions, how I present myself to the one I care about and how important those things are in caring for someone else’s feelings. At first, I felt annoyed that ‘I’ should be responsible for my ‘own’ happiness. And theirs? Isn’t that why I have someone in my life to share it with? But, sharing seems to be the big picture here. Actively sharing in my responsibility in the relationship. I think this
works with other types of relationships, as well…with children, parents, co-workers, etc…obviously on different levels. I feel as though Christian offers an opportunity to learn that presentation with the motivation to ‘get off the rollercoaster’ and take charge of myself. I enjoy reading the direct no nonsense suggestions. Applying the more positive approach seems to be a change of attitude and that is not always easy when I feel hurt or neglected. Ultimately, I wish to be loved and cared for and it starts with me loving and caring. I especially believe this after reviewing the last communication failure in my relationship, where I allowed myself to become completely tangled up in my own emotions and hurt my loved one deeply. Thank you, Christian, for your insight.
Thank you “Angry!” you are so right! These “teachings” and “preachings” made me even more insecure and that pressure made me say things I would never say to a guy. Now I look vulnarable and I’m told I’m not in control of my emotions and I lack lot of things irresistable women have. I have seen that list and I know that I have 80% what it takes to be a desirable woman. I want to be me and nobody else. People used to complain I was too quiet; but when I became more confident and more extroverted now they think I’m “too emotional.” You know what? If a guy loves you he’ll love you regardless your emotions. I remember a guy who noted that he really liked that “balanced” “secure” woman but he preffered his crazy, emotional, athletic, girlfriend who freaked out on him all the time.
Also a lot of things does not make sense. He notes “why it does not pay to play cool” then he says you need to create “intense emotions,” “don’t be nice be controversial,” and then he punches us for showing emotions looooooooooool. He wants to make us miserable and desperate so that he could turn us into his lifelong “patients.” When you say you need to take care of your needs he responds “you have to give him all.” This guy is going to exhaust your energy, make you feel awful about yourself, blame you for everything for being nice, for being emotioal, for being who you are. He is all over the internet and I feel sorry for all these women truly. Someone please argue against him in media; fashion magazines, talk shows. He is lowering our status.
At Davos in Jan 2007, Trichet warned that investors needed to prepare themselves for a significant repricing of some assets.
haha well to all who read this I’m a guy and even i read this and no women get the mushy stuff for the fact that who asks who out first. Ill leave that as a defining answer number 1. oh and no alot of guys actually read stuff like this set the dudes who cheat on u while your not home cause they don’t care. also theres a thing called hormones you should have a guyfreind take some extra estrogen for a lil while if u can get a doctor to approve it and itll show u how emotional u get, And yes i have just to prove the point to girls freinds and family. do some research on how estogen affects ur brain. the term men think logically and women think emotionally that been around for a long time and i wonder why. now take into the fact that guys are completely oblivious to any of the subtle and yes i said subtle, hints u give us on top of the ability to change moods in an instant. Then think again why we don’t want to talk about feelings and future goals ect. and if ur reading this thinking i’m a hedonistic pig who puts women up a some crazy thing that can go insane at a moments notice i’m not. but answer this and then think how it’ll affect a guy…. your best friend ever is married she finds her husband has just cheated on her for the passed few months, your the first person she calls all pissed of and heartbroken. now how are u going to act for the rest of the day and what will u do? now think about if was your boyfriend or husband that got the call from his bff? the guy will prob be like dude that sucks and maybe offer a place to stay only if he got kicked out. this was just a drastic situation but can be toned down to common simple things that happen throughout ur day causing a buildup of mental stress and anxiety.
oh and a big tip to women everywhere if u want a guy to do something don’t guilt him over it or loom it over his head never really had this happen to me cept for when i was a kid and my mom did it but. tell a guy to do it in the form of a question it works. ive told girls about it before and got lots of ty’s herafter and the military does it all the time. it leaves the guy less feeling like hes not so much as doing work but helping u out.
Hey, so i feel totally lame doing this but i CANNOT get him out of my head unfortuanately :0( So i dated this guy for almost two years, we broke up once and got back together and then we were just at different stages in our lives with college and what not and i broke up with him. Despite the fact that it was what I wanted, i love him just as much as i did when we were together. it has now been almost 6 months that we have been broken up. The hardest part about it all is that i regret ever breaking up with him and i want him back but he now has a girlfriend! she is gorgeous but is a bit of a drama queen. she told him he can’t be my friend, blocked me and my whole family from his facebook and deleted me from his phone so that we have no contact. only about a couple months ago, i saw them at a party (mind you, i’m still madly in love with him) and she was rude at first til she realized i was nice. I feel like i did a good job at being mature and nice to the both of them but what got me confused was that he looked at me at one point in the night and lipped across the room to me “i love you”.
he also pointed to his ring finger and said “i still want to marry you”
he called me the next day and we talked and he said he missed me but that he was just needing to be with her until they end. idk it confused me.. but that was the last time i talked to him and i’m going crazzy not knowing what to do. i want him back SO BADLY
Leave it. Move on. He has to take his own steps, make his own mistakes, and achieve his own triumphs. It may have been a vulnerable or drunk moment, or it may have been authentic. It may have been nostalgia stirring memories, but if it has been months, and you’re still waiting for some next phase to the “I love you” and “I still want to marry you”, realize that in those two months, he’s continued a relationship….with her.
An event that happens when *only* two people are and must be in love with each other and who give and recieve mutual pleasure via. physical contact. They must be in the “loving” frame of mind and not in it just for the physical pleasure. Must be intimate. This excludes quickies.
it’s called a relationship between two people which means each of them have to know and do what the other one wants and needs.whatever………………
if I buy the ebook……..how do I cancel if I am not satisfied? How many days do I have to cancel?
i have a few questions to all the ladies here, that i would genuinely appreciate honest answers.
If a man is a mix between beta and alpha, but has a patch of feeling beta.how soon will a woman leave? and if she sees beta once, will she always treat you differently
If a man wants to be in a commited relationship with a woman and loves her, But doesnt want kids. can a woman understand this and ever like it or is it a dealbreaker?
But also the real question is are we good! both men and women.
we both have issues with eachother for sure But really both are not blameless.
all women i have ever got to peer into their psyche are also predated on their evolutionary instintcs to be dick-heads lol. Like their superficial as hell but just on different things.
But its the same with men some are sexual fiends.callous, using and uncaring. But it feels a greater predicament with humans
I recently broke it off with my boyfriends of 7 years. because I told him that I wanted to spend more time with him I did not yell I did not argue. 2 days later after seeing him each day he began to ignore me. The 5th day I told his friend that I needed to get my things from his house. He packed them up and left them at the door for me. one month later after apologizing for getting my things he is still ignoring me. I have sent flowers with notes of apology but have now stopped all communication with him. We truly had a very good relationship, and were able to always talk things out, but this time I could not take the ignoring. The last issue we had was over a year ago.Do I continue to not contact him. I have followed much of your theory and have also lived by Sherry Argovs books for 7 yrs he has even told me on many occasions that I was different than other woman, and I know that I am because of my usual subtle approach.
Basically, if a man wants to be with you he will find a way. If a man does not want to be with you he will find excuses. The truth of the matter is, we all know what we want and what we are willing to sacrifice for and to. If a man’s major goal is to get a pretty woman he does not care if she is an idiot, as long as she is pretty. If his major goal is to get a pretty woman with a nice shape, he will again sacrifice intellect for beauty and a bod. If a man wants an intelligent woman he will sacrifice the beauty, although she still has to be “decent” looking, but his goal is from a different direction, he is thinking about his kid’s future. Intelligent mother means the kids have a greater chance of success, while ignorant mother means the kids will struggle. The cuter children will be liked and get through but their grades will suffer because mommy cant multiply, divide, etc…
Our society has taught us to go with what is beautiful and popular, not what is best for us!