This time I’m responding to an email I got from a woman who recently bought my ebook.
I think you’ll “feel her pain” and see why I wanted to respond to her.
She’s going through that dreaded situation. I’ve seen lots of women deal with where she was dating a guy and became “physical” with him, but then he quickly pulled away.
Want to know what’s going on with a man in this situation and what he’s thinking?
And what to do about it? Keep reading…
Question From A Reader
Hi Christian
I’ve just bought your book….I’m from Thailand and I appreciated your book so much.
Unfortunately, I read the lesson about Thinking in Time Frames where you taught how to let a man wait for sex… but I’ve already made that mistake and had sex with him. I want a more serious relationship and I told him afterwards, but as you told me he would, he became impatient when we talked and it made me so frustrated and upset.
Now he’s acting distant. So, what should I do to rewire our relationship and make him see my worth?
I feel so disappointed about my actions.
Christian, please help me…
Best regards,
J from Thailand
My Response
I want to give you a big hug… and then a good SLAP.
Ok, listen closely.
I’m about to share something with you that I want you to NEVER, EVER forget.
It’s the reality about how most men work when dating.
Ready?
A man will NEVER see your “worth” just because he’s having sex with you.
It sucks, but that’s the way men act sometimes.
And guess what?
You’re dating a man.
So let me be very clear here:
Just because a man has sex with a woman, it doesn’t mean that he’s spent even a second of his time deciding whether or not he wants to be with her in the future.
Got it?
Ok, good.
Because even though you’ve already moved on to how you’re going to settle down together, he hasn’t even decided if he wants to try anything “serious” out with you.
Sure, it would be great if a man let you know this before he slept with you, but that’s not reality most of the time.
And I’m willing to bet you played a part in this.
You’re not entirely innocent.
Were you up-front and honest about what you were looking for?
Or did your true feelings sneak up on you, freak you out, and then freak him out too?
GIVING AWAY YOUR “SELF” TO A MAN
I’ve got an important question for you…
Who made this guy the final judge of your “worth” as a woman?
The answer…
You did. Cut it out. And I’ll bet I know WHY you did it.
I’m going to get a bit “deep” and “spiritual” here with you, all in the name of tough love.
You’re seeking his APPROVAL in the worst kind of way.
You’re waiting and wanting HIM to show YOU that you deserve the experience of open and unrestrained love.
You’re counting on him to be the strong and masculine lover you’ve always wanted, who will break through the barriers in both of your hearts.
That way you can SURRENDER to the deep kind of love that you truly desire from a man.
Unfortunately, that’s not what’s happening or how he FEELS with you right now.
But deep down, you believe that if you can come up with enough “proof” that he should love and value you, and if you can make things “perfect” between you two, then he’ll become the open and loving man you imagine him to be.
It’s time.
It’s time for the little girl who’s seeking a man’s approval in order to experience love to grow up.
It’s time for you to stop hoping that a man will become the man you want him to be, when he shows you that he doesn’t even have a clue about what love is or how to be with a woman.
But you’re so wrapped up in his perspective, what he’s doing, his feelings, his emotions and his desires (or lack thereof) that you’ve all but forgotten about something WAY MORE IMPORTANT.
What YOU really want.
I’ll take a wild guess here and bet that the kind of guy that you truly want isn’t the kind of guy who would act how this guy is acting.
As in, the kind of guy who would sleep with a woman and then act distant and irritated with her just because she wants to talk about how she’s feeling.
So, sorry for asking but…
What the h#ll are you doing!?
You’re wasting your energy trying to get the love and approval of someone who acts like a person you don’t even want to be with!?
Ok, now that we’ve verbally smacked you around a little bit, we can move on from what NOT to do to learning what to do.
LOVE, SEX AND THE MIND OF THE “MASCULINE MAN”
You need a lesson on who a man really is.
There are FASCINATING biological reasons for why men act the way they do.
But the reasons that are the most important for you to understand right now aren’t the “scientific” ones.
I’m going to get a tiny bit “out there” right now, but stick with me…
There’s a big difference between what I’ll call the “masculine” energy and the “feminine” love or energy.
Pay careful attention here.
The feminine energy grows with fullness, praise, connection and love, to allow a kind of “surrender” in all kinds of joyful experiences.
With sex, women surrender to the experience with a man through love and connection, which can make the man and woman as one.
But the masculine energy doesn’t work this way. At least not in the “darker” part of a man.
The masculine energy is VERY different.
The masculine energy seeks to break through challenges all alone and arrive at its desire – “emptiness” and “freedom”. Have you ever heard a man talk about how he wanted his “freedom”… and you wondered what the hell he was talking about?
And you could tell that he didn’t even really know what he meant by his “freedom”.
This “freedom” or emptiness is actually the masculine means of surrender and fulfillment.
Just as the feminine means is connection and loving.
Ever noticed that lots of men fall right to sleep or act like they’re off somewhere else after sex?
There are tons of pop-culture references to men doing this in TV, movies, books, etc.
People know that men often behave this way. It’s “conventional wisdom”.
But most people don’t really know WHY men act this way.
Here’s my favorite way of explaining it…
Have you ever thought about why so many men have a strong addiction to watching sports events.
Well, each game is setup in a specific way that draws a man’s emotions into the experience.
At the center of each game is a person or a team that rises up to overcome.
It’s a kind of trial where a man will break through hardship, competition and challenge. And when a team or player scores a goal or a touchdown and celebrates, something fascinating takes place. The man “breaks through” the challenge into “freedom” and the final emptiness of victory.
Then the men will celebrate as though their greatest desires have been fulfilled and cry out as they never have before. Bizarre and fascinating…
Ok, back to Earth.
How does this relate to dating, sex and love?
With sex, a man doesn’t “surrender” to love and connection the way a woman does… unless he learns to.
** And yes, a man can and should learn how to surrender himself with his woman to love **
But instead, men often seek the physical challenge of sex as a goal unto itself, where they can break through to a temporary “freedom” and emptiness.
Whoa… Heavy stuff.
Here’s the point, in case you don’t like talking in myths and metaphors.
But first, don’t go telling this story to the man you’re dating or with out of the blue.
He will think you’re CRAZY – unless he’s the kind of guy that’s already on a more spiritual kind of “path”.
This is for YOU to know and to work with.
So back to you….
Notice that in physical experiences with women, or in life for that matter, most men don’t have the same strong drive to be deeply and unwaveringly CONNECTED to the people around them like most healthy women do. Often times, they’re driven by something that has nothing to do with love, intimacy and connection.
Yeah, I know. Men are CRAZY and messed up and different.
But men don’t have to be bizarre and strange this way if they LEARN and become AWARE.
Or…
If they have a woman who gets it, she can lead and challenge him into finding freedom through love and connected experience, not through empty physical experience and isolation.
LET’S TIE IT ALL TOGETHER
Here’s the thing…
A man will NEVER see you exactly the way you want him to see you, or value you exactly the way you know you should be valued, if… you’re doing things just to seek and win his love and APPROVAL.
Yes, you might have “goofed” by being physical with him too early.
But stop being so hard on yourself. It’s the past, and it’s not the problem now.
The real problem now is something entirely different.
Sleeping or being physical with a man is NOT a bad thing.
Trust me. wink, wink.
But you’ve got to create the right feelings within him before and during the experience of being together for it to truly bring you closer in love.
Sorry, but just being there isn’t going to do it and reach a man’s heart.
Wow, I just realized… men are actually so high-maintenance.
Anyways…
So you want to know how to “re-wire” things?
Here’s what to do first:
Stop wanting the fact that you’ve had sex to magically win him over into being an open and loving partner like you are.
Then go back and read the section in my book inside Chapter 8 called “Triggering A Deeper Level Of Attraction In A Man“.
What you need to know is there.
(and read, re-read and put it to use this time!)
But let’s keep going and I’ll touch on a few of the same points that are in there.
Ever thought about what a man really wants in a woman to date or fall in love with?
I’m talking about mature, healthy men here.
** They want someone that they WANT **
They want to WANT a woman, to worship her, to please her, to ravish her, and to sweep her off her feet with their physical and emotional presence.
And for the woman to be utterly and completely taken with them and what they do.
I’m sure you’ve seen or heard this kind of male fairy tale before.
So why don’t men just act this way with women if this is what they want?
Ahhh… welcome to dating.
Because most women don’t create the experience that will make a man FEEL this way.
So here’s a “center-piece” of the puzzle…
I call it the “Pursuit Gene”.
There’s a drive in men that makes them want to be CHALLENGED… and to overcome that challenge. I know it sounds cliché, but it’s true.
Remember the “spiritual” story from earlier?
Men want to be challenged by the idea of meeting, attracting, and pursuing a woman.
And then they want to win the woman over and feel stronger as a man for having done it.
Men deal with this in one of two ways:
1. They find more “freedom” and emptiness by physically being with a woman in the short term.
2. They find connection and love by physically AND emotionally being with the woman in a deeper and “longer-term” way.
Here’s the AMAZING part…
A woman helps him choose which it will be with her.
Interesting…
The point is, men LOVE the chase. Some men might tell you that they don’t.
They do.
Men love the chase and the challenge not in their “logical” minds, but down where it counts. They love it in their FEELINGS and EMOTIONS.
It’s part of their genetic make-up.
But if a woman loses control emotionally, seeks HIS APPROVAL or thinks she can trade sex to receive love before a man’s experiencing an intense desire to WIN HER OVER and to be with her, then something bad happens.
The man loses that feeling of excitement and challenge with her. He recognizes that the woman has already given over physical and emotional CONTROL to him.
Which destroys the strongest “lead-in” to creating lasting love with a man.
It’s just one simple word.
ATTRACTION.
Men want to feel ATTRACTION.
And I don’t mean that they want to talk about it or analyze it so that it makes “sense”. They don’t want to listen to what a woman tells them is going on and then come to accept and understand how and why they should be in love.
No. That’s not how men work.
Instead, they want to FEEL their desire for a woman inside their whole body, emotionally driving them, and for it to be undeniable and unrelenting. Get where I’m going here?
If you don’t make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for you and trigger the emotional desire deep inside him to win you over and be with you for the long term, then there’s no amount of talking, sharing, or SEX that can change his mind.
In my ebook “Catch Him & Keep Him” I talk about the VERY BEST ways to create great experiences and situations with men.
Experiences and situations that will make a man respond to a woman with INTENSE DESIRE and
ATTRACTION.
And not just in the “empty” physical sense, but instead with more deeply connected feelings.
Chapter 9 of the book is titled “From Casual To Committed – Communication Secrets with Men & New Relationships”
In it are some of my very best ideas on how to build the right “emotional environment” for a man to feel addicted to the love, connection and attraction you share. He’ll wonder why he didn’t find you and figure out how to be in love sooner.
Check out the details here:
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download
Thanks and best of luck in life and love,
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
To everyone,
You people are listening to an idiot. A man telling you to give men sex
before marriage. Grow up. Wait until marriage. If you want to catch a truly
good man that is your only option. Make no mistake.
As far as the chase goes I am a man and I hate the stupid chase. I wished
there was arranged marriage really to get to the catch. Enough of this wasting
time chasing people nonsense. I almost had an arranged marriage once but the
girl lied to me in Finland after saying she would be my wife as soon as I come
up. And it was arranged by GOD there is no other explanation. I still hold
out hope for it but it’s getting less and less as over a year has passed since
I spoke to her.
Anyways this is a little story of my youth that goes along with this chase
nonsense. When I was very young and in boy scouts we were fishing up in the
high mountains and a very low river flow. There were fish everywhere!
You could see them little turkeys swimming around everywhere because the
water is so shallow and clear. The limit was 55 fish for the day. All of these
idiots were dropping in their fishing poles and sitting down waiting for a bite.
What a waste of time. I just grabbed a net and waded out into the water and
scooped them all up. Caught my 55 in minutes instead of wasting time. Time
for good eating (the catch) instead of wasting time on the chase. That left
me time to go enjoy myself by going for a hike instead and exploring the wonderful
world around us instead of sitting in 1 spot being stupid.
But I tell you what. You will weed out the Men from the Boys if you tell them
you are waiting till marriage and stick with it. The boys will run for the hills
and find the next slut that they can sleep with. The Men will stick with you until
marriage to get what all men want at the proper GODLY time for it. If they
aren’t willing to wait then they aren’t worth it. And if you sleep around before
marriage make no mistake you are a slut. And I’ve met lots of sluts in my life.
A lot have tried to get me to sleep with them before marriage. How stupid
do they think I am? And don’t think I hold a double standard. There are tons
of Man-Whores out there. Just as many as Women-Whores. And when you marry
these type of people then you should expect that they will cheat on you in marriage!
I just had a date with a man who came on very strong at first telling me everything I wanted to hear and tried to get me into bed on the first date. I decided to go to his room and after five hours later, he had to come and got up and left me there with out even dropping me off where I needed to go. I was sort of shocked at his complete change after he got what he wanted. I was not too pleased with him and I think he knew it since we had an arrangement that our time together would not end up into an intense physical intamacy.
He lied and is a player, I dont want a guy like this, but it was a fun date, except how it ended better that it ended quickly. He has two young adult daughters I told him his daughters will be mistreated the same way he mistreated me. I would rather know at the begining of dating what kind of guy i am meeting. I should of known by his male friends who had a bit of fellon feeling to him I texted him and told him hes a drunk and needed treatemtn.
Some people like to hear themselves talk. Christian Carter (how could that possibly by his real name???) likes to watch himself write. He could have answered that woman’s question in 50 words or less.
SOME men are predators, using & taking advantage of vulnerable woman and need their d*cks cut the f*ck off for it. It’s abusive and sick!
and SOME men cannot handle an adult relationship, their egos are too big and they assume the woman want more from them besides sex. More men play mind games than woman! It’s sicks!
Guys don’t have a heart, they have a dick and that’s all they are good for!
why is it you hang out with a guy who tells you ‘oh your cool to be with, i like you, could never get bored of you’ etc then 4 months later say ‘ah sorry i don’t want a relationship i’m having too much fun in my life and don’t need the pressures of a relationship to pull me down’ then you discover them on a dating website whoring themselves out to the nearest bidder?
GET A LIFE….women can use men just as much as men can use women don’t you forget that guys!!
I think Christian Carter does an excellent job at explaining men. I’m a female in my mid 20s, and after reading his advice, I haven’t had a problem with men since. If you can’t handle the truth, write your own book people! See how many people buy it. That will tell you something right there. I’ve showed this to many of my male friends, and ALL OF THEM say it’s true. ALL OF THEM!
I was dating this 20 year old guy that I fell madly in love with. Im 25 by the way, he gave a shot at me first and I completely ignored him than I gave him a chance. He was very persistant with texting and meeting with me when I wanted until I slept with him. He turned into a complete monster and started hating me and saying smart comments in front of his friends. I know my self worth, I know im loyal and can make my spouse feel very good however I fell in love with the wrong one I started drinking and getting drunk just to sleep and not call him all night I admit the sex was really great but he would change right after and not even hold me. I got so bad that I threatend to kill him (im harmless)but than I took a look at myself and realized I was letting him get the best of me and why am I pursuing someone that is so cold hearted. I got the big picture he is a total ass hole and as long as I remember that I will never be attracted to him EVER. Good look ladies just get to know the assholes before we sleep with them, we are in control of how people treat us lets respect ourselves and our bodies Love you.
GOOD LUCK!
Im with Down with them— F these stupid games if I want to have sex than I will if a man is scared off by us having sex hes a pussy! scared little boys who need there mamas. Im 31 divorced and could care less about men period they are all a bunch of idiots!
i got played badly… i thought this guy was into me, he said he had never been so attracted to anyone else before, after i let him in and admitted my feelings he pushed me away, told me we could be friends and that he would talk to me….never once has he talked to me….why lie, why not just say what you F***ing mean! I make the mistake of wearing my heart on my sleeve, and the chemistry was just there. However I got hurt, and what did he get, takes home different girl every once in a while, says its non of my business… which i guess its not but why does he feel the need to lie to me. Doesnt he realize hes F*** up anyways and there is no more chances with me. Why not tell me the truth and stop lieing. Why do men lie when they know its over?
i’m female and women should start being smart and not let their sexual desires get the best of their thinking.if you hold out before marrige,you’ve got a 95 % of being with a man who loves you for who you are rather than the ‘hallelujah’ between you legs.Being women,we should know that today we are dealing with a bunch of fools who cannot think for themselves, who act on the male theory of what makes a man a man.unless you in it for the sex your self,dont fuck before marrige,look at the current situation many women are in wih men who’ve been with them for the sex and you’ll understand what i’m saying.A sane woman of today looks at the current isues and abstains until marrige with a partner they’ve studied first.Ladies good luck and understand yourselves.
Now don’t get me wrong, men LOVE sluts. We will never turn down an opportunity to sleep with a good looking slut. Partly because she’s good in bed, partly because it’s sex. But any decently intelligent, self-respecting man will know that it is a terrible idea to emotionally involve himself (i.e. date) a slutty girl. That would be a very dumb move. Why would any man want to get emotionally involved with a girl who’s had 15+ sexual partners? We would just be setting ourselves up for failure. There are many nice worthy girls out there who don’t have daddy issues and haven’t slept with an entire fraternity house. But, by all means, fvck the brains out of sluts in the meanwhile.
Most guys can detect when a girl is a slut by the first few dates and by what he hears about the girl from other people and from the girl herlself. We put this information together and figure out if she is dating material or not. If not, I like most guys, will still go in for the prize but have no intention of following through with dating the dirty little tart.
To put it simply, a lock that can be opened by many keys is a useless lock and of little worth. But a key that can open many locks is a master key and is valuable.
Girls everywhere and all you emasculated “men” who are trying so hard to be politically correct at the expense of your masculinity, listen up.
Men and women are equals. This does not mean that they are equal in every single thing they do. For example, men are, on average, physically stronger than women. It is much easier for a semi attractive (even a 6/10) woman to go out and get laid. The same cannot be said about men. Men have to work at it, have some skill (game) and thereby get a woman to sleep with them. It is a LOT harder for an equally attractive man to get women than it is the other way around. This is one of reasons behind why we, as a society, naturally celebrate men who are successful in bedding multiple women; while at the same time shame women who bed multiple men.
Let us briefly visit the topic of virginity from both perspectives. Virginity in a man is not a desirable state or label when it comes to an attribute that the opposite sex wants. This is because he has obviously not been preselected by other women. However, female virginity is not looked at negatively in the least by men. If she looks decent, no man cares if the girl is a virgin or not. In fact, a female virgin is often wanted more.
Now don’t get me wrong, men LOVE sluts. We will never turn down an opportunity to sleep with a good looking slut. Partly because she’s good in bed, partly because it’s sex. But any decently intelligent, self-respecting man will know that it is a terrible idea to emotionally involve himself (i.e. date) a slutty girl. That would be a very dumb move. Why would any man want to get emotionally involved with a girl who’s had 15+ sexual partners? We would just be setting ourselves up for failure. There are many nice worthy girls out there who don’t have daddy issues and haven’t slept with an entire fraternity house. But, by all means, fvck the brains out of sluts in the meanwhile.
Most guys can detect when a girl is a slut by the first few dates and by what he hears about the girl from other people and from the girl herlself. We put this information together and figure out if she is dating material or not. If not, I like most guys, will still go in for the prize but have no intention of following through with dating the dirty little tart.
To put it simply, a lock that can be opened by many keys is a useless lock and of little worth. But a key that can open many locks is a master key and is valuable.
Well i have to agree that holding out does work if you want to get a man to see you for who you really are and love you for that. I learned this the hard way after a few failed relationships where I gave in too soon and ended up dumped in the end or played around or cheated on. I stopped doing it because it hurt too much to be treated that way and knew I deserved better. Yes, have been on dates with men who pretty much scoff at the idea of waiting and I’m fine with it, if they are not interested in waiting then they are not for me. So it only took two guys turning me down for waiting until I did meet someone who has waited for the last few months, it’s been a bit of a bumpy road but for the most part I know he’s in love with me, and while we were dating I met a few other guys and gave them them the whole waiting for sex speech and one of them is also very into me and totally agrees with the concept. He says he wants to try to get sex with me because it’s fun to try but is totally ok with waiting for it. Anyway, it’s not that easy but I still find it easier than giving it up too early and having my heart ripped out by some guy who doesn’t care about me.
A woman has to be very strong in who she is in order to date men, men will walk all over you if you let them, they will try every trick in the book to get you to give in to their way of doing things. You must be very sure of what you will and will not put up with and analyze how you will feel if you do give into what they want and I’m talking right down to day to day issues. A good man will wait and he will respect a woman who is very strong in her convictions. It takes a lot of growing up for some women to know themselves well enough to know what they will and won’t do. And even if you don’t give into what they want, men will actually love and respect you even if you don’t end up in a relationship, because it’s rare to find a woman who actually will say no and not seek a man’s approval.
I am waiting for marriage now, took me a long time to say that but honestly sex is only 20% of a relationship, the other 80% is respect and communication and shared goals and it’s a lot of work to make a relationship good… we focus sooo much on the sex side of things, I am more interested these days in establishing a solid relationship on which I can rely… good luck out there!!
omen complain about how unfair it is that men are called studs when they sleep around, yet women get called sluts for the exact same behavior. It’s actually not a double standard though, because both scenarios are pretty different in terms of circumstances and consequences. I can think of at least four crucial differences:
First, sleeping around is easier for women. Regardless of how you feel about promiscuity, we can all agree that a guy who manages to rack up a lot of sexual partners has to have some skills. It’s challenging for men to rack up partners, even for men with low standards. A man needs social intelligence, interpersonal skills, persistence, thick skin, and plain old dumb luck. For women, though, a vagina and a pulse is often enough. Whenever an accomplishment requires absolutely no challenge, no one respects it. It’s just viewed as a lack of self-discipline. People respect those who accomplish challenging feats, while they consider those who overindulge in easily obtained feats as weak, untrustworthy or flawed.
Second, women have potential to do more harm by sleeping around than men do. Say a man sleeps around with a bunch of different women. He’s definitely doing harm to these women if he pretends to be monogamous while sleeping around. He may cause them emotional pain by his promiscuity. He may cause unwanted pregnancy. He may spread VD. When women sleep around, however, they can cause not only all these same ill effects but one additional crucial ill effect: the risk of unknown parentage.
If one guy sleeps around with five women, each of whom is monogamous to him, and they all get pregnant, it’s a safe bet as to who the father is. If you reverse genders and have one woman who sleeps around with five men who are monogamous to her, and she gets pregnant, the father could be any of the five men. And if one of those men is tricked into raising a baby that isn’t his, he’s investing time, money, estate and property to provide for a child that isn’t carrying his DNA into the next generations, a costly mistake from an evolutionary standpoint.
Our two basic primal drives are to survive and to reproduce, and promiscuous women traditionally make it hard for a man to know for sure whether he is truly reproducing or is secretly raising another man’s child. Men stand a lot more to lose from promiscuous women than the other way around. And it’s no picnic for the child to not know who his real father is either. And it’s a mess for the women carrying on the deception as well. Or just look at any random episode of the Maury show if you don’t believe me.
Since the DNA test and the birth control pill didn’t exist until recently, there were no reliable ways to prevent pregnancy or prove parentage for most of human history. For this reason society developed a vested interest in preventing promiscuity among women, and society accomplished this by creating the slut stigma. And even though the creation of birth control and DNA tests have made this less of a risk than the past, longstanding traditions and customs are not easy for society to break so the slut stigma remains.
Third, men have evolutionary reasons to be programmed to sleep around more. A lot of women roll their eyes when they hear that men are “hard-wired” to sleep around. But from an evolutionary standpoint, it makes total sense. If the two primal drives of humans are to survive and to reproduce, nothing leads to maximum reproduction like one man sleeping with multiple women. If one women sleeps with many men in a nine month period, she can only get pregnant just once. Nine months of rampant promiscuity would give the same result as nine months of highly sexed monogamy: one pregnancy. Now if one man sleeps with many women during a nine month period, you can get many pregnancies during that period. The more women he sleeps with, the more possible pregnancies.
So from an evolutionary standpoint, there are concrete advantages to men being promiscuous compared to women being promiscuous. This doesn’t mean that women have evolved to be strictly monogamous. Women have evolved to be somewhat promiscuous too, something men badly underestimate. However they haven’t evolved to be as rampantly promiscuous as men.
Fourth, promiscuity poses more risk to women than to men. A woman has more to lose from choosing bad sex partners than a man does. She’s the one who gets stuck with going through a pregnancy and taking care of a baby alone if she chooses a deadbeat. For this reason, promiscuous women throughout history have historically been viewed as being a vastly more irresponsible risk takers than promiscuous men, who rightly or wrongly could always run away from the consequences of unwanted pregnancies easier than women could.
These four reasons explain why the longstanding tradition came about of men being rewarded for multiple partners while women get socially punished for similar promiscuity. Of course all this is gradually changing, but we’re up against millenia of evolutionary and cultural conditioning here, so don’t expect any dramatic overnight reversals.
Understand that I’m just explaining why the double standard came into existence and not condoning or condemning it. This is not an attempt to pass judgment or be self-righteous in any way. It’s just an explanation of why the two conditions are treated differently.
Girls everywhere and all you emasculated “men” who are trying so hard to be politically correct at the expense of your masculinity, listen up.
Men and women are equals. This does not mean that they are equal in every single thing they do. For example, men are, on average, physically stronger than women. It is much easier for a semi attractive (even a 6/10) woman to go out and get laid. The same cannot be said about men. Men have to work at it, have some skill (game) and thereby get a woman to sleep with them. It is a LOT harder for an equally attractive man to get women than it is the other way around. This is one of reasons behind why we, as a society, naturally celebrate men who are successful in bedding multiple women; while at the same time shame women who bed multiple men.
Let us briefly visit the topic of virginity from both perspectives. Virginity in a man is not a desirable state or label when it comes to an attribute that the opposite sex wants. This is because he has obviously not been preselected by other women. However, female virginity is not looked at negatively in the least by men. If she looks decent, no man cares if the girl is a virgin or not. In fact, a female virgin is often wanted more.
Now don’t get me wrong, men LOVE sluts. We will never turn down an opportunity to sleep with a good looking slut. Partly because she’s good in bed, partly because it’s sex. But any decently intelligent, self-respecting man will know that it is a terrible idea to emotionally involve himself (i.e. date) a slutty girl. That would be a very dumb move. Why would any man want to get emotionally involved with a girl who’s had 15+ sexual partners? We would just be setting ourselves up for failure. There are many nice worthy girls out there who don’t have daddy issues and haven’t slept with an entire fraternity house. But, by all means, fvck the brains out of sluts in the meanwhile.
Most guys can detect when a girl is a slut by the first few dates and by what he hears about the girl from other people and from the girl herlself. We put this information together and figure out if she is dating material or not. If not, I like most guys, will still go in for the prize but have no intention of following through with dating the dirty little tart.
To put it simply, a lock that can be opened by many keys is a useless lock and of little worth. But a key that can open many locks is a master key and is valuable.