Is the man you love “unavailable” for anything lasting or committed with you?
Are you tired of all the guessing and UNCERTAINTY that comes along with not knowing how your man feels, and what he’ll want or not want next?
Is it making you frustrated wondering if you’ll EVER find and enjoy the kind of love and relationship that’s truly lasting and secure?
If so, there are some important things you should know about a man’s “commitment tempo” and the REAL reasons he will decide for himself that he wants “forever” with you.
Here’s the strangest thing about men:
Just because you’ve been happily dating a man for several weeks, months or even years… it doesn’t automatically mean he’s thinking or feeling “commitment”, or seeking a deeper lasting expression of his LOVE with you.
That’s right.
And if you’re like most women, then by experience you already know this to be true. And it scares you.
You can spend time with a man, get close, become intimate and bond… and he can still NOT WANT to create or nurture a relationship with you.
Even if your relationship is one that makes you both happy when you’re together.
What’s up with that?
So why are so many men “unavailable”?
I’ll give you the short answer here:
It’s because men have a different RELATIONSHIP TIMELINE for wanting to get “serious” with a woman… and different REASONS for making the shift to where love and an exclusive committed relationship is the thing they really want.
That might sound “selfish” and like a man needs to get over his “issues”…but it’s also just how men are when it comes to real lasting relationships.
Does that mean that it’s “all about him” and that if you want to share a real relationship, you have to put aside what you want – or else wait for him to get his act together?
Absolutely not.
The first thing you should know is that a man’s “Commitment Tempo” (when he’ll want to take things to the next level with you) has NOTHING to do with how long you’ve been together.
The amount of TIME you’ve been together is irrelevant to a man’s feelings…and whether or not he feels “ready” to commit.
Unfortunately most women don’t know this, and instead they try to convince or reason with a man that it’s THE RIGHT TIME to take the next step and grow the relationship.
By doing this, they accidentally create MORE RESISTANCE inside the man… which can end up in disagreements, power struggles, and lots of bad “drama.”
All of which ends the same way – the man WITHDRAWING even further, if not leaving altogether.
Don’t shoot yourself in the foot this way.
The end result of all that drama is that the man starts feeling that the relationship is more of an unnecessary “hardship” than an OPPORTUNITY for more love and happiness.
You don’t want that.
If you’ve ever been with a man and shared something amazing for several months and grown closer and closer, but then he RESISTED and WITHDREW once you actually talked about how things were moving forward between you… then you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Here’s a secret when it comes to “unavailable” men and moving your relationship forward in a way that will INSPIRE the man you’re with to be a better partner and lover:
Don’t try and TALK your way into a better relationship with him.
A man doesn’t commit to a woman in a conversation, or even with his words.
It’s something he just FEELS inside and wants for himself.
I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
oh my gosh this is so true and i shot myself in the foot. the love of my life recently moved away to pursue a promising career and promised that we’d be ok. two months into the move he started to become distant but argued that we were ok and to just relax. needless to say i didn’t relax and 2.5 months of drama on my end continued. i couldn’t understand why he would say all of these wonderful things and the relationship we shared we amazing and then just one day be completely unavailable. i asked him to be honest and if he was seeing someone and he told me ofcourse not and that we were ok, once again. sooooo about 2wks ago, after i couldn’t reach him via cell phone or text i sent him an email telling him forget it and forget me and that i couldn’t deal with his iffy-ness. BUT i really just wanted him to call and explain himself but he didn’t and i haven’t heard from. WHAT DO I DO?
he is the only man i’ve ever loved, after a marriage to the wrong person, a divorce and 6 years of looking for him he found me and i refuse to believe that this is the end of us. How can i may this better, despite the craziness i conveyed. PLEASE HELP ME christian
this is dumb. again it’s just about letting the man have what he wants at his convenience. if a woman continues to do this, she will never get what she wants because many men are happy to not ever have to commit.
I completely agree, M. I swear, women are expected to carry relationships in this society to the point where it seems it’s her cross to bear. And when it all falls apart – as any one-sided “relationship” eventually does – It’s all HER fault. Sucks to be a woman.
I am in a relationship with a guy who is emotionally unavailable and it is hard. He says he cares about me and loves to spend time with me. However, he is not ready to fall in love with anyone right now (he got out of a 20 year marriage in 09) He told me he doesn’t want me to get the wrong idea and get hurt. We have been dating for about a year now. Thing about it is, he says he is not looking to date anyone else. Also on Vday he had bouquet of pink roses waiting on my desk at work. We have a great time together and he is very affectionate even when he takes me anywhere. He tells me of places he wants to take me on his bike this summer, so yes, I am very confused. However, I don’t push him. What do I do? Do I just leave him, or do I wait patiently for something that may never happen?
I have been dating an emotionally unavailable man for eight months and we have broken up and gotten back together THREE times, because once we reach a level of intensity that HE isnt comfy with he panics and pulls away and I grab onto him and hold on until we are both emotionally wrought and exhausted.
Two weeks ago he told me that our life together was “make believe” in his opinion, and instead of getting angry or upset I took the victim mentality until I am SO sick of MYSELF that I am disgusted.
He has told me over and over he doesnt want a life with me and yet I take his wanting to spend time with me as his changing, or agreeing to sharing a life together.
HE ISNT, he is just stringing me along as I allow him, practically beg him to do so.
It is up to ME to stop this vicious circle of hurt we are both feeling, not him.
He gets all the benefits with little effort, why wouldnt he spend time with me.
I heard once that if a Man truly wants a life with you, there is NOTHING that would keep him from doing so. I believe that to be true now.
And now I have to dig deep inside me, and find the strength to walk away from a man I care for before we both become resentful and hateful to each other.
Whether he CANT give me what I want or he WONT give it to me, the fact is HE ISNT.
present tense.
I feel crazy and desperate to hold on to something so precious in my mind and to him
it is “make believe..”
I do have control to walk away and I am.
that being said I miss him already, and a tiny part of me will pray that when we both deal with our issues, perhaps someday down the line we will have a healthy, respectful, and caring chance.
Right now isnt the time, and we arent healthy in our selves to work thru it.
pauline, i relate cos the same thing happend to me, until last week i had a major wake up call, plus its made me so run down ive gotten poorly, which as a student nurse is not good.when something effects my life outside of the reltionship , you gotta kinda stand back and see the woods for the trees right???
In short met a guy, he seduced me like never before, claiming he wanted to take me on holiday, wanted to give himself to me app, said he was falling in love with me, when we met it was like ‘out of a film’ according to him. I had just come out of another exhausting reltionship so kept my cards close to my chest and said i dont know if i could love him just yet…so he pushed harder….then i said i loved him cos i didnt know what else to do it was gettin really intense far too quickly…and he started pulling away…..firstly (sounds stupid) his txts got really brief, then he cancelled seeing me, or stood me up sayin he had told me when he hadnt, made me feel like i had done something wrong, i asked why he was keeping me at arms length all of a sudden when one minute he couldnt keep away from me, he said he was goin travelling next year and didnt want to hurt me when he left, (huh?) then it was going to uni (huh again) then he said he suffered anxiety and depression and felt numb from his last reltionship( starting to make sense now) anyhow there only so much coldness i could hack so i ended it……..roll on two months later of no contact, and guess who appears back in my life…this time sain how he had missed me loads and wants me back. wanted me since he met me but panicked and got really scared and ran a mile!! so muggins here caved in and said yeah ok we will give it another try…..lasted 2 days!!! he tunred round and said he cant be with anyone cos hes a free spirit and his glass is always half empty and is terrified of settling down and not experiencing things.app thats why his last long term reltionship didnt work or caused him to be like this…who knows…..all i know is these types of guys are maniplulative and selfish(knowingly or unknowingly) they use u for their needs and fake future with u to get wat they want, then wen too much is expected from them they run a mile!!
anyway….im moving on even tho he keeps txting me, badgering me with two faced’i care’ prob just wants to keep his foot int he door so he can jump back in with me wen he needs some attention…..
warning: these men or little boys need to grow up, the think only of themselves
as u can see im bitter but its only been 2 days since he ‘conned me’ ..his loss….
you are all absolutely right. these are men who can’t love and are afraid of committment. you’re not crazy ~ they are.