Now, I want to share with you an insight
I’ve learned recently about the secret to a more connected and fulfilling relationship…
A secret that is SO big it can literally change your perspective, not only on your relationship but also on your entire life.
If you can have this one key component in your life AND in your relationship, it can make the difference between a miserable situation where you’re feeling like he’s not able to see or respond to any of your needs… or may not even CARE…
And a relationship that feels not just CONNECTED and intimate, but actually makes you feel more alive and MORE LIKE YOURSELF than when you’re anywhere else, or with anyone else.
So let me ask you:
How do YOU feel when you’re with your man?
Do you feel like he understands you, like he supports you and is on your side?
Or do you feel like you’re never able to BE YOURSELF, relax, or feel content?
As a matter of fact, do you feel as if the “issues” in your relationship are keeping you from focusing on other, perhaps MORE IMPORTANT things in your life?
Does your relationship “take you away” from the woman you used to be, or the woman you WANT to be?
If you’re in a great relationship right now, and you feel that there’s NO ONE else who makes you feel more alive, enthusiastic and happy… then nothing I’m going to say in this e-mail is going to be news to you.
In fact, if you stick around to read this I bet what you’ll learn will just VALIDATE what you’ve been doing.
BUT… if you’re feeling LOST, lonely, desperate or depressed about the state of your love life, then I bet that what I’m about to tell you is going to CHANGE the way you experience your life and your man immediately.
It has to do with how you look at your life, and how your relationship fits in with the vision you have of your life.
If you’re in a relationship for ALL THE WRONG REASONS, you’ll often experience these:
— feeling like you used to be a happier, more confident woman before you met him
— feeling constantly frustrated and unhappy in the relationship and maybe not even knowing WHY half the time
— feeling “out of control” with the amount of problems that keep coming up with your man
— feeling like the man you’re with has changed, or that YOU have changed, and you’re not connected anymore
If any of the above sound familiar, that’s great!
Because I’m about to give you the 2 most powerful KEYS to changing how you feel about yourself, your life and most importantly…your RELATIONSHIP.
Here we go…
KEY #1: Define Your “P.O.P”
Every person on this planet has something that is unique to them, but it’s also something most people aren’t aware of or know about themselves.
This “something” is so important because it is the defining value that dictates everything you do, whether for your career, or your family, or in your romantic relationship.
It affects where you live, what friends you have, and what you do each and every day.
What is it?
It’s your P.O.P. – your Purpose On the Planet.
Your POP is the legacy you’ll leave. It is what you do for others, and how the world sees you. It is the thing that DRIVES you, that makes you happy when you’re doing it, that makes you feel ALIVE.
What’s funny about this is that every person has a Purpose. But not every person knows what their purpose IS.
Why is having and KNOWING your purpose important for overall happiness, and specifically- for RELATIONSHIP happiness?
Knowing what your purpose is opens up your life, because it gives you confidence about all the decisions you make on a daily basis. “Do I take this job? Do I continue this relationship? Do I spend time with this friend? Do I spend my money on this, or that?”
Having a purpose defines WHO YOU ARE and WHERE YOU’RE GOING in life. When you know your purpose, confusion and frustration drop away, because everything can be summed up with one question: Does this (job/relationship/decision) serve my purpose?
Having a purpose and knowing it makes you feel that you are living ON PURPOSE, that you don’t just HAVE an ultimate goal, but that everything in your life SERVES that goal, even if it feels or seems mundane.
Knowing your Purpose is the first step to realizing relationship happiness. I’ll explain why in a sec.
Here’s how you figure out what your POP is:
Take a look at your life and write down the reason BEHIND everything that’s every made you feel happy and joyous.
Maybe you’re creative and the times you’ve felt your best is when you’ve created something unique and special.
Maybe you’re devoted to your family and what makes you happy is seeing your family doing better because of your hard work and love.
So take a few minutes right now and start thinking about what makes you happy, and why.
Whatever it is, it can probably be summed up in a sentence or two:
“My Purpose on the Planet is to help others realize their full potential.”
“My Purpose on the Planet is to create beauty for others to enjoy.”
“My Purpose is to help my kids become happy and successful people.”
Whatever you discover, there is one important caveat when considering what your POP is. A Purpose – with a capital P–is something you do in SERVICE to others. It’s a way that others benefit because of your work and your efforts.
Even if it seems like your Purpose is something you’re doing for yourself, I’m sure if you dig deeper you’ll see how what you’re doing is ultimately benefiting someone else (like the example of creating art in order to bring more beauty to others).
Once you know your POP, you’ll see clearly why there have been times in your life where you’ve felt unfulfilled, frustrated or depressed about a job, a friendship, or a relationship.
If what you had been doing wasn’t serving your Purpose, or perhaps even going AGAINST or taking you away from your Purpose, subconsciously it set off all kinds of warning bells in your head.
When you are taken away or off-track from your Purpose, it definitely drains your energy and makes you feel a little “lost.”
So if you’ve ever been in a relationship that ended and afterwards you said to yourself, “FINALLY! I can get my life back!”
There’s a reason why you felt like that.
The reason is because your had “lost” your Purpose while you were in the relationship.
And that’s why key #2 is just as important for long-term relationship success…
KEY #2: Define the Purpose of Your Relationship
How many times have you heard someone say that they and their partner have “similar values”?
If you’ve ever felt totally turned off by someone you met on a date, one of the reasons you may have felt this way is that you subconsciously sensed that man had a different set of VALUES than you did.
Maybe he was an egomaniac who bragged about his sports car and how much money he was going to make this year…and you’re an environmentalist who likes to live simply and volunteer for her community.
Anyway, you get what I’m saying here.
Having similar “values” is important to any relationship.
But it’s not ENOUGH for relationship success just to have similar values.
In order to be truly fulfilling and connected for the long-term, your relationship also needs to serve each other’s PURPOSE.
A friend of mine recently got married, and I attended their wedding. He and his new wife had included their “relationship purpose” in the vows they made to each other.
They vowed to spend their life promoting peace by doing regular volunteer work together in their community.
As a matter of fact, they plan on taking 6 months off from their jobs in order to backpack around the world, but spending most of the time on various volunteer projects in the communities they’re going to visit.
What’s great about this is that their RELATIONSHIP not only serves each of their individual purposes, they support their common purpose as well.
Now, it just so happens that my friend and his new wife have a very similar POP – to promote peace in the world. But it doesn’t mean that in order to be successful in love, your have to have the same POP as your partner.
The important thing to remember is that you should SUPPORT your partner’s Purpose, and your partner should support yours, and by being in a relationship TOGETHER, you’re building a life that actually nurtures and supports your goals and aspirations.
A man’s POP may be to work at building better widgets so people’s lives improve…
And a woman’s POP may be to nurture and care for her children…
And in relationship, they support each other’s POP in the things they say and do.
Being in this type of relationship builds a feeling of connectedness and intimacy that is virtually UNBREAKABLE.
When you’re NOT in this kind of relationship, you will feel all those negative things that I mentioned in the beginning of this email (frustrated, depressed, out of control, LOST).
And when you finally break it off or separate from a relationship that doesn’t serve your Purpose, or that doesn’t HAVE a purpose in the first place, you’ll feel a strange sensation of “busting out” or relief…as if you’re finally “getting your life back.”
The 2 keys to a healthy, fulfilled and long-term relationship are 1) defining and living your Purpose, and 2) defining the purpose of your relationship as it supports that Purpose.
Although I’d love to take credit for this amazing piece of advice and insight… I can’t.
It’s actually something I learned recently during an interview I conducted with an amazing woman who has made it HER life’s purpose to help people become more connected and compassionate.
She’s a marriage and family therapist who’s appeared on the Dr. Phil show and has her own successful private practice.
This amazing woman is Dr. Phyllis Chase, and she specializes in working with single women and couples to ignite a passion in themselves and their relationships.
Phyllis says that, simply stated, when you stop worrying about finding the perfect mate and start embracing YOU and your Purpose, you can go out into the world and you’ll ATTRACT the right romantic relationship that will work for you.
Knowing your Purpose, and knowing why you want a relationship, and how that relationship can support your Purpose, you’ll be able to instantly know when a guy is “in” or “out” when you meet.
It’ll also explain the “chemistry” of knowing a man is aligned with you when it comes to values, and the “eeek” feeling of meeting someone whose values don’t quite mesh with yours.
Having a Purpose on the Planet can also help your relationship in another way.
It can help you get very clear with a man about what you expect out of a relationship, and how you won’t “settle” for a relationship that doesn’t fit that purpose.
Not only that, but you’ll quickly discover that no one person, no ONE MAN can satisfy ALL your needs all the time. Whenyou are aware of your life’s Purpose you begin to see just how many people in your life support that purpose–not just your man.
On page 149 of my eBook, Catch Him & Keep Him, I talk about what happens when a woman relies too much on a man to meet all her emotional needs.
I call this idea “Relationship Debt,” and it’s something that can start immediately when a man and woman meet.
“Relationship Debt” happens because a woman has UNSPOKEN needs or expectations from the man, so in her mind she begins to feel like its “time” things progress to a certain level in the relationship.
If you have Relationship Debt, you may find yourself asking things like why he doesn’t feel the way you do, why he’s afraid of commitment, why he’s not acting the way you think he should act in a situation.
All this built up tension and energy has nowhere to go except in the form of a “talk” with your man, where you decide to sit down with him and let him know the ways in which he’s disappointed you.
All this talking and tension, no matter how calm and “cool” you think you’re being, makes the man get more distant and moody instead of being more loving and open.
Later, in Chapter 7 of my eBook, I explain how to speak the right “language” to a man when it comes to discussing your relationship and what you expect or need…like a commitment.
I give you specific “scripts” on how to talk tough, but practice understanding, so you can get him to LISTEN and improve your relationship without compromising yourself or your needs.
This is important because by compromising yourself and your Purpose, you create an unhealthy balance in the relationship where you become a pushover.
If you haven’t checked out my eBook yet, I highly suggest you do so right now.
You can be reading it in minutes, and the best part is that it’s RISK FREE.
That’s right, if you download my eBook today I’ll let you examine it and read it for a full 7 days before deciding if you want to pay for it.
In my eBook, you’ll also learn:
— Why men “stuff” their feelings and how to get him to open up (Chapter 1)
— How to change your internal state so your entire relationship FEELS different (Chapter 2)
— How to set yourself apart from other women (Chapter 6)
— How to be unique and attract a man…naturally (Chapter 7)
— And much, much more…
You simply cannot miss out on learning all the valuable information in my eBook.
That’s why I’ll make you a special offer today.
If you’ve been reading my newsletter and you find it helpful…it’s time you took things to the next level in your growth and learning.
It’s right here:
I hope you learned something valuable in this email about your life’s purpose and how being aware of it can be the first step to a more connected and fulfilling relationship.
I’ll talk to you again soon.
Meanwhile, best of luck in life and love.