I want to share something important with you here…
Have you ever had a man tell you he’s not happy and wants to end your relationship?
And the more you tried to figure out why he was unhappy and “fix” things… the further he pushed you away.
You couldn’t understand why in the world he stopped loving and caring for you the way he used to… and it made no sense at all.
And to add further frustration to the pain, there really was no clear REASON WHY he stopped feeling it for you and decided he wanted to leave.
There was no single moment that you knew changed things for him.
So it drove you crazy trying to figure out what it really was that had changed the way he felt about you.
Now… if you’re like most women, this situation has happened to you at least once or twice in your life.
Or it may even be happening for you right now.
Point is, you know how devastating it can feel.
Well, the good news is that there is a whole lot of LEARNING and GROWTH that can take place in these moments (whether you believe it or not right now).
And these are also often the moments that start the process of CHANGE and TRANSFORMATION towards a better life.
To help you get the most from these moments in your life, and make sure you take away the lessons you were meant to learn… consider for a minute how you’ve dealt with situations like this in the past.
You may have done some or all of the following with a man when your relationship was falling apart and he said he wanted to leave:
1) You tried to “rationalize” the situation and tell him how good you think your relationship is, and how he’s wrong for not wanting it or seeing all the amazing things about it. But this NEVER helped.
2) You were sweeter and more affectionate, hoping he’d reciprocate and open back up to you… but all this did was annoy him.
3) The more hurt you felt, and the more he saw this, the LESS he seemed to pay attention to you and your feelings, or care. As a matter of fact, he may have become colder and MORE distant the more he saw that you were hurt.
4) You spent countless hours trying to TALK about what you were both feeling and “work” on things. But that only pushed him further away, no matter how much reasoning or understanding you did when it came to him, his feelings, and how to help him be happy.
Recognize any of these responses in your past?
If so, then believe it or not I have GOOD NEWS for you.
Let me explain why this is good news:
You may have noticed a kind of “trend” going on with all the common responses I listed above.
This “trend” goes something like this:
The HARDER you try with a man, and the more you attempt to TALK things out with him… the LESS RESPONSIVE and “emotionally available” he becomes with you.
If you’re paying attention here, than you should have some light bulbs going off inside your head at this point.
Hopefully you’re starting to recognize a kind of PATTERN that has played out between you and the man in your life in your past.
This is your first step – to discover this PATTERN of your own… and keep CONSCIOUS of it and how it’s working AGAINST YOU with men.
Of course, when you start seeing these patterns in your life more clearly, some questions will quickly come up for you.
So here’s one of those important questions:
In those times when you’ve TRIED HARDER to make things work with a man and put MORE LOVE and ENERGY into a relationship when he’s pulled away… is the reason that it hasn’t worked for you because you’re not SAYING the right things?
Or could it be that what you were saying didn’t really matter, because he had his mind already made up?
Here’s the truth:
If you’ve been close to a man, shared an amazing level of love and connection – and you know what you’ve shared is “real” – then the reality is that when he pulls away from you and tells you he’s unhappy and unsure of wanting to be with you…
On a “logical” level he has decided that he would like to try and move on.
But on a deeper EMOTIONAL LEVEL, a man has rarely made up his mind about not wanting to leave if you’re still close and he’s at all conflicted about things with you.
Deep down he still has that same place in his heart that wants to connect with you and share what you used to share – and would want to do so again if things were “different” than they’ve become.
After all, he felt strongly before. He wanted to be with you before things went wrong.
Now, some women sense this kind of thing where a man STILL HAS FEELINGS for them but is saying that he wants to leave… because they can sense it inside him INTUITIVELY, which is great.
But here’s the problem with this:
Instead of using this intuition to their benefit… they actually end up SHOOTING THEMSELVES IN THE FOOT with it by trying to CONVINCE the man of what they can see INSIDE HIM… and try and SHOW HIM how to get back in touch with that place inside where he still love and cares for them.
If you know much about how human behavior works – or more importantly, about how men respond and LISTEN – then you know that trying to tell a man all the things YOU can see that he CAN’T isn’t a great way to approach things.
If you’re like lots of other women who have tried to “save” your relationship unsuccessfully – then some or all of the 4
common responses I described above ring true for you and didn’t work out well.
You “went with your gut” and your intuition, and tried to get a man to see all the things YOU KNEW to be true about him and your relationship.
But these weren’t the things that HE was able to hear or understand about you, about himself, or about your relationship.
To make a long story short… it’s important to remember that even though you see the “truth” of your situation and try to share it with a man… this is YOUR TRUTH, and NOT HIS.
He has an entirely different perspective all together.
Which is why trying to be the one to fix your relationship by CONVINCING a man of what YOUR INTUITION tells you doesn’t often “resonate” the same way for him the way it does for you when you talk about what you’re seeing and feeling.
In fact, sharing your own intuition about him and your relationship only makes him RESIST YOU even more… and want to get farther away from you and your old relationship.
WHY TRYING TO TALK THINGS THROUGH WITH HIM ISN’T THE ANSWER
OK, so let’s back up a bit, as I want to show you something else critical that’s going on here for you with men…
Think back to the day you first had “the talk” with a man where he admitted how he wasn’t into your relationship anymore:
“It’s just not working.”
“I love you. But I’m just not IN LOVE with you anymore.”
“I’m not happy.”
“I need my space.”
When a man said this… your first reaction was probably –
“Let’s talk about it. Let’s make it better.”
You probably had some “heavy” talks with him, trying to figure out what went wrong and what you could do to get the love back again.
The talks made you upset, and even angry at times.
But you persisted because maybe you felt if you could talk things through and make him SEE how much you still cared for and loved him…then he would of course realize that you were “the one” for him.
Because at one time you had both shared such a great connection that you were sure you could get it back with “better communication”, and by figuring out what went wrong.
Or maybe you even suggested counseling – for yourself or for both of you.
You laid yourself out on the line… willing to DO and BE just about ANYTHING in order to make things right again, the way they USED to be, but better.
But he didn’t want any part in any of this.
Your friends and family probably told you that you were doing the right things, and that relationships take “work”…
And that if he wasn’t listening, opening up, and “getting it”… then HE was the one to blame.
That he was the one being selfish and immature.
Some of these other reasons made you feel a little bit better… but only for a moment.
It still didn’t explain why, despite everything you were doing to improve yourself and your relationship… he was still getting MORE and MORE distant and certain that he wanted to end things with you.
Until finally he broke it off for good.
A BETTER WAY
What if I were to suggest to you there was a way to actually REVERSE the break up and re-ignite his passion and feelings toward you that brought you together in the first place?
And what if you could do this quickly and easily… with a whole lot LESS EFFORT and frustration?
The thing is… for all your thinking, analyzing, worrying, and trying to do the right thing for your relationship… most women never recognize that they have been making a CRITICAL MISTAKE all along in this “save the relationship” process from the moment that bad “talk” took place.
And they never figure out that this one mistake they keep making is the thing that is actually pushing the man in their life FURTHER AWAY… instead of bringing him closer.
That mistake is simply trying to TALK your way back into having a great relationship. Most women think that talking things through is all it takes to make things better.
They couldn’t be more wrong.
What if I were to suggest to you that the best way to save your relationship isn’t more talking, or sacrificing, or convincing, or even criticizing?
It’s figuring out how to INSPIRE your man by doing the things and being the woman that made him feel passionate about you in the beginning.
The best way to inspire your man is to let go of the fears, resentments, over-functioning and general negative feelings that got you to this point in your relationship…
And then learn to bring back that warm, feminine energy that drew him to you in the first place.
But I have to be honest with you here.
If you’re sitting there thinking that transforming or saving your relationship has been and will be HARD and UNPLEASANT, then you’ll just be standing in your own way.
No matter what I have to tell you, it’s not going to help you.
You’ll just keep seeing everything you do as “work” and you’ll have a very bitter, negativeattitude whenever things don’t change as quickly or completely as you want.
Which will do ZERO to draw your man closer to you and reconnect again.
Here’s the truth:
It doesn’t have to be hard at all.
Because if you’re able to make a critical psychological “shift” in the way you feel about YOURSELF and your relationship, the changes that need to happen are going to happen effortlessly and naturally.
Here are a couple examples of what I mean:
Let’s say you feel that you “do it all” in your relationship, and you’re always the one pushing for more affection, more commitment, more communication from your man.
What if you had a shift in thinking that actually allowed you to do a whole lot LESS, kick back, relax and then watch as your man STEPPED UP to do his share in the relationship?
Essentially, what if by doing LESS, you could get MORE?
Doesn’t that sound a whole lot better than doing more to get more (which may seem very hard and difficult)?
There’s a way to do this easily, and I’ll tell you how you can find this out in a second…
Let’s also say that every time you get to a certain point in a relationship, things start to fall apart.
You don’t feel great about yourself like you used to, and the relationship starts to feel “stale” in general.
It seems that you’ve given EVERYTHING to the relationship, and yet, you’re not happier and neither is your man.
What could be the reason this happens?
Often it’s because you’re “losing yourself” in the relationship.
That means you’ve stopped doing the things that matter to YOU and that make YOU happy in order to keep your man happy.
You stop exercising, you stop seeing your friends, you stop doing things you used to enjoy, like reading or taking long hikes on weekends.
On one hand, you think that because you’ve sacrificed so much to make your man happy, he really SHOULD be happier. Right?
The reality is that you’ve gotten out of touch with what makes you happy, and that translates into one important result:
You’re out of touch with your own NATURAL ABILITY to bring your man closer to you.
If you’re not the same woman you used to be, then you’re not the same woman he fell in love with.
It’s as simple as that.
I’ll talk to you again soon and best of luck in Life and Love,
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