Are you feeling a little down about your love life because the man in your life stopped doing the “little things” that made it so clear how he felt about you?
Has he become less and less affectionate, to the point where now the only time he caresses you or embraces you is when you ask him to, or if you make the first move?
Or worst of all…
Has your man stopped initiating sex and physical intimacy with you as much as he used to?
If any or all of these are true for you, then something is definitely amiss in your relationship right now.
The question is…
Why is this happening?
And what can you do or say to change things?
Are you going to keep insisting that he “wake up” and get with the program?
Or are you going to have yet another difficult and “heavy” talk about how your relationship is not where you want it to be?
I know, the LAST thing you want to do is “ASK” for more love and affection or romance.
Besides, asking for more affection or romance makes a man think he’s doing something wrong, or that you’re criticizing him.
This doesn’t set a very good stage for getting that GENUINE affection, does it?
You want your man to be more affectionate because he really FEELS good about you, not because you lodged a complaint and now he’s “stepping up.”
Maybe your past efforts to get him to see the problem have led to him getting even MORE distant, or irritated with you.
If so, then it’s time you try SOMETHING NEW, something that will get you a new and better response than the usual “dismissive sighs.”
The way I see it, you have two choices:
You can either insist that you just need to TRY HARDER at the SAME things you’ve been doing in order to get things back on track… and that it’s just a matter of him finally “getting it”, so you don’t need to learn anything new or shift your perspective (in which case, you can stop reading now)
You can learn a new way to INSPIRE the man in your life, UNDERSTAND what’s really going on and then get him to RECONNECT with you.
If the second option is what you want, then keep reading.
TAKE A FRESH LOOK AT YOUR RELATIONSHIP
One of the things I see as being most helpful for both men and women who have problems in their love
life is the ability to step back and get a NEW PERSPECTIVE on the relationship and how it fits in with their life.
First, start by thinking back to what things were like when you first started dating him.
Do any of these scenarios ring a bell?
…He would call you just to hear your voice or make you laugh.
…He would embrace you warmly when he first saw you, and he would often say he missed you even if it had only been a day since you’d seen each other.
…He would do special things for you, or plan special dates.
…He would absent-mindedly touch or caress you affectionately no matter where you were, or what you were doing.
Now, however, it seems like things have changed and things just don’t FEEL the same way between you anymore.
And yet – nothing seems to have changed about the relationship otherwise. You’re not fighting. He tells you he cares about you or loves you.
As a matter of fact, he might actually try to REASSURE you that he still loves you.
So why has he stopped being affectionate and attentive?
Why is it that now, he is more absorbed in work, the Internet, sports, TV or books, or his hobbies than he is in how you feel, what you need …or simply BEING with you physically?
Perhaps he’s just more “inside his head” than he used to be.
It makes you a little sad.
You miss the closeness.
You miss the comfort of an affectionate embrace or look.
Those were things that just felt RIGHT and felt GOOD before, and you just wish you get that kind of genuine affection back again… because now you’re starting to worry.
Is it something you’ve done or said?
Or is this just how men “get” when things get more settled and serious? And if that’s the case, is there any hope of getting back that affection?
You probably don’t even want to admit this to yourself, but you may even be wondering if he’s thinking of breaking up with you.
Stay with me here, because if I’m right about what’s going on with your man, you’ll want to know exactly what to do and the critical mistake to AVOID in order to get past this “bump” in the road, so to speak.
FROM CASUALLY DATING TO “GETTING SERIOUS” …WHAT HAPPENS IN A MAN’S MIND
When a man starts to date a woman, it’s all about getting to know her and having fun together.
He isn’t thinking ahead to “where it’s going” or how the woman is going to fit in with his future plans. If you were to ask him about that stuff at this point, he might act like he doesn’t want to talk, or tell you he’s “not sure” or “doesn’t know yet.”
I know it’s frustrating, but that’s just how men’s minds work.
In the early stages of dating, it’s all about fun and freedom for a man.
It’s rare when a man has his “act” together, knows what he wants and can explain what kind of relationship he’s looking for…after only a few dates.
More commonly, men don’t even BEGIN thinking of that stuff until the woman brings it up, or if he’s made up his own mind that he wants the relationship for the “long-term.”
How is this idea important?
Because in the beginning of your relationship, your man was probably more focused on the GOOD FEELINGS that came with the fun and excitement of dating you, and he was still enjoying the relative “freedom” that comes with being unattached or un-committed.
I explain in much more detail what exactly goes on with a man’s thoughts and emotions from the time he meets a woman, to when he falls for her, to the point where he makes a conscious commitment to her in my 2nd edition eBook, “Catch Him And Keep Him.”
In Chapter 1, I explain why men can’t tell you what they’re feeling, how and why they “stuff” their emotions down and how to work WITH their true nature in order to get them to open up and get closer.
If you haven’t read it already I strongly suggest you go here now and get yourself a copy of it today, and get up-to-speed with where his mind is at:
Now, let’s fast-forward to around the time your man started going from,
“Hey, this is fun and I like spending time with this woman”
“I love her and want to see how she fits into my life for the long-term.”
What happens when a man makes a conscious decision to COMMIT to a woman?
He suddenly looks at everything that he has going on in his life – work, school, and his other responsibilities – and he asks himself, “How does my life fit in with the idea of being a PROVIDER for this woman?”
Now, I’m NOT saying that a man thinks he has to provide for you financially – that’s not the kind of “providing” I’m referring to.
I’m talking about being the kind of strong and capable man he knows he has to be in order to take on the responsibility of a long-term COMMITMENT.
At this point, once he starts thinking “I want to get serious with her” a man will start to get VERY focused, very fast.
He’ll begin to look at his career more seriously. He’ll begin to question the purpose of his life and where he’s headed.
If either one of you has kids, he’ll start to seriously consider what it’s going to be like to have a blended family.
He will feel like now, he needs to step up and “be a man.”
Because of all these thoughts and feelings, some of them deep and subconscious, a man will often DETACH from his desire for affection and closeness because he may feel that love is a kind of WEAKNESS that takes away from his FOCUS.
And the last thing he wants to feel right now is “weak” and “unfocused” when important decisions need to be made.
I know, it doesn’t make sense. Men often don’t make sense to women.
Think about it for a second, though. Let’s recap:
A man will unconsciously detach and become MORE focused on work and his responsibilities and LESS focused on you when he’s feeling more serious about you. He will be more “inside his head” thinking about how you will fit into his life.
When this happens, he can often seem to be less affectionate and loving, and it can be a little confusing for a woman, to say the least.
The trick is knowing what to do at this pivotal stage in your relationship.
STEP #1: DON’T TRY TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM OF LESS AFFECTION BY TALKING IT THROUGH WITH HIM
As a matter of fact, the WORST thing you can do is to worry or complain about how you’re sensing that he’s getting more withdrawn or distant.
You know what I’m talking about. It’s when you say things like, “You don’t seem to be as into me as you used to be.”
“How come you’re not as romantic as when we first met?”
or, the worst one of all,
“Are you thinking of breaking up with me?”
If you start down this road, he probably won’t understand why you’re feeling that way.
After all, didn’t he tell you everything was OK and that he cared about you?
Your worries and fears will make him feel like he’s FAILING in trying to be a good partner to you.
He’ll start to doubt if in fact he can make you happy in the long-term. He’ll wonder if you can “handle” the small challenges in your relationship down the road.
I mean, if you think the “relationship is over” because he didn’t call or pay closer attention to you, he’s going to wonder how you’re going to handle it when bigger, more challenging things happen in the future.
And trust me, you don’t want to lead his thoughts down that road.
STEP #2: SOOTHE HIM WITH TOUCH OR PHYSICAL CLOSENESS
When a man is in his “zone” and feeling like he needs to focus and “be a man” for a woman, he can’t help but distance himself from things that he perceives as weak, like sensuality.
This is when you can softly inspire him back and get him “out of his head” by touching, caressing him, speaking softly and generally being the caring and feminine woman he fell for.
A man’s masculine energy is all about “doing.” It’s about work, progress and problem-solving. This is why he can seem so distracted by things like work or his hobbies or his life’s “purpose.”
A woman’s feminine energy can counter all that masculine energy with things that are about “being” and sensuality.
Soft touches, and appealing to his senses with things like music and candles can INSPIRE a man to become more affectionate with you.
Just don’t make the mistake of falling back into talking about the relationship, why you’re worried, and what he’s doing “wrong.”
All that’s going to do is just push him deeper down into himself where he’ll start to doubt your future together.
By being more of a feminine presence around him with more sensual and soothing words and touches, you’ll make him feel MORE masculine, and more of a “man.” This in turn also inspires him to be more nurturing and loving toward you.
Talking, complaining, criticizing or nagging does NOT inspire a man to give genuine affection. It only makes him feel INEFFECTIVE and unappreciated for the things he believes he needs to do in order to be a good “provider” for you.
I’ll be frank with you.
Not every man will automatically decide to commit to a woman because he loves her or because it’s been a certain amount of time that they’ve been dating.
For example- just because the holidays are coming up, it won’t necessarily mean he’s thinking, “should I surprise her with a ring this year?”
There are reasons why a man will CHOOSE to commit that have almost everything to do with how he FEELS and how he sees you fitting into his life.
Do you know what it takes to trigger those feelings of complete devotion?
And more importantly, do you know the ways in which you unknowingly can create RESISTANCE in a man to wanting to commit to you forever?
I’ll give you a hint.
One of them has to do with him knowing that he can make you HAPPY.
Another is that you UNDERSTAND what he’s thinking and feeling and you’re not freaking out if things have to change a little for the time being.
I’ll talk to you again soon,
Best of luck in Life and Love,