Get ready to learn why most men don’t call women back, even when they seem interested and say they’re going to.
If you keep reading, you’re going to learn:
WHY this happens…
WHAT it means…
And HOW to go about changing the situation so that when a man says he’s going to call, he means it and won’t be able to wait to see you again.
Here we go…
This week I wanted to share an email I got from a reader, that’s exactly about this “we had a great conversation, he got my number, but then he never called me back” scenario.
Check it out and learn where she went wrong, what in the world is going on with men like this, and what to do about it…
>>>Question From A Reader
I have been reading your newsletters and getting really good insights. Especially what you’ve said about being unpredictable.
I have a question for you that you might have gotten before a thousand times and if you give me a practical answer on how to deal with it, you’re a genius and you’ll officially become my guru forever!
Why do men not call when they say they’re going to? And, most importantly, is there any way to avoid this? Or is there any kind of teaser, or challenge I can throw into the conversation, when he says he’s going to call, so it can cause him to really call?
It has happened twice with me in the past week with two different guys I was interested in :(
The first one said he was going to call so we could go out and talk about his itinerary to Europe.
The second one said he was going to call about a whether he’d be in town (a nearby town) so I could go visit.
I feel so frustrated? How can I avoid being in these situations and feeling like such a loser? Should I just not accept that he tells me he’s going to call? Like just make an excuse so I have to call back myself? Of course I’d do that without letting him realize that I’m actually unsure he’s going to call.
I guess this is another typical thing of guys :( (especially where I live) Let’s see if you have a great theory on this one as well – one that works!!!Regards,L.
Let’s get right to it.
In my “Natural & Lasting Attraction” CD/DVD program, I give you specific strategies that teach you exactly how to build attraction from the very first moment you meet a man… (which, by the way, begins BEFORE you even give him your number or say much of anything to each other).
To learn how to create this kind of deep, lasting attraction with a man that goes BEYOND the common Physical Attraction that men can experience with women at first, then go check out my program here and watch some free video clips here:
Let’s get back to it…
Now for these strategies that I mentioned, that are also in my program, to work… you first need to understand something important before you can know what to do about it…
You need to understand why men don’t call when they say they’re going to in the first place.
So… let’s go over the different reasons men think and behave this way. There’s a lot to learn from each one.
And while you’re reading each one… see if you can figure out what each situation and reason has in common.
Why Men Don’t Call: Situation #1
Some men are too immature to be honest and straight-forward with a woman.
Sometimes men are just being dumb and giving themselves ego strokes by flirting with you, even though they never really thought they’d call.
But they get your number anyway to feel good and to have it “just in case” they get some random urge or reason to call you in the future.
Plus, getting a woman’s number is a kind of “trophy” to show to other immature men.
Why Men Don’t Call: Situation #2
They were just looking for a hook-up, and you weren’t “fling” material (which is a good thing, unless that’s all you’re looking for).
Oftentimes, men think they just want a woman to be “physical” with.
If you’re out at a club or a bar and you meet a man, often he’ll have “hooking up” on his mind.
If you meet a guy like this and, in his eyes, you’re the girl he’d bring home to mom, then you might not be the girl he’ll want to spend his time with… at least for the near future.
But in spite of this, he takes your number, in case he gets the crazy foreign idea in his head that he’d actually want a great girl for a real relationship.
And guess what?
He doesn’t come to that realization for a very long time – so he doesn’t call.
I’m not saying it makes sense, but that’s how some men operate.
And in a strange way, men who do this are doing you a favor at that time in their life.
The timing wasn’t right.
Why Men Don’t Call: Situation #3
They thought they were being “polite” by getting your number, even though they never felt like calling.
Have you ever given your number to a man who asked for it, meanwhile you were already dreading his call and wishing inside that you had given him a fake number?
And I know it sucks to think about this, but have you ever thought that the tables could be turned?
See… if men enjoy their conversations with you but aren’t that interested, they sometimes feel a polite “obligation” to get your number.
It’s a kind of way to end the interaction on a positive note… even though they never really thought about if they intended to call you.
I know it stinks, but men aren’t often up front and assertive when it comes to the opposite sex.
Why Men Don’t Call: Situation #4
They were interested in you at first, but after a little while they started to feel like something was “off”… maybe even after they got your number.
And, while you were trying so hard to create random reasons for you to see each other again, and to not have a guy get your number and not call again, they could sense your subtle fear and discomfort.
So the attraction and connection they had just started feeling for you and had tuned into with you, changed and was “broken.”
Why Men Don’t Call: Situation #5
They lost your number or forgot to call. Plain and simple and that’s it.
Ok, now let me ask you…
Did you figure out what each of these situations has in common?
I’ll give you a hint:
It has something to do with your feelings.
There are 2 things actually.
First off, none of them have ANYTHING to do with you being a “loser”, like you mentioned.
See, the fascinating thing is that in each of these situations, it’s YOUR CHOICE to make the MEANING out of them that you want.
Unfortunately, it seems like the meaning you’ve chosen to make has been NEGATIVE.
In other words, you’ve actually started to criticize yourself and think even more negatively because two guys didn’t pick up the phone and punch in your number.
Talk about a way to make sure you keep screwing up and feeling bad about your love life…
And worse, men can actually sense these things when you meet them and will instantly categorize you as a woman that they don’t want to be around if you’ve got that freaked out, negative, over-attachment to the casual conversation you’re having with them.
Here’s the second thing each of these situations has in common…
Of the ones that don’t involve men just being weird or “unavailable” for more than a casual fling, there’s a common theme going on.
They weren’t FEELING ATTRACTION.
See, there’s something I don’t think you know you’re doing here…
You seem to know about an important concept when it comes to men – teasing and throwing in certain kinds of “challenges” to attract their interest and attention.
But… there’s a huge difference between KNOWING what these things are and actually DOING them.
The thing is, almost all women KNOW that they SHOULD tease and excite a man to dial up his interest.
But when it comes to actually doing these things in a fun, consistent, and exciting ways, they fall short.
Because who wants to bother?
And isn’t it better for someone to just like you for you?
But what if there’s a real and genuine “you” that men just need some help to see with so much other stuff going on?
And what if you’re hiding that away because of your frustrations from the past or fears about what might happen in the present?
Here’s a radical thought…
With things not going exactly how you want them to go in your live life – imagine if you actually changed a few of YOUR everyday patterns of behavior with men to try and get a few different results.
What are the odds that part of the common denominator here is YOU, and not that all men have the exact same problem or issue with calling back?
Would it be too much to ask that you at least try a few different things that were outside of your “natural” comfort zone of what you’ve always done or what makes sense to you?
I don’t think so… and you sound more than open to it and have a positive attitude.
So, let’s talk about what those patterns are for you to break, and what to try instead that WORKS with men.
CREATING “REASONS” FOR A MAN TO CALL YOU BACK
Your email lets me know that you already “get” some of what to do, like teasing and being challenging, but that you don’t quite know yet how to put it to work in your dating life.
Let’s change that.
You need to start creating exciting reasons for a man to want to see you again.
I’ll repeat that so you hear it again and take the time to let it sink in…
You need to start creating EXCITING REASONS for a man to WANT to see you again.
I’ll give you a minute to think about what that means…
Ok, come back.
There’s something lots of single women do when they meet guys and want to see them again.
And, it makes it so that the man isn’t very interested or excited to re-connect with the woman afterwards.
It’s when a woman tries to come up with any old reason under the sun to “re-connect” with a man, not realizing how important the “reason” actually is.
It usually goes something like this…
Woman meets man.
Man and woman start to connect.
They talk about “interesting” stuff and the woman becomes interested in the man.
The man enjoys the conversation and talking to the woman, who’s a great person and seems attractive.
The woman feels a connection and assumes that he must feel it too since it’s there for her.
The man asks for her number and she kind of “lets down her guard” and becomes very friendly with him and feels comfortable.
The woman then starts talking about the things that they can do together when they see each other next, based on the conversational topics they’ve had.
The man’s attraction, intrigue, and interest in the woman suddenly drops off.
End of story.
So, what happened here?
In short, the woman stopped doing the things she was “naturally” and subconsciously doing at first that made the man feel attracted to her, and instead started treating him like a sort of “best friend.”
A friend of mine has a name for this…
The “super-sized friend approach.”
This approach is usually followed up by offers to do favors, run errands, or give gifts.
Translation – ZERO ATTRACTION.
And it’s further destroyed by trying any excuse, no matter how mundane, to make future plans together.
See what’s happening here?
And yeah, there are always exceptions to the rules.
Women who are so naturally attractive to men, physically and “socially”, can and do take the more casual and friendly approach… and it works great for them.
But we’re not talking about those situations.
We’re talking about the situations where things, unfortunately, don’t fall into place so effortlessly.
Ok, so back to creating “reasons” that actually get men to call back.
Let’s start by talking about why the “reason” is so important… and then we’ll get into a specific example.
The “reason” that you create, for a man to reconnect with you, is important because it builds the entire CONTEXT and MEANING in a man’s mind of how he thinks about you after he leaves…
That reason you give is a large part of what determines, in his mind, HIS reason for calling, or not calling.
So here’s how to create great “reasons” with a man…
First off, stop making future plans with men for first dates around things that are BORING, everyday, and PREDICTABLE.
Yes, trips to Europe can be fascinating, cool, sophisticated, cultural, and all kinds of great things.
And yeah, talking about Europe, travel, sites, art history, etc. can interest a man intellectually.
And I have to admit that traveling to Europe has involved some of the most romantic moments of my life.
These are great things to talk about with a man in random conversations.
But guess what?
Planning a man’s trip with a man is NOT going to make him FEEL those romantic feelings with you just because you’ve become his travel guide.
Planning travel can be looked at as a kind of chore for some people… especially men.
In other words, you could hope that the romance of Venice or Florence rubs off on you somehow through some magic “transference” as you talk about them…
You could start doing the things that will make him FEEL ATTRACTED and romantically interested in YOU.
With me here?
You’ve got to remember…
Attraction isn’t created by “logic.”
A man doesn’t talk to a woman about Europe and become fascinated and sexually charged by her knowledge of the Duomo, the Sistine Chapel, or the fine wines of France’s Bordeaux region.
Attraction doesn’t take place when a man thinks inside his mind, “Gee, she’s smart, cultured, well traveled, etc., I think I’m going to feel attracted to her.”
That’s not how it works at all… just like that’s not how you become interested and attracted in men.
It’s MUCH more in your subconscious.
So, can a man “reason” with you so that you feel ATTRACTION or CHEMISTRY with him?
Didn’t think so.
But he can DO things that will make you FEEL ATTRACTION, even if you’re not really “choosing” to be attracted to him.
Well, it works the same way for men becoming attracted to women.
And sure, the things that are “logically attractive” like travel in Europe don’t hurt… but they’re really just window-dressing for the things that are going on underneath the surface in our minds and emotions.
What makes a man feel attracted is the EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE he has that a woman creates with him or guides him to.
Attraction is a largely a SUBCONSCIOUS FEELING that comes in response to the unexpected, the unpredictable, and the things that can’t help but draw us in to connect in an emotional way.
So let’s land the plane here…
If you want a man to call back, give him a “reason” that’s interesting, unpredictable, fun, etc.
But most importantly, it’s got to be a reason that will make him FEEL ATTRACTION for you.
If you do something less predictable, like tell him…
“Hey, since you’re going to Europe, if you’re good I’ll tell you a few secrets about what makes the French such great lovers… or great cooks…whichever you’re more curious about…”
Now that’s sure to get a man’s attention… and keep it so that he’ll call you back.
Notice that this still says everything you want to say to a man about wanting to connect with him again.
But it does so in a fun, interesting, teasing, challenging, and unpredictable way that keeps him thinking about you and guessing.
And, it does it without making him feel that you’re desperate to make sure that he’s going to call you – or that you’re just trying the “super-sized friend approach.”
So, let me say it again…
YOU NEED TO BUILD ATTRACTION TO GET WHAT YOU WANT.. whether it’s a phone call, a second date, or more.
For more information on this topic, I highly recommend that you to check out my Natural & Lasting Attraction program.
You can learn more about the immediate results this program can bring to your love life, and watch free clips here:
But, I digress…
There’s one other thing that’s important you asked too…
“Should I just not accept that he’s not going to call?”
Here’s the thing…
It’s important for you to have “boundaries” with men.
It’s important for your own good, to help him know what’s fair game and what isn’t, and to lay some constructive framework for a future relationship.
A key step in every growing relationship is to communicate what your personal boundaries are so that the other person can learn to respect them.
But in situations where you don’t even know the person very well, it’s not as simple as just laying it out there.
It’s also important that you don’t communicate these boundaries in a pushy, weird, needy, overly-sensitive way where men will instantly pull away from you.
I know, I know… to lots of women this sounds like a contradiction.
When they hear it they’ll think…
“You mean I’m supposed to be “unpredictable” and create attraction, but I’m also supposed to be assertive enough to communicate my boundaries.”
“This is too much hassle… I just want to be me, and if a guy doesn’t like it, then tough!”
It’s no surprise that a lot of the women with this attitude (and men) are single and home alone on Friday nights watching Dave Letterman…
And wonder why their relationships just seem to fall apart after a while… over and over.
The truth is, communicating boundaries and creating attraction with a man are NOT mutually exclusive activities.
AND… if you know how, these kinds of situations can become AMAZING OPPORTUNITIES to create attraction and GROWTH between you and a man.
If you know how to communicate with a man in the right way, you can get the response that you want (attraction) AND communicate a clear message.
Which in your case might be for him to respect your boundaries by calling if he says he’s going to call.
But if you don’t get the subtle specifics of how to communicate with a man this way, then often times you’ll come off as pushy or “bitchy” like lots of other women do when they try to assert boundaries early on with men.
Try saying something like this in a semi-serious way but with a smirk on your face…
“You know, I might just decide to give you my number, but I’m not sure if you’re the right kind of guy yet – because I’m VERY PICKY and I only give my number out to guys that A) have their act together and B) are smart enough to know what they’re missing if they don’t call.”
And then write down your number and hold it out for him to grab.
But when he reaches for it, pull it away from his hand a little bit so he misses it…
Then keep teasing him and ask him again with a wry smile on your face…
“Well, do you have your act together? Because I really don’t have time for boys who don’t call…”
This kind of thing will drive a man CRAZY and triggers a deep level attraction response – that’s not just a “physical” thing.
I’ve shared some specifics about early interactions with men and creating ATTRACTION.
But, if you want to learn the actual “psychology” behind what creates attraction with men, how a man’s mind works on an emotional level, and how to create a LASTING EMOTIONAL CONNECTION with a man that will have him lead you both into a great situation together, then this email is just the tip of the iceberg with some starter material.
To get started, check out my ebook, “Catch Him & Keep Him“. This book is THE GUIDE to understanding men and how attraction works while dating and in relationships.
This book is packed with the easily-avoided dating and relationship mistakes that most women make… and it’s full of specific ideas and “How-To’s” to help you instantly become closer with a man.
Don’t live the predictable situation of your man withdrawing from you and acting irritated or frustrated just because you need to talk to him about something that’s important to you.
Chapters 5 and 6 of my ebook are all about “bridging the emotional differences” between men and women when you’re communicating with a man.
Understanding what emotional differences between men are and how to deal with them is critical to creating a deep connection with a man.
Chapter 7 is all about CREATING ATTRACTION.
If you’re going to get into and past the “honeymoon phase”, then there needs to be a whole lot more going on than just a physical attraction.
You’ll find out how to create the kind of attraction is that’s deeper and more lasting than the physical.
Chapter 9 of my ebook is all about the communication secrets to developing and growing lasting relationships.
So, don’t wait…
Don’t wait any longer to live the love life that’s possible.
Start turning what used to be frustrating situations with men into opportunities to create a close, loving relationship that works for both of you… and LASTS!
Go here, download your free trial copy of my ebook in just a few minutes, and you’ll be on your way to a whole new world of connection, attraction and communication with men.
And, if you’re ready to take your interactions with a man to the level where he’s experiencing the kind of ongoing, lasting attraction that has HIM working to become closer and more committed with YOU… then it’s time you checked out my Natural & Lasting Attraction program.
All the details on this program, some sample video clips, and a special offer to try this program out free for an entire month are all here:
I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love!
P.S. My “Natural And Lasting Attraction” CD/DVD program is packed with in-depth psychological, emotional and behavioral insights about what men naturally respond to in dating and relationships. without a bunch of tiresome “psycho-babble.”
I want to help you learn exactly what goes on inside a man’s mind, how attraction works for him, and how to turn that initial connection into a lifelong commitment.
Click on this link right now and get some more free tips and watch the sample video from the “Natural And Lasting Attraction” program down at the bottom of the page: