Is there a man in your life who you’re just “friends” with right now, but you’d like to get closer to?
Or maybe you keep meeting great guys but they never ask you out?
In this email, I’m going to let you in on what men look for when first meeting a great woman, in order to get interested enough to ask her out, and what is the absolute TURN OFF for a man when he first meets you.
And then later, I’ll tell you the 3 traits that all men look for when “sizing a woman up” for a relationship or to ask her out.
But back to my questions about meeting great men and getting their interest…
If you’re like lots of women I’ve met and talked with, then just the idea of being upfront about how you feel or asking a man out makes your stomach knot up in fear. What if he rejects you? What if you embarrass yourself?
And besides, isn’t a man supposed to approach YOU and make things happen if he feels something for you,too?
Well, there’s something important I want you to remember that will help make you successful in almost any early dating situation with a man… whether you’re just meeting, dating, or already creating a connection with him.
There is something that women often forget about men, which is fascinating to me…
Which is that MOST men are just plain nervous or scared when it comes to approaching attractive women, talking to them, and asking them out.
I’ve seen it all my life. No matter where I go or who I’m with, most of the men around me are scared stiff of approaching women.
And sure, guys do their best to project confidence once they finally do build up the courage to talk to a woman… that’s part of the reason men often use some dumb “opener” or cutsie pick-up line that their friends told them works with women.
But trust me when I say that most men were born nervous and afraid to approach women they’re interested in.
You might not see it right now, but deep down men see women as the ones with the “control” and the “power” when it comes to dating situations.
Especially when it comes to meeting up and the “courtship” stage early on.
But lots of women don’t really “get” this, or seem to forget it in the moment, when they meet a guy they’re interested in, and so they end up giving away some of the advantages that other women – who know what’s going on in these situations – naturally enjoy with men.
You’ve probably seen this with a girlfriend. Maybe she’s always fun, cool, calm, and collected when she’s out with you or enjoying herself.
At least until “HE” walks into the room.
(“He” is usually some guy she finds VERY ATTRACTIVE and would like to get to know better, but she doesn’t know how to go about moving forward or connecting with him on a deeper level.)
So what does your girlfriend do when “he” shows up?
First off, she changes very quickly from the cool and socially intelligent woman you know into an anxious, uncertain, and self-conscious MESS.
And then, like most women do in this situation when they feel a deep level of attraction for a man that they aren’t close with yet, she instantly assumes that the strong physical chemistry must be something that HE feels too.
And that’s when things start to go wrong…
She starts to compliment him endlessly.
“Wow, you must be really smart to know that.”
She laughs at everything he says (even when they’re not that funny).
“Ha Ha! You are so funny!”
And she offers and tries to do “nice” things for him to show how much she really cares about him and how she wants to see him again –
“Oh, that’s too bad your car broke down. Maybe I could drive across town to pick you up and give you a ride tomorrow!?”
If you’ve ever watched one of your girlfriends do this kind of thing with a guy they just met, or if you’ve ever DONE THIS YOURSELF, then you probably already know the frustration that comes from being sweet, complimentary, and “real” with a man, and then having it get you NOWHERE.
Or worse, having it lead to REJECTION where the man isn’t interested in you at all.
And you might also add to that the pain of watching other women have MORE SUCCESS with men than you do, while they DON’T do the generous things you do, and they don’t have great conversations with men about real things in life, and they aren’t the good person you are.
So, what’s going on here?
Do men not like women who are “real”?
Why is it that being honest or complimentary with a man doesn’t make him “feel it” for you?
And why is it that men play “games” when it comes to meeting, dating, and attraction?
Let me spell out a few common elements in play when it comes to men and dating:
- A man won’t like women JUST BECAUSE because she’s being “nice.” Nice can be a “bonus”, kind of like toppings on a cake, but it’s not the nice, sweet, and genuine behavior that makes a man FEEL ATTRACTION for a woman.
- When you try to get a man’s interest or attention by appealing to his personal interests like a good friend would, he not only won’t “feel it” for you, but he’ll actually lose interest in you when he sees you trying win his “approval.” (Example: pretending to be interested in a sport he’s really into)
- Attraction isn’t something that takes place on a logical or “rational” level. Casual conversation won’t create it. Instead, attraction is an EMOTION that has its own set of rules, and is something going on outside the everyday communication “channel” of words and meaning.
If you want to make a man notice you and experience the feelings of desire and attraction that will drive him to approach and “court” you, then you need to stop all the APPROVAL-SEEKING behaviors, and start learning how to create an EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE with him.
In my “Meeting The One” program I explain the key strategies and specific How-To’s for what to SAY and DO when you first meet a man who you find attractive and want to get to know better.
And in case you haven’t noticed, men aren’t necessarily interested in MORE than a “fling”, or a short-lived situation, when they first meet a woman.
That’s because often a man’s initial interest in a woman has everything to do with him feeling PHYSICALLY attracted to her.
In my “Meeting The One” CD/DVD program, you’ll learn how to make a man feel the kind of attraction that goes BEYOND “Physical Attraction”, and you’ll discover how to communicate with a man in a way that instantly lets him know that you’re the kind of woman he wants to be with for MORE than just a fling.
All the details are here, and you can order a copy to try for 30 days before you pay a single dime. So there’s no worries or obligation for you to order and check out at your convenience:
But let’s keep learning…
I’d like to get back to the topic of “he”, the guy that women become intensely attracted to without having connected or talked much with, if at all.
There’s something fascinating I see happen when women experience this kind of instant attraction for a man. They takes what could be a great relationship in the future and ruin it from the start.
When HE shows up, HE quickly becomes more of an IDEA than REAL. And this is where women often go wrong in dating situations, and with getting into relationships with men they don’t truly see and understand for who they are.
The woman will get very excited about the dates she has with this guy she just met. She’ll tell her friends about it, talk as if he was the man she’d been waiting for her whole life… while in reality she doesn’t know him that much at all.
She’ll start to act like they’re already in a real, committed relationship, even though nothing of the sort has ever been discussed between them.
In his mind, he’s just getting to know her. In her mind, he’s already her “boyfriend.”
You know you’re doing this when you’ve been seeing a man for a short time and:
- He doesn’t call when you expect him to or want him to, and you let him know you’re disappointed. And he gets defensive or annoyed with you.
- You’re already wondering if he’s seeing anyone else and it bothers you.
- You clear your weekend in hopes you’ll spend it with him, even though he hasn’t implied anything about that yet. And he doesn’t automatically ask you out each weekend.
- He’s doing things with his friends or by himself instead of automatically inviting you, and it hurts your feelings.
I call this the “Instant Relationship” syndrome,and it can be a real ATTRACTION KILLER for a man when a woman gives out that vibe. He gets the feeling she’s somehow needy or desperate, and it creeps him out.
The female equivalent of this is when a guy you just met pressures you to sleep with him on a first date, or when a guy you’re not quite that “into” yet starts calling all the time, expecting you to spend entire weekends with him, and getting jealous even though you aren’t a real “item” yet.
That’s the same kind of feeling that a man gets when you pull the “Instant Relationship – on him…that feeling of “Eeeewwww.”
Sure, I understand that it’s totally possible to meet someone and this is NEVER an issue. You meet someone you totally connect with and you’re both calling each other all the time and clearing your weekends for each other and thinking “relationship” very early on…
But here’s the caveat: They already have to have a deep level of ATTRACTION for you. That makes all the difference.
Therefore, if you just met a man and you can sense that he’s taking it “slow” getting to know you, don’t pull the Instant Relationship on him. Just don’t do it. Take your time getting to know HIM, too.
You see, a man has to find a way to quickly know for CERTAIN when he meets you whether you are the kind of woman who will be a healthy addition to his life, or if you’re going to be “trouble” in his world. So how does a man go about this?
Does he just ask a woman, “Hey, are you healthy and in a good place? Because I want to make sure that you’re going to bring mostly positive experiences and emotions to my life?”
Instead, a man is looking for direct and indirect signals to tell him what he needs to know about a woman before he even gets involved with her.
And in case you didn’t know… men look for, find, and make meaning out of the signals they get from women almost INSTANTLY.
If you’ve read the book “Blink” by Malcolm Gladwell, then you know what I’m talking about here. In this book, the author talks about how we all make “snap-judgments” in order to size up the things in our environment.
If you want to understand how a man can become attracted to a woman, and how this can happen so quickly to where a man knows that a woman can be “The One” before he ever really talks to her, then read some of the tips I put together in this link about my “Meeting The One” program.
You’ll learn some important advice on what to do and say when you meet a man you want to have something “deeper” with:
So along these lines, let’s look at a few of the things a man is looking for in a woman when he’s making those subconscious instant judgements:
1. PHYSICAL HEALTH
You know that men are often attracted to women of a certain physical size, shape, etc. in general. But do you know exactly why this is? It’s not because these sizes and shapes “look better.” It’s because men are wired to identify signs of Fertility and Youth in women. And the good news here is that a perfect hip-to-waist ratio is NOT the only way to indicate to a man that you are “Youthful” and “Fertile.”
Personal “energy”, attitude, body language, and fashion can all act as indirect indicators of these things as well.
2. EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING
It’s no secret that men like to make fun of women for being too “emotional.” And while this is often just teasing, this common male habit shows the existence of something deeper – that among men there is a strong belief in the importance of an emotionally-stable woman.
Men who are interested in relationships are EXTREMELY critical of how a woman handles herself and her emotions, because to them it says everything about how a woman will be when they’re close and connected and what’s in store for him.
3. SENSE OF HUMOR
This is the most subtle determinant of how a man will see a woman. When a woman is funny, laughing, or making jokes, it’s an indication of her high level of self-esteem and social status.
When a man sees a woman smiling or laughing, or when a woman is funny and playful with a man, it lets him know on a subconscious level that she is someone he can respect. An equal. And this can make a woman VERY desirable.
So I’ve given you a few specific tips and ideas to think about and apply the next time you’re going out.
And while these tips are valuable and effective, wouldn’t it also be great to have the confidence that comes from KNOWING how and why a man will become attracted to you? And that it’s not just for all the wrong reasons!?
In my “Natural And Lasting Attraction” program I go into depth about the exact strategies to help you do exactly this. These tips and specifics have already helped literally thousands of other women who have gotten this program with this challenging situation.
If you want to learn exactly what to do when you’re attracted to a man, but you can’t seem to make that “connection,” then I recommend you check out this link and read about this program.
All the details are here:
Natural and Lasting Attraction
If you’re ready for the next level of learning, connection, and attraction (the kind that leads to a lasting and committed relationship) then my “Natural & Lasting Attraction” CD/DVD program is what you need to get started.
It’s literally jam-packed with eye opening insights, ideas, and specific “How-To’s” that will change the way men feel when they are around you FOREVER.
What if you knew you could build and keep alive the kind of attraction that would make a man know, on a DEEP EMOTIONAL LEVEL, that you were the one for him?
Would that kind of connection, and the CERTAINTY it would create in your relationship with a man, be valuable to you?
Then you’ve got to check out this program.
There are several hours of this program dedicated to the idea of eliminating the fears and insecurities that lead to the common “negative attraction strategies” most women fall into with men.
A few of these are:
- Convincing: Trying to CONVINCE a man that love and a relationship is what he should want
- Bribing: Trying to make a man feel something for you by doing things for him or getting him things
- “Free Sex”: Sleeping with a man because you think that he’ll be closer and more intimate with you afterwards (but nothing changes and he actually pulls away after)
Don’t get stuck in these dead-end strategies when there is a way that works much, much better.
It’s time to get rid of these weak, fear-based strategies with men, and start communicating as the attractive and loving woman you can be.
And if you’re not sure if this program is for you… I’ll make you a special offer.
If you go to the link below, you can not only check out video samples of this program for free, but I’ll also send you a copy of this program for you to try and work with free for a full month.
And I ask nothing in return, other than you give yourself a chance to learn, grow, and start experiencing more success with the material in the program.
I know you won’t regret it.
Go here now and start a new path of growth in your love life by getting your free copy of this program now:
Natural and Lasting Attraction
I’ll talk to you again soon… and best of luck in life and love!
P.S. If you’d like to send me a Success Story, Question,or Comment, follow these guidelines:
- Keep it short and to the point. One or two paragraphs max.
- Tell me what’s working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate all of the “Your stuff is great” and “I learned a lot from your emails”, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the specifics… because this helps other women to see what’s working in different situations.
- If you have a Success Story after reading an email or the ebook, write “Success Story” in the subject line of the email. I read these first.
- At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you’re from.
- Send it to me at: [email protected]
…and don’t just hit “reply” to this email.
I have been reading you words of advice on relationships almost everyday. I am thrilled by the kind of messages I read from you. Thank you very much. I, however, have a concern about a guy I like so much. I met this guy in a school I attend. We used to sit at the same section of the library. Sometime ago, he passed by me and looked at me and I also responded with a look. Another day, I was in the computer center checking my mails, when he came and sat right beside me. I was so excited, but did not show it. I , however, asked him to help me do something and he did help, but couldn’t figure out how to do it well. So he advised I see the computer expert and I did. When I was about to leave the computer center, he took the lead and waited near the restroom. I passed to the restroom and I was surprised to see him around there. We both looked at each other and I left. Once I was in the computer center for help from the computer specialist again. I was talking to the computer specialist when he came in and did as if he was trying to print something, and he stood near the printer, which was also near us for sometime before he left. I moved to the library the next day and there he was sitting. A guy who was also sitting in the library was trying to draw my attention to something, when the guy I like got up and was watching us and gave me a look again and I returned the gesture by looking at him. The next day I was siting in the library, when he came and passed by me again. When he was getting near me, he started to race a little as if he was shy of something.
I have not seen him since we reopened. Was he interested in me? Did I make a mistake by not breaking the ice? I don’t know whether he will come again, but I don’t know anything about him too. I really like this guy, but i couldn’t figure out whether he was into me too. I am not experienced in dating. Please, Christian advise me on this? I am always thinking about this guy a lot, but I feel I am just fooling myself with sleepless nights. I need your brotherly advice. Thank you.
What if guys are just plain SICK of this arrangement, that THEY must approach or be punished and censured, and oh my God, actually believe that they are the prize and worth something ( I know, that’s illegal) ? Why would a guy EVER approach? If women approach, then you know that they are interested.