Here’s a letter I got recently from a reader that I wanted to respond to…
In it I share some tips and insights into what’s going on with her man as she’s sensing something wrong but can’t put her finger on it, while he won’t talk to her.
Read on to find out what’s going on…
>>>>Letter From A Reader
I have read your e-book which has helped answer a lot of my questions about men and relationships. I am also in the process of listening to your “ready for Love” CDs.
I have been having a long distance relationship with a man with whom the chemistry and the connection was amazing from the start. We have been seeing each other for almost 4 months now. We fell in love and he has confessed it so to me. He also has mentioned to me that he feels I am his soul mate.
He travels around the world working for an oil company and during his last trip which has taken a month things are changing. He does not call me as often, does not write emails to me as often and blames it on the time difference and mood differences and being stressed and busy. All started to get worse when in my frustrations I started feeling anxiety and reacting by also not calling him as often and being cold and distant.
Before I started acting this way I did ask why he was not calling and communicated that expectation with him. I think he is pulling away and so not know what to do. I am in love with him and do not know if I should bother him by calling or I should just stand back and wait for him to make his move when ready. He was very attentive and used to call a lot more before even when he was traveling.
Did I act needy? Is there hope? What should I do?
In need of your help.
Ok, I’m glad you asked.
Here’s something you should know-
It is possible for a man to sense what you’re calling “needy” without you even saying anything.
It’s possible that even though your normal feelings of wondering what’s going on aren’t wrong or needy in an unhealthy… your man might FEEL like you’re being too needy.
The result- he’s not showing you the same level of interest and attraction not because you did something wrong, but because of how he is FEELING.
So what’s the difference between what is actually needy, and what a man thinks is needy and unattractive to him?
It’s the way you communicate the way you’re feeling to him. You might even think of this as the “energy” that you’re bringing to him and your relationship.
I’m going to tell you what’s really going on with a man when this kind of thing is going on.
But first, I need you to do something.
I need you to stop what you’re doing right now.
Then I need you to stop your mind, stop your busy thoughts, and stop trying to “figure everything out.”
I’m going to suggest something you might not understand at first, but I know it’s really going to help –
You’re on the brink of becoming your own worst enemy here.
Because you’ve got a growing case of what I call the “over-analyzing blues.”
This is when you know there’s something going on with your man that you don’t get.
And since you don’t know what it is, and you’re feeling a bit uncertain about things…something bad starts to happen-
Your mind starts to fill in the blanks of each little thing he does and says with some kind of negative or fearful thought. (even if there’s nothing really wrong)
And this creates a negative feedback loop where-
The more you feel uncertain and unnerved by not knowing what’s going on…
The more things feel weird between you…
And thus the worse you feel…
And then the more negative stuff about him and his actions you think and worry about…
And so the more he acts strangely or more distant around you.
The cycle feeds itself and down and down you go.
STOP THE MADNESS.
What you focus on is what you get more of. So if you’re focused on what might be wrong, guess what?
You’re going to not only find something, you’ll create something to be wrong in the meantime- and nothing will happen to make anything BETTER.
I want you to do something right now.
I want you to clear your mind of all your thoughts about him.
I want you to picture yourself sitting in your own personal paradise- whatever or wherever that may be.
It could be on a white sand beach on a tropical island, or it could be on top of a rolling hill looking out over a plain.
Whatever it is, I want you to picture yourself in a place that calms and soothes you.
Now, I want you to picture something for me-
I want you to picture your guy there beside you, with his arms around you.
I want you to picture how loved and cared for and appreciated you feel with him, and how incredible it is when you’re both connected this way.
Go ahead and picture this.
Now, take that feeling that you’re having of the love and connection you feel to him, and take a minute to appreciate what it is that you and he share.
And take a minute to appreciate that feeling and feel GRATEFUL for him and who he is.
Let the love that you feel inside you grow stronger and richer and brighter.
Now that you can feel this love, I want you to think about how your man responds to you when you are this way with him.
Does he reject this kind of feeling from you?
Does he withdraw from this?
No, he doesn’t.
Like other men, he CRAVES being with the woman who is in this place of love, and who brings this incredible and irresistible energy to him.
Now that you see this… let me ask you-
How does this energy and love that you share, which your man craves and is the reason he’s with you… how does that compare to this uncertain and worried energy and over-analyzing that you’re bringing to him and your relationship now?
Think about it for a second.
And now, think about how this energy could be affecting him?
And how is it affecting you?
And how about your entire relationship?
Here’s the first thing I’m getting at-
What if the reason your man seems to be more distant or different with you isn’t because something is really wrong?
What if the reason is what YOU are bringing to him and your relationship with what you’re thinking and worrying about?
The energy you’re putting out there to him doesn’t sound like it’s the kind that would inspire him to feel energized and passionate around you.
And what do men do when they’re around a woman who’s going through intense emotions that they don’t understand?
What do men do when they don’t know what to do emotionally?
They hang back.
They “play it cool.”
Or they withdraw to a place where it’s easy breezy and there’s no heavy emotional stuff going on.
If you think you might be worrying about your relationship, and you find that this only seems to make your man MORE DISTANT… you might want to put 2 and 2 together here.
He might be feeling disconnected or distant from you because you’ve got so much going on in your head that he doesn’t get or even know about.
Danger. This is where you start turning perfectly healthy and normal situations into the kind of situations men can’t help but be baffled and frustrated by.
And more importantly, if you keep worrying about this and feeling uncertain and turn to him for answers to why you feel the way you do…guess what?
He’s likely not going to stand there with open arms waiting to hear and understand how you feel, and explain himself.
It would be great if men would always do this.
It would be great if a man would always be your “rock”.
What happens when they aren’t?
Should it all fall apart?
The truth is that men don’t often know what’s going with you, or why.
They just know if something feels heavy or intense to them.
And when this heavy energy starts to take over in your relationship… this is where a man will want to ESCAPE.
Which only makes you feel worse and seems to be a signal that something really is wrong.
Or is it?
By the way, I’ve finally created an all-in-one resource that will show you exactly how men think, what it means when they act the way you’re describing, and what to do about it that will quickly have him feeling CONNECTED and ENGAGED with you like it probably was in the beginning.
Men can and will predictably WITHDRAW once you get down the road in your relationship.
Knowing what this means and how to handle it is what can make all the difference, and can be what separates you from any other woman a man has ever dated by making him feel that you’re the right woman to be with.
Men get that magic “she’s the one” feeling not when they feel like they have to dig into the little things to make your relationship work- but when it feels EASY.
Once you know how men really think and feel, it’s not only going to feel easy for him… it’s going to BE EASY for YOU to get what YOU WANT in your relationship.
And you having the relationship you want is what this is really all about.
That’s why it’s time you stopped wondering what in the world is going on with men, and stopped feeling stuck or frustrated as the same “issues” keep coming up with men.
What if those issues are things that keep coming up because you haven’t learned how to avoid and move past them with men?
For all my very best tips and a complete guide to what men think and want when it comes to women,love and relationship you need to go check out my Inside The Mind Of A Man program.
In this program I’ll show you:
-The 8 Attraction Killers which are universal with all men
-The 3 Stages of Maturity in a man’s life, and how to identify and understand where your man is at, and what this means about how he’ll be with you in your relationship
-What leads men to cheat, and the best ways to PREVENT CHEATING in the first place
-What men really want and need to find in a woman if they’re going to want a long term, or even lifelong, love affair and relationship with you
-Exactly WHY men so often perceive women and their feelings as NEEDY… and what to say and do so your man not only listens to you but wants to know more.
-And lots more…
There’s so much I want you to know about men that’s going to instantly change the way you see things and shift things for you with men…
And that’s why I STRONGLY RECOMMEND you go and check out what’s in this program and take me up on my special offer.
You can try my new Inside The Mind Of A Man program absolutely free before deciding if you want to keep it.
All you have to do is go here right now and I’ll ship you a copy for you to try for 30 days.
It’s really that simple. And no hassles, no gotchas, no hidden fees if you don’t absolutely love it and want to keep it from all you’ll be getting from it about men.
Go here and try my program now:
Oh, and –
I was really blown away by this email I got the other day and I can’t help but share it with you.
This woman’s love life was changed forever in a few short moments…
>>>>Letter From A Reader
Several months ago, I purchased your “Ready for Love” DVD program. It arrived, yet I didn’t open it for several months because I wasn’t “ready” for it.
I am 49 years old and spent 13 years with the man of my dreams (11 of them married). He decided that he didn’t want to be a husband anymore and we divorced in 2004.
For the past three years, I have been making mistakes, either not dating (hiding in my apartmentand just being “MOM” to my 13 year old daughter), dating the wrong men or just being downright miserable.
One weekend, when I couldn’t take it anymore, I opened the package and watched 3 of the DVDs. I watched the other 2 the following weekend. I was shocked at how much I learned about myself after viewing your program. I will highlight the three things that were most profound to me and have helped me tremendously:
Being able to articulate what love means to me, how I wanted it, yet blocked my ability to receive it. I have learned how to create a clear definition of what I truly want (this was hard).
Addressing my fears and looking at my behavior that stemmed from my fears, which in turn drew me to the wrong men or sabotaged a potentially good relationship. (“We attract what we project.”)
Understanding that a man is NOT the center of my universe, knowing that I am a goddess and that if I nurture myself more, I will attract and receive what I truly deserve! (thank YOU and Dr. Amir)
Now for the success story — thanks to your program and my newfound bravery, I began communicating with a guy I met online. He was saying all of the right things, but I still found myself a little scared. Nevertheless, by applying your principles, I got up the courage to go out on a date with him. Everything was fantastic, but in the back of my mind, I kept referring to what I learned from your program.
Let’s just say that five weeks later, things are still fantastic between us. We talk a lot, laugh a lot and share special times together. It’s not necessarily about “us” or the “future.” I’m not trying to prove to him how “worthy” I feel because he likes me. He is NOT the center of my universe — I still travel, go to the theater with friends and hang out with my daughter and treat myself like a goddess. However, this is so far the best man that I have met in a very long time. He has shared with me the fact that he feels “lucky” to have met me! The old me would have wondered what he was feeling so lucky about. Now I know.
Thanks Christian. You have made a believer out of me.
C.C.- he is lucky to have met you, and so am I.
Thanks for sharing and you made my day.
in Life and Love.
P.S. What if you could go inside the mind of your man and finally know what he was thinking and feeling?
Now you can with my new Inside The Mind Of A Man program.
I’ve got a brand new program that is frankly exactly what lots of women who have been reading my newsletters have been asking for.
And now that they’ve got it and know what their man is really thinking, they can’t stop talking about the new world they’re living in.
EVERYTHING is easier for them now- from talking to their man, to having him coming to them wanting to open up, to getting the understanding and connection that they crave.
Do yourself, and the man you’re going to be with for as long as you want, a favor and check out my new Inside The Mind Of A Man program.