Is there a man you’re interested in and attracted to that ACTS like he may be interested in you, but he hasn’t asked you out on a date yet?
You see him at work, or he’s a friend-of-a-friend that you run into at parties, or is a member of the same club or organization you’re involved with.
Every time you run into him, he seems happy to see you.
He flirts, he smiles, he teases you and tries to get your attention.
He seems to remember every conversation you had and makes you feel like he’s actually PAYING ATTENTION to what you’re saying.
He asks you about your life and makes you feel like he’s really interested in what you’re doing.
He compliments you on the way you look. He looks directly at you, and there’s just something about the way he’s looking that makes you wonder what he’s really trying to say.
It feels good to you.
It feels like he’s attracted to you.
And you find yourself attracted to him.
You look forward to running into him or spending time with him.
He makes you laugh, and every interaction you have with him makes you wonder what it would be like to date him.
But you also feel a bit OFF BALANCE around him, because he doesn’t seem to do what you expect him to do, or what you WANT him to do.
Like suggest you go out for a drink or coffee.
Or ask you for your number or email.
Or want to take things beyond just a casual friendship with a lot of flirting to something a little more “real.”
Sure, he ACTS interested, he flirts with you and tells you that you’re beautiful and smart and interesting, but then he pulls back and makes you wonder if you’re just IMAGINING THINGS.
Is he really interested? Or is he just messing with you?
It confuses you, which makes you think about him even MORE…and it’s driving you crazy.
Will he ever ask you out? Should you make the first move and ask him? Is he shy? Is he waiting for some kind of “signal” from you?
If you’ve ever been in this kind of situation, you know how confusing it is.
One minute, the guy is laying on the compliments and flirting with you like crazy.
And the next minute, he’s off talking to someone else and “ignoring” you, without ever following up or ASKING YOU OUT.
It can even be extra irritating when this happens over and over… when he continues to act interested without ever DOING anything about it…driving you a little more nutty each time.
What does it mean when a guy acts like this, and what can you do when you’re attracted to a man who just won’t make the FIRST MOVE?
I can tell you that there can be many reasons a man will flirt and act “interested” in you, but never ask for your number, call, or make plans to go on a real “date” with you.
One may be that he’s actually involved with someone else, and he doesn’t want to be honest about that, but he enjoys your company and thinks you’re a great woman. He just doesn’t want to “go there” with you.
Maybe he’s attracted to you PHYSICALLY, but doesn’t yet feel that gut-level of emotional attraction to want to take things to the next level with you.
Maybe he’s getting mixed signals from you…one minute he thinks you’re responding and interested, but the next minute he senses some kind of “vibe” that makes him wonder if you’d reject him if he were to ask you out.
OR…Maybe he has his own personal reasons for not wanting to become more involved that have nothing to do with who you are or what you say or do.
These are all things you may have wondered about and guessed by yourself at one point.
Unfortunately, unless you ask him directly, there’s no way to know for sure what’s going on.
But there ARE a few things you can do to increase the likelihood that he’ll want to spend time with you alone and get to know you better.
In this email, I’m going to give you 3 powerful tips on getting a man’s attention and interest, and then a game plan on how to create the right situation so that he can feel comfortable asking you out or taking things to the next level with you.
This way, you can stop over-analyzing everything he’s doing or saying, and stop feeling bewildered about why he keeps flirting with you but not making a move.
And then you can RELAX, create the right circumstances, and let it all work out like magic.
Ready? Here goes.
TIP #1: LEAD WITH ATTRACTION
If a man is looking you up and down and staring at you, or already telling you things like, “You’re the most attractive woman in the room” or “You’re really hot” then it’s a no-brainer.
He’s physically attracted to you.
You’ve already got that going for you.
That’s NOT the kind of “attraction” I’m talking
about here.
That’s PHYSICAL ATTRACTION, and a man can feel that kind of attraction for any woman – whether she’s his “type” or not. A man can appreciate an attractive woman. He might even want to ACT on that kind of attraction alone.
By flirting with you, or kissing you, or even getting “physical” with you.
But a man won’t stick around for the long-term if ALL he’s feeling is that “you’re hot.”
Because there won’t be any of the magic EMOTIONAL or INTELLECTUAL attraction that will keep him wondering about you or actually LONGING for you (in more than just a physical way).
If you know how to trigger that deeper, more alluring kind of emotional attraction in a man, he’ll want to spend time with you and be around you and it will have LITTLE to do with the way you look or the way you’re dressed.
Sure, you looking and feeling beautiful will be a big bonus in his mind, but in order for him to want something more than just a fling, or to feel addicted – he has to be into to you for another, deeper reason.
He’ll be addicted to you because you’re playful and unpredictable.
Because of the way you carry yourself and the way HE FEELS AROUND YOU.
If you know how to LEAD with attraction, how to set up that “feeling” inside a man from the first 5 minutes you meet him, then it’s going to be very easy for him to ask you out, because he’s going to wonder about you and want to be around you.
He won’t be able to resist you.
To learn the steps behind taking a man from that initial “physical” attraction to feeling utterly ADDICTED to being around you, get a copy of my “Natural and Lasting Attraction” CD/DVD Program.
This program is the most comprehensive program I’ve developed on the topic of creating powerful attraction and keeping a man hooked for good.
In this program you’ll learn specific tips and insights into the kind of words, body language and attitudes that trigger a man to think, “hey, there’s something about this girl I really like and am curious about. I like being around her. How can I spend more time with her?”
Check it out for yourself right now at the link below:
Natural and Lasting Attraction
Leading with attraction is different than leading with physical appearance, or leading with your “book-smarts” or letting a man “know” how independent or successful you are.
A man won’t fall for you because of your physical fitness or the kind of job you do.
He’ll fall for you because of the way you make him FEEL when he’s around you, and because you trigger that gut-level of intense emotional attraction in him.
If you know what this is and how it works, you’ll realize how EFFORTLESS it can be to get a great man to ask you out.
To learn all about this kind of attraction and how to trigger it, read this:
Natural and Lasting Attraction
TIP #2: ENGAGE HIM ONE-ON-ONE AND GIVE HIM THE SPACE TO RESPOND
Do you know that a man can be just as afraid or even MORE AFRAID of rejection than you are?
In order for a man to overcome “shyness” or even his fear of rejection, he has to feel pretty confident in himself, or in the idea that if he were to ask you out, you’d respond with a “yes.”
If you’re always surrounded by a group of people, he may not have had the opportunity to see for himself whether or not you’re really available and interested.
If he’s never had a one-on-one conversation with you, where you’re leading with attraction and flirting back, he may not feel too sure of the situation.
You may THINK you’re flirting back or being friendly, but he may be just as unsure about YOU and what you’re feeling or thinking as you are about HIM.
This is why it’s important that if you want to maximize the chances that a man will follow-up with his attraction for you, you have to find a way to ENGAGE HIM that tells him that you’re both interested and available.
Look him directly in the eye when you’re speaking to him. Smile.
And don’t forget to lead with attraction.
Which means avoiding things like:
1. Complaining.
2. Talking about “boring” subjects like the weather or what you do for a living.
3. Letting him “carry” the conversation.
The fact is, if you don’t know WHAT TO DO AND SAY in order to create enough interest for a man to both FEEL SAFE asking you out and creating enough INTEREST in him, then you’re going to have a tough time with men and dating.
These first few moments and dates are critical for setting the stage for a successful relationship down the road.
So what if you do both of the above tips and that guy STILL isn’t asking you on a date?
Is it ok to ask a man out yourself?
The answer is YES, it is perfectly fine to ask a man out on a date if you feel attracted to him and suspect he’s interested, too.
A lot of women have no problem doing this, and it can actually work out and lead to something positive.
But maybe you’re not comfortable with that for some reason.
Maybe you want a man to make the move, or maybe you’re just not 100% sure that he’s interested and available, and you don’t want to risk feeling embarrassed if he turns you down.
I get it. I totally get it.
The thing is, you CAN do something to let a man know that you’d be up for getting to know him better without actually having to ask, “Would you like to go out sometime?”
Here’s how:
TIP #3: “BACKLEAD” HIM
There’s a way to show a man where you want things to go without actually doing it yourself or telling him straight-out what you want.
In other words, there’s a way to tell a man that you want him to ask you out without actually saying the words, appearing desperate, or being too “aggressive.”
You do it by initiating HIM to lead.
In social situations, there’s always a “leader” and a “follower” – and the energy FLOWS from the submissive to the dominant person, not the other way around.
A friend of mine who’s a ballroom dancer taught me this.
In dancing, she SHOWS a man the way she wants him to go without actually pulling or pushing him there.
She does it through a technique she calls “backleading.”
You show a man where you want to go, then you relax and CREATE THE SPACE for him to take you there, but you don’t fill the space for him.
This way, a man can feel like he’s the one who pursued you, and you can feel more relaxed knowing that the date was “his” idea.
Because the LAST thing you want to be doing or feeling is that you’re somehow “chasing” the guy.
So anyhow.
Here’s an example of how you might do this.
You might say something like, “You seem like a great guy. I’d love to get to know you better. Here’s my number. If you were to ask me out for tea sometime, I’d say yes.”
Here’s the caveat for this technique:
It’s NOT backleading when you’re calling him all the time, texting him to meet you somewhere, complaining that he doesn’t call you enough, or pushing him to “make good” on a suggestion that you two do something together.
That’s not backleading.
That’s CONVINCING, and it’s a total turnoff for a man if he’s not yet sure where the relationship is headed.
Now, if you feel like you have no problem with meeting lots of great men, but you don’t understand why time and time again, the man suddenly withdraws or gets distant for no reason…
Or tells you suddenly that he doesn’t quite feel the same “chemistry” with you and wants to date other people…
Or tells you that he’s “not ready” for anything long-term or serious with you – EVEN AFTER TELLING YOU HE LOVES YOU…
Then you need to get yourself a copy of my Natural and Lasting Attraction program right away.
You’ll learn how to UNDERSTAND why men say and do these confusing things and what exactly you can do to STOP a man from withdrawing and keep him hooked for the long-term.
Get some free tips and learn more about my Natural And Lasting Attraction program here:
Natural and Lasting Attraction
I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
P.S. You’re not alone if you are frustrated that relationships with men often start out intense and passionate but quickly and unexpectedly turn cold and distant.
Nearly all women have had the experience of feeling like they’ve finally found something “real” with a man – and sharing themselves both emotionally AND physically – only to have him suddenly PULL AWAY.
And what’s worse… when this happens, there often seems to be no explanation… and NO GOOD REASON AT ALL.
These types of situations make it easy to feel pessimistic towards men in general… and can definitely lead you to believe ALL MEN are just “screwed up”.
But is that the REAL truth?
Find out right here:
Thank-you
i think this was great advice, i really like this guy, i only see him every now and than at work and i have been trying to get his attention for the last year, i know he is physically attracted to me and has made some attempts to talk to me like coming to my office looking for a file folder, but i get so nervous when he comes around i totally blow it by making my self seem unaproachable like i can’t look him in the eye when he is up close to me because i can feel my face starting to turn red and i feel so embarrassed, and then i regret the way i acted and know i just lost another perfect chance to talk to him to get to know him better. i think he knows i am physically attracted to him also because i have made a lot of tense eye contact with him and when i see him i do say hello. it is hard because he has a high class job in the small town i live in and i wouldn’t want him to think im after him because of his title.
the advise this guy gives is fantastic xx
I was in a long distance relationship for 5 months, we were in love. He told me so every day and night on the phone, we spoke about the future together. It was hard when we were apart, talking on the phone was sometimes upsetting as we just wanted to be together. It was also very hard leaving each other after spending a few days together, hard to say goodbye. The last time he was down seeing me, a few weeks back, we were planning the next time to see one another. So that was arranged & we both were looking forward to it! :)) Once he arrived home after his journey on the train from spending time with me, he called me. I was upset.. he reassured me, saying it’s only 13 sleeps then we are together again, I love you with all my heart! This went on for a few days. Then, on the saturday, he was being fairly quiet. Then I arrived home from work and he called me, saying we can’t go on like this.. “I found it so hard leaving you at the station to get the train home, I hate when you are upset, it hurts me knowing you’re upset” etc.. “I will always love you baby, I miss you like hell, but it’s over!” He has phoned me since, acting very different. For instance.. trying to talk to me like a friend, but doesn’t mean it! He’s text alot too, very bland texts. It’s so not like him! He called me last night too.. we kind of argued.. I just wanted to know what the hell was going on! How you can be so in love one minute, then not want to see the person again! He’s been hurt before in the past.. fell in love then the girls have said they don’t want to see him again! He called me this morning, I tried talking to him, he said he doesn’t know if he is just frightened of commitment, because of his past, he’ll get hurt again. He is very depressed, he told me he has just worked, slept and drank lager for the past two weeks! He told me last night again that he’ll always love me and misses me. He has a so-called friend that he talks to in the pub and sometimes on the phone. He told me that his friend has said to him that long distance relationships never work out and to make me come running..etc Oh I am so confused! we were totally in love! Do you think it’s over for good?? please reply if you have time, thank you
Emma, I had a long distance relationship for 3 years, they DO work if you are both committed to making it work.
As difficult as it is to hear, it ‘appears’ to me that when men fall out of love overnight, it is almost always due to interest from another woman. So they need ‘space’. This space is generally for them to run off and investigate this interest. Then keep you hanging in the meantime in case it doesnt work out.
Sure, I may be wrong. But I think what he needs to hear is this:
“I see that you are confused, so take all the time you need to work out what you want. However, you dont get to keep me all to yourself whilst you do that’. Then dont text him, dont email him, dont ring him. He’ll sort out pretty quick what he wants.
He says he misses you….remind him that he misses you because he’s choosing not to be with you. Hard to hear I know.
That was interesting. It sounds like this guy I know. We met last summer, and we’re both part of a youth organization. We go out with our friends on a regular basis. Lots of flirting involved: he behaved just like you say (although we straight away became friends on facebook, exchanged phone numbers, etc.). One evening, about a month after we first met, he offered to drive me home, and, at the end, we kissed and “made out” in his car (we didn’t go all the way, though). I have to mention that none of us was drunk! :-D About a week or two afterwards, he started avoiding me, flirting with other girls, and I called it quits in an e-mail, saying that I didn’t like unclear situations and game-playing. He didn’t have any reaction: he never gave me closure. He didn’t stop me, but he didn’t say things like “It’s not gonna work” or “I don’t want a relationship” either. For a while, he was acting as if I had done something bad to him, was very distant, and we’ve ignored each other almost completely. Now, starting from the beginning of December, he went back to the attitude he used to have in the beginning, with all the flirting included. But still, he never suggests him and I wnet out together just the two of us. More than anything else, I need an explanation for last summer, which I never had. My main theories are: 1. he’s casually dating several girls at once (i.e. playing around) – I know him well enough to know he’s not in a commited relationship; 2. he’s not ready for a more stable relationship, and I am the kind of girl who would prefer that to a casual fling. My question is: should I try to ask him out, just to spend some time together by ourselves, and eventually try to figure him out? On one hand, I’m crazy about him, and, on the other, I’m scared that he would hurt me more than he already did. :-/
Hello, I would like your advice: I met this man on a dating site and we’ve been texting and talking for quite some time now. When we first talked it was for hours and has been that long each time or more. Anyway, he’s mentioned things like when we meet, or we haven’t met yet but we get along so well….He did ask me to go out, we set the day but not the when and where, when the day came he called to cancel. It was okay, I was fine with it, the reason was acceptable.. We have talked and texted since then every day and it was mentioned again where he said.. “Well let me know when you are ready”. I told him I was ready and he can plan the date. As of today, he hasn’t mentioned anything about meeting. I have hinted but still nothing. Should I just wait or move on. I like this guy, we have a lot in common and he seems to like me too but I’m just totally confused.
Who has read and/or watched ‘hes just not that into you’. If a guys not meeting you, then he’s just not that into you. Move on JB, he’s a loser. Probably a married one too.
I met this guy in the gym and he was and still is attracted to me. The way he look at me and smile and even touch me by accedient. I got realy attracted to him and i just had to tell him. I told him that i`m attracted to him. He said he doesnt know how he feels and what he wants. he is acting a little strange on sms but he still wants to gym with me and even go movie with me. I asked him if we can go out on sunday he said we can even go out on saterday. But still he is a little strange in the way he respond on the sms. Is there still green lights or can do i have to make piece with the red flag?
Dear Christian,
I would like to share my story .which is some where like above.I meet this guy in work,he is a colleague of mine the 1st time we talked together was in an official meeting where he started talking to me and asking me question and asked me where is my office so he can visit me.
the next day he visited me just to say HI and see where I sit!!! and the story goes on like that warm Hi, Big Smile when he see me, he call me if I pass by without talking or saying Hi to him and ask me what i am doing and what I am about to do and like that.
little further I add him to Facebook and G mail and he add me to Skype.
the chat through Facebook and Gmail was limited and we talked general things all what he talked about was his family and his brother and sister and mine also majority of the chat was within work environment.In Skype the first time he add me he invite me to join conference chat but i apologized cus it was so late, however any chat we do he suddenly finish it quickly and close the chat even before i realized that!!!
beside the chat whenever he sees me he stand very close and some times he use his hand to fast touch my hand like u through something , i did not notice him doing it with anyone else,and whenever he sees me standing with a guy he room around until he know who is that guy and what i am doing with him .
when day i was passing by him climbing the stair up and he climbing down he touched my hand and compliment me work as well he always call me white angel .
lately before 2 weeks I had to travel to another city in a workshop with some of other colleagues and he was not allowed to join in that day he teased me a lot, then before i travel he shacked my hand and asked me to enjoy!!!
in the way i send him a message about work!!!but until 1 am he did not replay, then at 1 he replayed but he started to be different and he asked me if i want him to keep distance or to be near and my answer was to be near and then we decided our relation is friendship and suddenly he told he have a girl friend at the same time he start asking me “sexy questions” My answers was what is the general role of my country and we can not do that because of tradition and culture, the conservation was through SMSs then he was replaying but my girl will say like that and like this and one things make me wondering if he really have gf is he said he never tested her neither me and some of other details …when i asked him why ur asking me this if u have gf he told me its ok i will pretend that ur my girl!!!! and he completed his conservation until the early morning when we slept.
the second day he told me he was so tired the whole day because of the s…. activity he done that make him very tired and i asked him if he miss me he said that he do not cus the last day he was with me the whole day and its not fair for his gf to talk with me the whole night.
then again he said we are just friend and he can not leave his girlfriend cus he was with her for long time and he wish i will find someone 30 times better than him at the same time there is a future workshop and he is still interested to travel with me to that place
and he left me and closed the chat to sleep ,after that he never answered my SMS .
I got crazy of what happened, then i called him after some days and asked him to talk face to face ,when i meet him i think he was feeling unsecured and never he smiled he sat behind a desk and never used his hand to talked.
he told me what happened “s….. chat” was something normal between normal friends and the tension that happened afterward was just to tell he is not Interested in me he like me as friend he like me work but he is not “Interested” and if he is Interested he should broke up with his gf first and he did not!so my answer was “I never told you I am interested, even though if I am I never said it so it is not there ??” !! then he told me that he have some plans about future and his family but he did not mention his gf but he said that he does not think he will develop and social private relation in this place ” he was abroad for 15 years and he just back before 4 month” .
the last think that i would like to say that in the last conversation on G mail i told him that he is special person to me so i told him what that mean and its not necessarily to mean that I am attracted to him but cus I like his manner and behavioral so I like to keep my social relation with him so he said OK now I feel comfort. and we had small chat about work then I left the place with smile and confirmation that the misunderstanding is solved and the day will solve the remaining.
the 2nd day i saw him from far and just he wave his hand to say Hi, and I had to call him the next day to tell him something about work but he was not able to come in that call i felt that he want to say something but I do not know !!!???
I know he do not hate cus I asked him why u hate me that much within the last G mail chat and he told me if he does he will not talk to me? I know he like me as friend and I know he like me as colleague ? but I do not understand the other things the attraction, the sudden jump from friendship to physical attraction activities and then to friends and then to tension and stop talking with each other?!!
I am thinking a lot about him and keep telling myself ok he is just friend he is just friend but I really miss him, I miss to see him and talk to him “we did not talk or meet for one week now ” at the same time I feel sad that he is just liked me physically or that what I think??
please Guy help me to understand all of this sorry for the long message and thanks for ur time
hi my name is lulu, the thing is there is this guy we used to attend the same class and we started to call each other and he tells me that he lives with his sister and thinks me a lot; then he started to tallk about having sex with me and i told him no, last time he called me and asked me about if i am in to a relashionship and i told him i am single and i asked him to meet in person and he said i will call u any time soon but never did since. i think i like him what do thik about his action and whay should i do
im in love with my first. he was someone i crused on long before i hooked up with hin in highschool so already liked him for along time. i never told him nor was close friends with him. i crushed from afar. i was young and shy and never had a boyfriend. one night after a party somehow i ended up getting a ride with him but i went to his house and hungout. i was so nervous but i ended up having sex with him. i later found out that he was known to try to get with girls. i had no idea he was like that. i was scared and hurt and confused. i didnt know what i did would have changed me forever. it changed me. i was no longer this sweet innocent girl. i felt guilt. but i still crused on him.. after a while we conyinue casuallyhooking up for the restof highschool years… i elt very used by him but i was young and silly i just liked him or thought i did because of the sexual attatchment..after highschool and many times off fighting and not talking to him. he would always come back or try to hnagout and eventually at times i was no longer interested he would be extremely interested. then he acted different he wold say thing lke i miss you and want to hangout. then it turned into i respect you and i d you want to come to my cabin or to lunch. we had such a long complicated history adn im at the point where i have so many different emotions invested inhim i dont know anymore. i want to be in a relationship with him and he has said that we are compatible but i said that maybe we are two different..are we both scared of committing or does he just use me ..it;s been 6 years now and he lives in arizona and he still text me back or answers my calls but he dosnt call me to ask just how i am. what do you thnk from an outside view
some times its better to be a really close friend to him or her than to be a girlfriend or boyfriend because it could mess up what you guys had before or make you feel weird