**Question From A Reader**
I have just read your latest email about mistakes and i have to admit I nearly wept. You are totally right! I recently started spending a lot of time with a guy I used to know. We had an instant connection and he was exactly as you said:
affectionate at first, initiating plans etc, then I made not one mistake but ALL of those you mentioned in your email, and as you said…. he pulled away big time. The attractions gone for him now. What I want to know is, is there any way I can reverse the damage I have caused? Can I get my friendship with him back on track? Is it possible he may learn to feel again what he once felt for me? Please help. Im at my wits end and I really do miss having him in my life. I would be grateful for any advice you could give me on this matter.
Let me get right to the point here about what you need to do…
First off, as you start to recognize new things about yourself and the mistakes you’ve been making, it’s very easy to start thinking that things are EVEN WORSE than you thought they were, and for that to freak you out.
But don’t let this stop you from continuing to learn and grow.
There’s a funny thing that happens to us in life…
It’s that any time you develop a new AWARENESS and you start seeing your behavior and interactions in a new light… at first you often feel like kicking yourself.
But getting down on yourself, feeling overly frustrated and hopeless, and letting the lack of CONTROL you have in your new situation doesn’t help.
Here’s the reality if you’ve recognized that you’ve been making some of the mistakes I talk about…
It’s NEVER TOO LATE.
The man you were dating liked you and was attracted to you for some reason.
And as much as it might seem like his feelings have changed forever towards you, there’s something you should realize-
A man’s FEELINGS can CHANGE VERY QUICKLY, whether you want them to or not.
And you know this from past experience.
Now… most women don’t handle this reality about men, dating, and relationships very well at all.
In fact, lots of women let this completely freak them out and take over their emotions and how they act and talk.
What’s behind all this is FEAR.
Fear of loss.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of abandonment.
Fear of not being loved, or not being good enough to be loved.
And lots of women let these fears take over and run the show as their emotions get the best of them.
Of course, I get that it can be a frightening idea that all it takes is just a few wrong words or actions and “Wham!”… the man in your life who you’ve been sharing so much of yourself with is suddenly not feeling it for you anymore.
But here’s the thing:
The fact that a man’s feelings can change so quickly has TWO SIDES to it.
See, if a man’s feelings can quickly change from feeling interested and attracted to a woman, to feeling that “Ewwwww” feeling where he wants to get away from her…
It’s also true that a man can quickly change from feeling UNATTRACTED and uninterested … to feeling intensely ATTRACTED and wanting to spend time with you again.
In other words, men’s feelings and their reactions and responses to a woman can change quickly in EITHER DIRECTION – from good to bad, or from bad to good.
Of course, I’m not just telling you this because it sounds like it makes sense.
I KNOW all this firsthand, and have watched and experienced it during the YEARS I’ve spent observing, studying, and coaching women with men, love, and relationships.
I can honestly say that I’ve helped thousands of women create what I’ll call instant “shifts” in their lives and relationships… and do this with men they thought they had driven away for good.
The point is, you can either let the fact that a man’s feelings can change as a result of your behavior SCARE you and make you ANXIOUS and INSECURE (which will only make things worse for you)
You can see that the fact that his feelings can quickly change, can work to your advantage… and you can use this fact to have a man very quickly go from NOT FEELING IT for you… to feeling that gut-level ATTRACTION for you in a few short moments and interactions.
I’ve literally seen men go from feeling like they had to get away from a woman they were dating and telling all their friends that it was over…
To suddenly remembering why it was that he was interested and attracted to her in the first place, and then start calling, making plans, and thinking about her all the time.
I’ll even have to admit that I’ve done this myself in the past.
Now, here’s what to do with all this…
Becoming more AWARE of what’s going on with men, dating, and relationships is just the first step.
Being able to simply IDENTIFY the PROBLEMS that are causing a man to suddenly lose interest is the battle most women struggle endlessly with and are NEVER able to understand.
So… it’s great when you start to really become CONSCIOUS of your own thinking, feelings, and behavior, and how they effect the man in your life
All the self-awareness in the world isn’t going to teach you and show you exactly what it is that you need to START DOING to go from pushing a man away to making him feel an INTENSE level of ATTRACTION when he’s around you.
Finding out what the PROBLEM is is just half the answer that teaches you about what it is that you need to STOP DOING.
But you’ve still got to put the puzzle pieces together on what to START DOING.
Let me give you a quick pointer:
STOP TALKING to the man in your life about the mistakes you’ve made… or about what’s happening in your relationship.
And stop it RIGHT NOW!
Let me ask you…
What are men seeking more than anything in a woman?
Well, when it comes to a man finding a woman he wants to be with and STAY with… men are looking for a woman who is FUN, SEXY – and most important in terms of building a lasting long term relationship – EASY TO BE WITH.
This might sound too simple to be something that could change your life and relationship…
But the reality is that most women who are having problems with men losing interest in them because of their behavior are completely misunderstanding what’s going on inside a man’s mind.
When a woman feels hurt, scared, or uncertain with a man… often times she will act out on her feelings in indirect ways to try and get the man to see what she’s feeling and relate to her and start talking about it.
She wants for a man to recognize and pay attention to her feelings… and to UNDERSTAND her.
But this is NOT how men react and respond when it comes to pain, fear, and uncertainty.
Men seek to avoid or break through all these things… and their minds are constantly working to figure out how to get rid of these things all together.
Of course, love and life and relationships don’t work this way. But it doesn’t keep men from trying, or from wanting the world around them to work this way.
Point being, when a woman shows up and acts overly emotional, upset, insecure… and does things that are UNATTRACTIVE to a man, it’s bad enough.
But then when a woman sees the damage that her behavior has done to her relationship with a man… and she starts to FEEL BAD about that too… things quickly go from bad to worse.
Each time she calls a man and he hears her voice, he instantly knows she’s still in that place of fear, worry, and emotional uncertainty.
And this will keep pushing the man further and further away.
The answer isn’t to try and talk through all your uncertain feelings with a man – if you’re goal is to connect with him and keep building his interest and attraction for you.
The answer is to do the things that create attraction in HIM.
Translation – stop talking and thinking about the PROBLEMS you’re feeling between you… and start being the woman a man naturally feels excited and joyful with when he’s around.
THEN, when you’re in a close and connected place, talking to a man and getting him to share and understand – and even initiate conversations about your feelings and your relationship – will be easier than you ever thought possible.
So stop doing the things that you’re learning PUSH MEN AWAY… and START doing the things that tons of other women have learned naturally build more interest and ATTRACTION inside a man.
Now, for lots of women it can be a long and frustrating process trying to figure out what it is that makes a man experience that magic FEELING of ATTRACTION … and to feel it so strongly that he literally can’t keep himself
from wanting to be with you.
Some women spend their entire lives doing all the WRONG THINGS with the RIGHT MEN in their relationships… only to finally figure out too late all the things they were doing pretty much guaranteed that a man would stop feeling attraction for them as time went on.
And some women, even after they’ve “done the work” and gotten rid of all the negative patterns in their life that kept them from drawing a man to them for lasting love, still can’t clue into the ‘hard-to-identify’ but simple things that make a man keep “feeling it” for them.
Luckily, I’ve done all the “homework” for you in this area to help you learn and understand what it is that a man will respond to on a deep emotional level.
A man needs a woman to trigger something inside him that goes much deeper than the common Physical Attraction that men can and do experience for many women… if he’s going to feel and know that THIS woman is not just any woman, but the ONE WOMAN he wants to be with.
If you’d like the most complete guide to understanding how to create the FEELING of ATTRACTION inside a man – and how you can keep it alive and well so that you’re relationship keeps growing and a man will want to STAY with you – then it’s a MUST that you go and check my “Natural & Lasting Attraction” program HERE:
And by the way, if you’re making serious mistakes with a man such as:
- Trying to convince him to like you, want you, or to stay with you… and completely losing your composure when you see any sign of him losing interest in you
- Calling him too much and trying to be the one to make plans and make sure that you spend time together and see each other
- Becoming upset with him when he doesn’t call, then not knowing how to get your feelings out and communicate with him without creating an even worse situation for yourself
Then here’s the thing…
You’ve probably been doing these kinds of things for a while in your life… and not just with this one man in particular.
You’ve probably been doing these kinds of things for a while as a PATTERN with the other men in your past as well.
In other words, it’s not just the SITUATION that is bringing up all these emotional responses and reactions inside you.
It’s that on a deeper emotional level, YOU don’t have some critical parts of your own life “handled” or together… and it’s showing up in your relationship and pushing him away.
Don’t let what you aren’t aware of about yourself (but could quickly get handled) keep you from the love and the relationship you want.
If you find yourself losing your composure too often, letting your emotions take over and regretting it too often after the fact, and you’re starting to recognize that not all of what you’re doing and choosing to do with a man is totally CONSCIOUS… then you need to take the time and the steps to take care of what’s going on INSIDE YOU first.
Once you take care of what’s happening inside you on an emotional, spiritual, and psychological level… a lot of the things on your outside that a man sees and experiences will start to take care of themselves.
And you’ll start to magnetically ATTRACT a man and create the right situations and the right relationship from the inside out.
And be sure to let me know what you think.
I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.