I’m stuck again.Not sick, not tired, just going backwards in my mind.

A psychic practitioner stopped me at the end of a party yesterday, and told me I was about to have a detour.

Today.

I don’t quite remember the exact words she used, but it was something along the lines of “Right now you’re going down the 405, and you’re about to take a detour, and then you’ll have to decide what you want to do with your life.”

And then she disappeared.

Okay.

So one part of me sees only possibilities in that scenario – Wow, choices, new things, new roads, new…. And then another part – Gremlin Voice soaked for sure – screams Other shoe dropping!

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I make things up.

I’m standing at the kitchen sink, a soapy dish in my hand, and I’m enraged.

My face is screwed up in fury.

I want to hurl the dish at the window.

I’ve just imagined that my husband is doing something awful that hurts me, and I’ve gone through the entire scenario of discovery, pain and rage – all in about two seconds.

I catch myself and stop cold.

What am I doing?

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I know what I instinctively do when I get angry.

I sit on it.

I want to think about it.

I want to think about what to do with it.

If the person who just said or did something that got my anger started, especially if it’s my husband or my daughter, I most especially stuff it down until I can figure out what to say.

Often the moment gets lost entirely.

I find myself grumpy or tense ten minutes later, ruminating on my anger like a cow chewing cud, and my opportunity to express myself feels lost forever.

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