Ever been in a relationship where you KNEW inside that it wasn’t working… but you loved the guy and tried everything to make it work anyways?
And despite all your efforts, neither you OR him became the least bit happier or more fulfilled, despite everything you tried.
So you finally took matters into your own hands and broke things off… (while secretly you were hoping that he’d change once he saw that you were serious about leaving him).
But this only ended up making you feel WORSE and less certain about whether you were doing the right thing.
If you’ve been through this situation, or something similar as a woman, you’re not alone.
Below is one of the most common email questions I receive and my response about what to do if you’re in this place in your love life.
Keep reading to find out what to do if your relationship hasn’t been “working”… and why trying to “fix” things only leads you to more of the same unfulfilling experiences that are pushing you and the man in your life apart.
I’m about to show you a better way…
>Note: It is possible to create a positive and lasting “shift” in your relationship – if you know now. Part of the secret to this involves ATTRACTION. If you want to quickly learn how to create the kind of ATTRACTION that will draw a man to you, no matter what the “state” of your relationship has been… then check out my “Natural & Lasting Attraction” program here:
Natural and Lasting Attraction
>>>>Question From A Reader:
I wondered if you could help. I was going out with a guy for 10 years. At the start we were madly in love, there was passion, security everything, although intellectually we were incompatible. I needed friends and other contacts which he resented. He became increasingly jealous and controlling. We lived together but in February of this year I moved out. I couldn’t stop seeing him entirely. I was still attached to him.
However this August he came round to my house and after a particularly ugly display of emotion he kicked my door. I said I no longer wanted any contact and kept that up for nearly 3 months. He was broken hearted and begged me back many many times. I was as cold as ice and still resentful as to his behavior previously. Over time I softened and thought it might be time to meet up. At the last minute I cancelled and he went out on a pub crawl.
Overnight his attitude changed!!!! He met someone else who he has been seeing for the last 3 weekends (even though he is loathe to admit it). I knew straight away. Now it is me who is heartbroken. I feel that life has come back and kicked me in the teeth and that I want him back. I miss him. However after trying to see him and getting replies like he needs ‘space’ I have decided to cut all contact again. What can I do? Will he come back? Or has he just met a newer model and in fact his feelings for me were superficial?
I’ve got to be honest with you.
I cringed as I read several things here…and the only thing running through my head was, “WHAT IS SHE THINKING!?!?”
Do me a favor-
Take a deep breath… center yourself for a minute… make sure you’re sitting up straight and paying attention… and go ahead and give yourself a good hard SLAP!
OK. Now that you know how much this hurts and how dumb this is to do to yourself… I want you to go ahead and do it again.
Give yourself one more good hard SLAP across the face.
Now, in case you don’t get it yet, this is exactly what you’re doing to yourself in your love life right now.
By slapping yourself, you’ve just PHYSICALLY experienced what it is that you’re doing to yourself EMOTIONALLY in your love life.
Hopefully now you’ll start to wake up to what you’re doing to yourself here.
But let’s get on to WHAT TO DO.
There’s a very complex and sophisticated “technique” I’m going to show you that you need to use in your situation…
Pay close attention here, because this one is tricky. Too tricky for lots of women.
Here’s the complex technique I want you to use in your situation-
For anyone else who was seeing things clearly and thinking about what would actually work in their love life… moving on would be pretty simple and straightforward.
But not for you.
And yeah, I get that break-ups and moving on isn’t as easy as 1, 2, 3. It can take time for you to move past your old feelings.
But clinging to your old feelings and your false ideas of how things were in the past – and trying to get back there – is only leading to your own SUFFERING, or taking you back to a place where you honestly don’t want to be.
Here’s the thing…
It’s painfully obvious, and any old “pop-psychologist” could tell you, that as soon as this guy stopped pursuing you, you wanted him back.
But that’s actually NOT the REAL TRUTH here.
The real truth is that as soon as a man isn’t pursuing you, you of course want the ATTENTION back.
But more importantly, you want the the strange comfort that comes from having ANY MAN around that you believe has the POTENTIAL to be a good man and “make you happy” (instead of insisting on a man who is actually a good man).
I’m getting pretty deep here, so I’ll get to the point.
If you were honest with yourself, you’d realize that you’re NOT concerned with wanting this particular guy back.
No. Instead, you want him back at your doorstep in hopes of AVOIDING something else you know in the back of your mind would be far far worse for you than being back in your old relationship that didn’t work in the first place.
Something that makes you feel 50 times more fearful and uncomfortable than not getting this particular man back into your life.
And that certain something is BEING ALONE.
Think about it for a minute…
I want you to step back from everything going on around you and in your love life right now.
And I want you to get in touch with what’s going on for YOU, instead of what’s going on with the man in your life.
Now answer a simple question for me-
Answering honestly, how many of the things that you do, or the things that you’ve chosen for yourself when it comes to men and relationships, stems from your own personal fear of being alone?
Take a minute to think this through.
This could be a huge moment for you right now… so open your mind up and take a good hard look.
I’ll give you a few minutes to think about this.
Now, did you see anything new that you didn’t recognize about yourself before?
Take out a pen and a piece of paper right now and write down what you just learned or identified about yourself.
To compare notes now, let me share some common things women do avoid their fear of being single or alone…
-Dating “Unavailable Men”:
This one is common but counterintuitive to understand. Lots of women who are afraid of being alone end up picking the same kind of men over and over who just don’t “get it” and don’t show up emotionally in relationships.
Of course, if you do this, at the root of the problem is YOU. You don’t believe in your ability to meet a REAL MAN, or to have a REAL relationship so you take what comes along (anything) and try to make the situation, and the man, into something more than they are.
-Accepting “Unacceptable” Behavior From Men:
If you’re a woman who’s afraid of being alone more than you are of being in a BAD, NEGATIVE, HURTFUL RELATIONSHIP… then guess what you’re likely to end up with? That’s right… a bad relationship.
When you are afraid of being alone, or living independently, men can quickly sense this inside you… even if you don’t ever say it. You send off a kind of “vibe” or “energy” when you get close to a man. Usually this looks, in part, like clingy or needy behavior.
Guess what this does with a man? It’s 100% Grade-A Man-Repellent if you are looking to ATTRACT a man and build the foundation for a lasting relationship.
Those are just a few things off the top of my head that women do to avoid the fear of being alone.
Recognize anything here?
If so, and you’d like a shortcut to learning how to get rid of the negative thinking and behavior that isn’t working and TURNS MEN OFF…
Then it’s time you learned exactly how any woman can magnetically draw a man in on a DEEP EMOTIONAL LEVEL for a more connected and lasting kind of situation.
And as luck would have it, I’ve already put together an entire CD/DVD program to help you as a woman do exactly that – create an intense level of ATTRACTION with a man that will draw him in and emotionally “connect” him to you in a way that will carry your relationship forward in a way that feels almost effortless.
Go here now to see some video samples from my “Natural & Lasting Attraction” CD/DVD program and be on your way.
It’s all here:
Natural and Lasting Attraction
And of course, if you haven’t read my eBook “Catch Him & Keep Him,” it’s really the best place to get started on your new path in love with my stuff.
You can download your copy of my eBook below and be reading it in just a few minutes. So go download it now if you haven’t read it yet.
You can download my eBook here right now:
I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love.
Leave a Reply