Do you know what a healthy and mature man looks and acts like?
And are you clear on whether the upsetting or frustrating things men have done to you in your past are true signs that something are wrong with these men?
I find that when I help women understand men better,they often have an amazing realization that many of the things they were upset at their man for weren’t such horrible things after all.
It was simply not understanding what’s going on that’s the real source of conflict.
Don’t let this keep happening to you and your relationship.
Don’t let this keep pushing you and your man apart.
One of the most common areas where great women misunderstand men is with COMMITMENT.
Do you know how commitment works for a man, and why he either believes his life will be better off as a result of committing to a woman, or worse?
For my very best secrets and insights on what makes a man feel like committing to a woman for a deep and loving partnership, and the reasons men become fearful and resistant with you, go read this:
Let’s talk about how to recognize and know if a man really has his act together and is a good bet for your time and attetion.
Here are 3 signs of a healthy and mature man-
Sign #1: He Can Stay “Calm In The Storm”
Mature men aren’t easily rattled to where they act out, become defensive or blame others.
Mature men remain calm even when things are at their most intense and uncertain.
This “groundedness” is something most women love and appreciate about their man when push comes to shove.
Immature men, on the other hand, can’t handle a woman’s real feelings and fall apart when even the smallest hint of conflict or tension comes up.
Here’s something you should know…
Mature men can handle your most intense feelings and remain honest and thoughtful when you share them (although they won’t always agree with you, or give you what you want).
Immature men become unsettled and react negatively when a woman is the least bit honest and concerned about anything that isn’t great in their relationship.
Immature men will act as though a woman should have never talked about or brought up anything about the relationship that’s on her mind that isn’t fun, complimentary, or about sex.
Here’s one reason why less mature men act this way-
They often take what a woman is feeling not to be a show of care and concern for the relationship…
Instead, they take it as a CRITICISM about themselves as men.
This comes from the false belief many immature or less experienced men hold that a woman should simply be happy because they are together.
And that everything else is “drama” or unnecessary worry or details.
*Hint- men want nothing as much as to make the woman they’re interested in or with feel happy.
More mature men aren’t afraid of a woman’s feelings, and won’t let things go off the deep end emotionally just because a problem or less-than-great feeling has been shared.
They understand that if a woman is bothered, upset, or concerned with something in their relationship… that it doesn’t mean that she’s UNHAPPY.
It just means there’s something she’s seeing or feeling that she needs to share and address.
The IDEAL way for a man to be with a woman is to stay in that strong and centered place where no matter what his woman brings to him- he’ll listen to her feelings and keep loving and supporting her.
That means that a man will be at his MOST SUPPORTIVE when a woman has intense feelings to share that are about him, their relationship, or how she’s feeling.
Healthy and mature men have an easier time listening and communicating in a calm and loving way when his woman is at her most intense with him.
Choosing a man who already has this quality of remaining “calm in the storm” can and will make everything in your relationship much easier.
Also…
Being conscious about HOW YOU COMMUNICATE your feelings with your man, and taking care to not accidentally make him feel CRITICIZED, is the sign of a healthy and mature woman.
*For my best tips and secrets on communicating with a man in your relationship, read this:
Sign #2: He Has Other Healthy Relationships
This is an obvious sign you might already know about.
I’m not telling you about it because it’s obvious.
I’m telling you about it because it’s obvious and most women still IGNORE the plain and simple facts that are presented when they look at the other relationships a man has, or has had in his life.
It’s important to know WHY too many do this.
They do it because they aren’t looking at their relationship, and the man they already feel emotionally attached to, through the lens of “how is he in relationships.”
They’re looking at him through the lens of the ATTRACTION and CHEMISTRY they feel for him.
Chemistry is great.
But if you want a real lasting and loving relationship, picking a man you know has the necessary qualities and “skills” to have a great relationship with you is just as important.
There’s a great saying out there I keep hearing lately that’s true for men and woman-
“How you do anything is how you do everything.”
Think about it…
The way in which we handle anything we come across- whether it’s a stressful situation at work, or a small fender-bender accident we get in- it says a lot about who we are and how we handle all the other areas of our life.
Knowing this, guess what’s a great indicator of how a man is or will be in a close and intimate relationship?
The other relationships he already has in his life.
If you meet a new man in your life, pay attention to how he handles conflict or issues that come up in his other relationships (family, friends, ex’s, etc.).
If he handles these with patience, compassion, understanding, and a positive attitude that has the goal of a positive and loving outcome in mind, it’s a good bet to assume this is how he’ll handle things that might come up with you.
If, on the other hand, he takes offense whenever anyone sees him as less than perfect…
Or he instantly defends himself or redirects any problems or complaints people have with him back to the person who had them and tries to blame them back…
You can also bet that he likely WON’T handle things well with you and stay open and listen when real things come up in your relationship.
*Tip- one of the best things you can do inside your relationship with a man to keep him open isn’t what most women do, which is to try and TALK to him more.
The quickest and easiest way to have a man feel and act smitten with you and WANT TO KNOW all about you and what he can do to keep your relationship happy and on track is simple-
Make sure he’s still experiencing that intense emotion called ATTRACTION with you.
Unfortunately, lots of us in relationships either lose sight of, or don’t know how to keep alive the attraction and the passion that brought us together in the first place.
If you want to use the easy methods that go past a man’s relationship hang-ups and go right to his heart and mind to inspire his excitement for you and your relationship again… you need to go here for my very best tips on making a man feel intense ATTRACTION for you:
Natural and Lasting Attraction
Sign #3: A Purpose That’s Greater Than Himself
I’m about to share with you one of the very best ways to tell if a man has “done the work” for himself and might make a great boyfriend or husband.
Let me ask you…
Have you ever been with a man who was either going through a big change in his life, or he just didn’t have his act together?
If so, then I don’t have to tell you what a nightmare it can be to try and stay close to a man who doesn’t feel great about his life and his career.
The simple truth is, men feel better about themselves, and are often better partners in their relationships, when things are going well for them in their career of financially.
And this is the reality with most men whether you like it or not.
Here’s the good news…
Not all men will become irritable, withdraw, or act like an animal going off to die on their own with you if they have this one other thing going on for themselves.
And that one thing is a PURPOSE they are dedicated to that is about something more than themselves or their bank account.
Let me explain what this means…
What is a PURPOSE? And why is it so important for a man?
A man’s purpose is the REASON WHY he does what he does.
For instance, if you know a man who is a writer,he probably doesn’t just write for the paycheck (if he has a purpose).
On a deeper level, he might write and be inspired because of the benefits it brings to OTHER PEOPLE.
These benefits might be:
- People are transformed as they read his work
- People learn things reading his stuff
- His work inspires people’s imaginations or creativity
I think you see what I’m getting at.
So why is a man having a purpose so important?
It’s important because it does the following things for a man:
- It keeps him from judging himself and valuing himself solely by his “success” in the things that he does most
- It teaches him that helping and supporting others can be, and is more rewarding, than just helping yourself
- It keeps him from freaking out and going off the deep end with you in your relationship if the other things he doesn’t really have control of in his life change or fall apart
You’re starting to see the importance of Purpose in a man’s life, and what happens when a man doesn’t have one or is disconnected from anything like this in his life.
The question for you is…
Do you support men with their Purpose, and show understanding when they are out of touch with it?
Or do you take it personally when the man you’re with is feeling frustrated, worthless, or insignificant as a man when he isn’t living up to his purpose?
Do you take these feelings and the behaviors that men develop when they’re having a tough time personally, and make them an issue in your relationship?
These are great questions to ask yourself as your looking at how healthy and mature men are.
YOUR PURPOSE AS A WOMAN
What do you do when you feel disconnected from love and the man you’re with?
Do you inspire and create more love and make it easy for you both to connect?
Or do you get frustrated that things aren’t going well and accidentally push him further away with your feelings?
It would be great if a man would be mature and open and care for your feelings each time in your relationship.
But this isn’t the case for most women, and in most relationships.
We need to do the right things FOR OURSELVES in order to give our partner the gift of our highest selves with them.
Are you showing and giving men your highest self?
That amazing and confident happy woman that he will simply want to be with and stay close to?
Or are you showing him a woman who is having a tough time just feeling loved and appreciated?
The woman inside you that you show to the man you’re with can and will make all the difference.
If you find yourself being less than your best in your relationship – and you’re willing to open up to the idea that it’s not just his fault – but that you could be bringing more to your relationship…
Then it’s time you got back in touch with that amazing woman inside you.
I’ve put together an incredible program that’s already helped thousands of women do just that-break out of their old patterns and get back to that great woman inside that a man will be drawn to all on his own.
It’s called “Ready For Love.”
Go to the link below to watch some free video clips from this program.
You can also try it out free for a full 30 days if you’re ready to make the choice for change in your heart and mind.
Get back to that place where love and connection simply flow from you and effortlessly draw the right man to you with the help of my “Ready For Love” program.
It’s here:
I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
P.S. What’s inside the mind of your man?
Why is it that men want a relationship one day, then fear for their “freedom” the next?
I’m going to be sharing these secrets about men and more in my new live Seminar coming up the weekend of March 29th/30th.
All the details on this live event, and how to be one of the few lucky women who get to join me for this small group event are here:
By the way… there are only a handful of seats left for my live seminar. Just 12 to be exact.
There are a few hundred thousand women who are reading this email right now, so if you are at all interested in coming and joining me… then you need to reserve your place right now.
Again, sign up and get all the details here:
Marcia says
I would love to know if you are doing a seminar in or around Seattle WA. any time soon. I need your help, assistance and knowledge. Thanks in advance for your response.
Audrey Moore says
This is brilliant!
samantha says
Thank you. I am unable to excess some of the free ebooks. please forward to me by email
Laura says
Dear Christan,
I have many of your DVD’s and am delighted with them.
I recently got the ‘really bad news’ from a man I love deeply. it is over.
He said he wanted to be completely honest but when I was he just didn’t want it. He would not come as close as I needed and I freaked out. I served him constantly but my needs went undone. He just could not come close emotionally, even physically was hard for him.
I see the mistakes I made and am working with your DVD’s to change my inner state.
He says he is wanting a friendship but never invites me to be with him. He will let me invite but that seems laborious and not real.
So I stopped coming around and stopped all I was doing towards him.
I deeply love this man, his vision, his character. What else should I be doing?
Have I lost something very precious?
thank you,
Laura
jaarin96 says
Wow by this logic any man that responds less than glowing to any criticism given to him by a woman is “immature”? That’s a good one . Mature men know not to give a woman critique because most of them don’t want it just unconditional support. “No that dress doesn’t make you look fat”..LOL Enjoyed your article though.
Lori says
comin to TN anytime i would love to see you
Lori says
i have been with my sons dad for 3 years and this is the second time he has just up and ran off he has never had a stable realtionship his mom and dad left him when he was 4 and i have tried to give him a good life but the first time he was cheating but i do love him very much and i know he was sorry for what he had doen but now its my time to shine in the light im a beautifull girl with a wonderful little 2 year old son who is the light of my life but i want to let go i just didnt it would be this hard but im doing it and staying strong !!!!
Lori says
but also i think he is playing games cause he says onething thn says something else, like he is still in love with me but doesnt wont to live with me oh well just didnt know if you guuys could explain cause thats weird
takesia ragland says
This article has really helped me identify rather or not the relationship i’m currently in is worth while. unfortunately it isn’t i’m with a guy that is very immature and disrespectful to me- but he says that he loves me he always calling me degrading names and accuses me of cheating. I had a potluck at work and he became very upset because i had baked a pie and brought in a wii game to play. he accused me of cheating with the boss and being a slut because of tht potluck and he kept calling my job leaving me voice mails calling me the office slut and a bitch and whore. he said that i shouldn’t of ate with the people at work or played the wii games. instead i should have eaten lunch by myself and wait for him to call me. this has happened on several occassions. at this point i am tired. i’m a younger woman in my 30s and he is 53. i thought he would be mature due to his age. then he blames me for him calling me names. he says it’s my fault.
Peter says
That,s was very good advise, but the change in many ways many times to. I never do this but I would like to an /e-mail from you. I,m a divorse for 10 years and my wife change me for another weman after 20 of merry, but I a,m a very honest man.
Peter says
Your comment was a very good advise, than,s Peter G.
Diana says
Hi.
Where and when are the live seminars on please?
I’m interested in later in the year in November, December, 2011 & January 2012
Thankyou so much, Diana
judy says
Great article. But what if u have been giving your man your highest, happiest, most supportive self but not getting anything in return? Where is the effort on his part? How is he benefitting my life? I definitely don’t get the same kind of support and optimism from him. Sometimes I’ll feel sad because he’s so busy that he doesn’t have time for me. He says he loves me but that he can’t control how busy he is with school and work. I usually just end up feeling neglected or wondering what I did wrong. I know in my heart that I’ve been trying my best in to make this relationship work but it seems like I’m the only one putting in effort. My bf is always arguing for “himself”, while I’m arguing for “us”. I look at us as a team but when we argue he’ll bring me down and make me feel stupid. He basically makes me feel like I’m “wrong” for feeling that our relationship should take a higher priority in his life. I have a life, friends, a full-time and a part-time job and somehow I have all the time in the world for him.. He has a full plate as well but this apparently makes him unavailable most of the time.. Its hard for me to feel loved without some occasional reassurance. Anyways, any advice would be helpful. Thanks!
annelli says
Judy that’s no excuse—the president of the united states is busy too, but I am certain he makes time for his wife and children. Men that use that “I’m busy” excuse are not really all that serious about a relationship although they may have feelings for you, even though they may love you, it’s just that it’s not that deep enough that they will make you a priority and if you are a great woman, you shouldn’t put up with that. In love relationships we shouldn’t settle regardless of how much we love the person or they love us—if they aren’t meeting our standards or giving just as much or more of what we are giving then we should end it. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT settle in love…NEVER, EVER. The likelihood of your guy being different with someone else is slim to none as well…he is probably this way in all his relationship because that statement is true “How you do anything is how you do everything.”
sohan says
u r gud..lol.
Kate Nelson says
Christian, This article is great; I would like to see more like it. Women often struggle with differentiating between mature and immature partners. I would, however, encourage you to incorporate some information about commitment phobia into your future materials. (Men Who Can’t Love) Unfortunately a lot of your good advice can actually backfire when the guy is a hardcore commitment-phobe. I am a great fan of yours and have purchased and read your book from cover to cover and listened to most of your seminars and it’s all been incredibly helpful to me. It helped me to be so much healthier in my most recent relationship. Unfortunately, being open and communicating in the ways you described will not move a relationship with a commitment phiobic man forward at all. It’s very confusing when the person you are with says they love you but setting boundaries and communicating in healthy blame free ways does not have a positive outcome, just the opposite. Steven Carter said it so well: about talking to a commitphobe about your relationship “in his head he’s like a guy on Death Row and you keep offering to fix the electric chair”. I think adding this perspective to your instructions would give women a deeper understanding that healthy relationship skills won’t necessarily have the desired effect if your partner is deeply conflicted about commitment to begin with. Thanks Christian and keep up the good work!