Comments on: Why Men Withdraw, And What To Do About It

By: Daisy

Daisy — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 02:37:11 +0000

I think I know the reason why women need to figure out men in order for relationships to work. Because women THINK relationships. Men just DO them. Some one has to be the one to figure it out, and it isn’t going to be the man!

By: Sensible Woman

Sensible Woman — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 07:27:51 +0000

WHO ARE YOU? A MAN WHO WANTS TO BLAME EVERYTHING ON THE WOMAN, THAT’S WHO, I COULD TELL THAT IN THE 1ST FEW PARAGRAPHS. Ladies, this is why we feel insecure & let men empower us, because of finger-pointing eglomaniacs like this guy. You think you have the whole scenario wrapped up in a neat little package – get a grip, dude. This sounds like a verbatim description of a situation you were in. Ich, enuf of you!

By: AMY

AMY — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 16:01:15 +0000

i just come out of a bad relationship where the man didn’t know what he was doing and kept on distancing himself away from me. He used to say that he didn’t want to get attatched and thats why he would end it occationally. the mad thing is that i know he loves me and wants to be with me but he seriously has problems commiting in the relationship. Instead of groveling to him and chasing i just stepped back and waited. He would always come back and try again. but this time i told him that i was done with this and the madness.
I have now met another guy which i really like. the only problem is he won’t let me close enough to see if it will work as a relationship. He has told me everything about his past and how his last relationship really affected him. i just don’t understand what i should do. Should i just step away and see what happens or just give up. have anybody got any advise on what i could do???
I love christian’s advise as i can always relate and he has a real inside and great understanding on relationships. keep up the work x

By: my self and i

my self and i — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 05:39:04 +0000

its great how woman can react to small things, i m a woman and i constantly need attention, i try to hide it but it just shows naturally. I met my boyfriend on line we started our relationship as friends. he calls me everywhere he goes as friend lately for the last 7 months we started dating each other. i love him so much and i feel his love too. when i asked him lately where our relationship going he just dont give me a straight answer. he told me all about his past and lately i went to visit him (in his coutry) i find out he had still old vidies from his past relationship. i reacted really badly as i dont know what s going on he strated shouting at me and he said is none of my business is just something from the past. i quite hide my fraustration when he drive me crazy but i just cant keep hiding it and when i try to talk about it he doesnt want to listen simply avoiding any arguments. the last thing is it s me who calls all the time he hardly ever does.
could you please help as it s just driving me drazy his behaviour and attitude lately.

thank you

By: sederick

sederick — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 18:33:09 +0000

WOW! That’s all… just WOW!!! :c ) the bottomline for me is being in a relationship that is care-free and enjoyable, makes me feel complete and loved and appreciated. I want my partner to feel the same, but i can only express myself and hope the reaction is pleasant.

I totally dislike the BIG CONVOs that result in complete shutdowns on both parts, if no one tries then nothing will be gained.. I don’t care who makes the move – as long as the end result is we’re still together. I don’t like starting over (i really don’t…) but i refuse to just be unhappy and shut in to an unhealthy relationship / missing out on joys of daily life.

Point being you can’t control people, but you can influence them…and sometimes that doesn’t work well either. Appreciate who you have in your life…things can change in a second. But do not endure suffering, life is too short – find a cure or find another… or fly solo… it either works or doesn’t… Sooner or later, instead of “repairing/fixing” the car, you eventually just buy a new one – or get another used one :c ) and start over with a clean slate.

i think David, 27. July 2009, 4:12 was really on to something.

btw, “my best isn’t good enough” is a really bad feeling to have…

** and yes, it’s a lot of angry women out there – now, why would i run into a burning house ?!?!?!?

By: Brandon Curbow

Brandon Curbow — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 06:30:50 +0000

Well, in my opinion, to have a good relationship takes more than just emotional clarity. If 2 people were made for each other I think both will know it. So what’s wrong with having a fairy tale relationship, it can happen. Right now I am with my soul mate, and guess what everyone, she found me. Sometimes things like that just happen. We are not in control of everything in our lives, we just need to know when and how to accept the things that come to us.

Both persons need to have a good self esteem , as was said earlier, and not be too clingy. Both need to be understanding and sensitive to each others needs. If you are both confident enough to give each other a little space then things should not get old or boring. It is unhealthy to constantly need someones affection. Persons who are too clingy have a self confidence problem that they need to work on but this will not necessarily cause someone to leave a relationship because as I said earlier, both people need to be equipped with understanding as well and have an ear to listen to one another.

If you have something on your mind you should think about how you say it before you say it so that you don’t hurt anyone’s feelings. Both men and women can get their feeling hurt easily if people are not careful how they say things. Communication is the key to a good relationship. That also has to do with understanding and listening to one another’s needs. You cannot put your needs first, which goes back to being sensitive to one another’s needs. True love is not selfish. True love is kind and patient. There are not many people these days who are willing to sacrifice for love and I think that is sad.

I also think that it’s funny how illiterate people have so much to say about relationships but can’t even speak right. Wow! But while making some good points it all boils down to this. A relationship takes 2 to make it work. An even effort from both parties. If you really want a relationship to work you have to stop pointing your finger at the other person and figure out what it is that you can do to make things better. This goes for men and women. (By the way, I am a man).

Thanks for the input everyone. It made me realize how few problems my relationship has.

By: Madeleine Clarkson

Madeleine Clarkson — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 16:51:09 +0000

The most important thing we can develop as women and men is high self-esteem. We also need to develop understanding of ourselves and other people and become very adept at expressing this – easier said than done! We learn these skills through life – mistakes, reading books, advice, trial and error – we are all in school today and sometimes it feels as though it’s permanently double physics on a wet afternoon.
What is the balance between selfishness and good self-respect? What is the balance between assertiveness and aggression? What is the balance between your needs and their needs? When should I sleep with someone – when shouldn’t I? What is the balance between nurturer and wild lover?

I don’t believe there are any magic tactics – follow steps 1 to 5 and all will be well. A couple of my female friends are presently dating and one of them asked me: Is there a book out at the moment which tells men to tell women they are looking to settle down and have children – because she was told this on about 5 first dates. I suggested they must’ve read a ‘how to bed a woman’ book – tell woman you are looking to settle down, etc and she’ll shag you. It’s similar to the tactics of negative flirting with women. I would suggest women read these books and a) have a good laugh and b) be wary of the losers who have read them – they are a fascinating read.

Whilst we are trying to find ‘love’ – We are living in an age of easily available porn, of easy sex, where cheating is easy – it’s no wonder that women are pulling their hair out. They are compared with airbrushed images of models, have to understand their emotions and the man’s, be seductive but also nurturing, be confident and assertive but gentle, be excellent communicators and a great cook, etc.

At the end of the day, you have to look at what makes you happy and go with it. Do not try and fix what cannot be fixed, do not beat yourself up because someone doesn’t fancy you, do not go over and over and over things in your head, do not think losing weight and having botox is the answer, do not spend years sobbing in tissues, do not run men down, do not run women down, do not run yourself down. Take the lesson and move on…….x

By: Barbara Davis

Barbara Davis — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 14:35:44 +0000

Sorry: Take it from an OLD SCHOOL GIRL, the men are on top because too many of us are on our backs! Sound to simple, I would never buy a cow when I can drink milk all day, free or maybe he ( all the men we are complaining about) may spend a few dollars, so what, what’s a few dollars. To day women are so needy, being educated you would think we would be smarter. Prostitutes are smarter, they understand the deal. Men want sex, lots of sex( most men ). But they don’t fall in love thru sex ( other wise prostitutes, girl friends and mistresses would be married ) How much more proof do you need. Unless women as a whole realize they can’t find love thru giving sex to men, they will never respect us as something of value and someone to love. Men use to get their needs met by marrying some girl who did not give her trump care a way.

By: Barbara Davis

Barbara Davis — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 17:40:35 +0000

Take it from an OLD SCHOOL GIRL, the men or on Top because too many of us are on our backs! Sound to simply, I would never buy a cow when I can drink milk all day, free or maybe he may spend a few dollas, so what, what’s a few dollars. To day women are so needy, being educated you would think we would be smarter. Prostitutes are smarter, they understand the deal. Men want sex, lots of sex. But they don’t fall in love thru sex ( Other wise prostitutes,girl friends and mistress would be married ). How much more proof do you need. Unless women as a whole realize they can’t find love thru giving sex to men, they will never respect us as something of value.

By: unspoken

unspoken — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 20:41:34 +0000

Your book should have been named as “How to help a women in her relationship” ….not ‘Catch him and keep him’ …

Christian you are offending many women by saying “you have do all the adjustments…men r what they r… so if u want a man.. u change not him’… which is offending…

I agree with all your theories…they are all true.. one needs to change. But this applies for any human being who wants to be in a relationship..