And about Christian Carter: I agree with everyone that his stuff is wordy. He doesn’t use paragraphs. It infuriated me to read it, too. But I’ve been listening to his CDs for a while now. At first I was put off, because some of the women that he interviewed were so Valley Girl. But I have to say that I’ve learned a GREAT DEAL in the last two years. I listen to the CDs in my car, then I read the books that are suggested, and I go go the websites of the people he interviews, and I read their books, too, and listen to their CDs.

I will get out there soon and find my treasure of a man, and I will feel like I’m prepared. Thank you, Christian.

They admire the relationship and family we have built over 19 years. We are fit, happy and romantically in love. It isn’t luck. People can do this.

It takes Spirituality, Love and Maturity. If you nurture your Spirit and become fun, loving and attractive from the inside out, you become incredibly popular with others including your mate.

You also become content with your own company and not “needy”. You won’t be “played” because you aren’t the softy you were inside, you’ll come from strength for a change.

In a nutshell, you have tried outer things. You have bought the outfits, the cars, the hair style, the teeth whitening, but you don’t have (credit to Allan Bloom here) a “beautiful soul”.

Most people today cannot define a beautiful soul, but beautiful souls are sexy, powerful and attractive, even in denim cutoffs and without makeup.

JP

I’m a guy and I agree with most of what’s said here, if spoken in generalities. Most of us are twats to say the least, however I know there are at least some guys out there that don’t use their downstairs region to do all the thinking.

Don’t let the common generalised male destroy your outlook on life.

When a woman begins to relate to a man, her most important decision is whether she wants to be his treasure or to be his toy. This determines whether he plays with her or stays with her.

Watch how a little boy plays with a toy truck – he rolls it this way and that, he focuses all his attention on it until he gets tired of the truck. Then he dumps it and runs off to play with some other toy. Sometimes he’ll hit the truck or throw it against the wall when he’s tired of it.

A boy may choose a favorite toy which becomes his treasure. A boy never hurts his treasure, he takes good care of it, and his treasure gets huge amounts of attention.

Grandmothers say, “The difference between men and boys is the size of their toys.” When a boy plays with a girl, she may get attention for a while, but it seldom ends well. We see letters in newspapers and blogs, “Why doesn’t he call me any more?” It’s simple – he got tired of playing with you and moved on to another toy; at least he didn’t throw you against the wall. The solution is not to wish that men were different, the solution is to position yourself so that you become a man’s treasure instead of being his toy.

Toy or Treasure, It’s Up To You

Our whole society teaches girls to act like toys and teaches boys to play with a girl instead of staying with her. Magazine ads and TV shout that the only thing that matters about a girl is what men think of her looks, but when a girl dresses in “marketing mode,” she labels herself “toy.” Men are extremely possessive – if a girl shows too much of herself for every man to see, she can’t be any man’s unique, precious treasure.

An even better way to be a man’s toy instead of his treasure is to have sex with him. Men are as emotional as women in that if a man loves a woman and cares about her, it hurts him just as much for her to betray him or dump him as it hurts a woman when a man dumps or betrays her. Most men try not to let their emotions get tangled up with women, the down-side is too painful.

A man’s emotions become bound to a woman as he opens his heart to her just as a woman’s emotions become bound to a man by opening her body to him. If she has sex before he marries her, he’ll shut down further emotional involvement because he can’t trust her. She had sex with him without marriage, how can he trust her not to have sex with someone else? Sex without marriage puts a woman firmly in the “toy” category. Men play with toys, they marry treasures.

A woman sets her value by what she does. If a man can have her for the price of a few dinner dates, she isn’t worth much. If, on the other hand, she insists that he marry her and become hers before he takes her, she’s much more valuable. She kept him off until he married her; he can trust her to keep other men off, too.

Having Sex Versus Making Love

A man’s most important characteristic from a woman’s point of view is that he value her as a person. Getting a man’s emotions involved with her takes time. Women would much rather make love than have sex, but the difference between having sex and making love lies in the man’s heart and mind. If she lets him have her before he’s let his emotions become bound to her, they have sex. Even if he marries her, he’ll seldom let his emotions become really involved with her because she became a toy. She has to make him wait until he’s opened his heart to her. If she makes him wait until he knows her well enough as a person to know she could be his treasure and then makes him wait even longer until he proves she’s his treasure by marrying her, they make love each time they come together.

If a man doesn’t love a woman, having sex with her won’t make him love her and usually ensures that he won’t let himself love her. If he loves and treasures her, on the other hand, making love makes him love her more, particularly if she encourages him to take her and thanks him afterward.

Good and Bad, Toy and Treasure

There was a day when most girls agreed that no girl would have sex with a man unless he married her first. Men wanted sex so they got married.

There were bad girls, of course, but even though men are pretty clueless about women, any man could tell the difference – if a girl would have sex without marriage, she was a bad girl whom he shouldn’t marry, if she wouldn’t, she was a good girl and it was OK to marry her.

Now that most girls act like bad girls, how does a man know whom to marry? A man has no way of knowing; it’s safer not to marry at all.

Teaching Him To Treasure You

I’ve talked to lots of girls, not one wants to be a man’s toy. A woman almost always wants a man to stay with her, she doesn’t want him to play with her, she wants to get married.

The usual method of finding a husband is to start dating a boy and hope he decides she’s a treasure. If you look at your friends’ relationships with men, you’ll see that this method doesn’t work very well. It also makes a man think you’ve lied to him, “We were having such a good time until she started talking marriage,” I’ve heard men wail.

“Don’t be silly,” I tell them, “you know perfectly well that women want to get married, that’s why you lie to them and pretend that there’s a relationship.”

“Yeah, but if she wants to get married, she shouldn’t tell me she doesn’t want to get married.”

Suppose a girl decides she wants to be a man’s treasure so that he’ll treat her as his treasure. How does she become a man’s treasure instead of his toy?

The solution is as simple and as difficult as staying off drugs, “Just say NO!” Don’t play hard to get, be hard to get.

The difficulty is that most men are so used to treating women as toys that it won’t occur to a man that you’re anything but a toy. Since he won’t think of it, you’ll have to tell him you’re a treasure before the first date.

When a man asks you out, say something like,

“Before you spend any money on me, I want you to know that I want to get married. I’m looking for a husband; I’m not just looking for a good time. I’m not saying you have to agree to marry me before we go out at all, but I want you to agree that the purpose of being together is to decide whether you and I should get married.”

In today’s “hookup” culture, that’ll boggle his mind. You’ll have to explain:

“I want to be a treasure for some man. I want to be such a treasure for my husband that he’ll value me so much that he likes being with me and enjoys talking to me. If you’re not that man, we can part friends, but I’m not a toy. I want a man to stay with me; I don’t want a man to play with me. You’re a nice guy; I could easily fall in love with you. If I find myself loving you and you won’t marry me, I’ll be hurt.

The marriage vows say, ‘to have and to hold.’ I expect my husband to have me, but I don’t want a man to just take me. Being your treasure means I want to give myself to you whenever you want me because giving myself to you makes you happy with me. You’ll want to make love five times before breakfast and start in again when you get home from work. That’s a bit much from my point of view, but that’s what men think ‘to have and to hold’ means.

But if I’m yours, I expect you to be mine. I want to have my husband, but men don’t like being taken any more than women do. Being mine means that you want to open your heart to me because giving yourself to me makes me happy with you. I want you to open your heart to me five times before breakfast and talk more when you get back from work. I want to know what you’re doing. I want to know your feelings, I want to know what’s on your heart. When you talk to people I know, I want to know what everybody said, what they were all wearing, and how everybody felt about what was said. Opening your heart to me bores and humbles you just as opening my body to you bores and humbles me. My emotions are made so that it’s hard for me to be yours if you aren’t mine. Opening my body to you makes me yours; opening your heart to me makes you mine. That’s how we float each other’s boats.

If you belong to me while treating me as your very own special treasure, I’ll be glad to be yours. If I enjoy giving myself to you and being yours, you’ll be glad to belong to me. Being glad to belong to each other will bring us great joy all our days. But if you aren’t willing to at least consider marriage, please don’t waste my time.”

It’s hard for a man to understand a woman’s need for a deep, open relationship. If a man is willing to listen to a woman’s explanation of her needs long enough to begin to grasp what she’s talking about, he’s a decent prospect.

I know a few women who’ve said that up front and it worked. When their husbands tell the story, most other men agree that they’d be interested in a woman who wanted to be a treasure for her husband. A treasure they’d marry; why marry a used toy? If a man won’t even consider marrying a woman who tells him very nicely that she plans to be a treasure for her husband, why date him at all? But if he decides a) she is a treasure and b) she’s his treasure and c) he wants her enough to marry her, she’s worth his life. It then becomes her heart for his heart, her mind for his mind, and her life for his life. When it’s balanced in that way, they can enjoy each other for years on end.