Comments on: Not Letting Distant Non-Committal Men Drain You

By: Paula

Paula — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 06:46:01 +0000

I have lived with a man for 12 years who is like this. He has nearly destroyed me! I’ve learnt how to be strong now – after coming out of denial. I gave all the love I could give and now I’m completely drained. I just want to be well and happy and live – must look after myself now is the professional advice I’ve been given..

All women beware of men with mental illness or personality disorders! If they do acknowledge their problem and genuinely seek treatment, then maybe okay – depending, (Kim & Steve Cooper’s site – ‘the Love Safety Net’ can be very helpful) but otherwise you should seriously consider separating (safely) to protect yourself and family. Seek advice before leaving though as it can be a dangerous time… “To thine own self be true”!

By: Carolyn

Carolyn — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 07:07:46 +0000

I dated one such man. Emotionally unavailable and he exerts a lot of passive aggressive behaviour on me. The best way to deal with it? Dump him and move on with your life. It is better to be a happy single than to be a sad partner to such a man.

By: Tarha

Tarha — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 06:00:16 +0000

My boyfriend is slowly killing me with his emotionally unavaillibility he is so quick to just walk past me and not say a word when i try to hold his hand he holds it fo a second then pulls,away we can never talk bout amyfhing serious or emotional
…i feal soo unloved sometimes!!!

By: Geebz

Geebz — Sat, 27 Aug 2011 14:01:40 +0000

^Sarah speaks truth.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 19:29:57 +0000

I agree with the comment above. I’ve tried the route of being compassionate, patient and understanding with an emotionally unavailable man– sure he would do everything I asked him to but after 5 years it felt like I was dating a puppy.
If you’re going the distance with an emotionally immature man, just remember that you’ll ALWAYS have to keep asking, they will never ever anticipate your needs or concerns and getting them to show they care about you will always be like pulling teeth.
Also, notice that the writer of this article was careful to use qualifiers and say “most men”–meaning that there ARE men who are capable of sensitivity.
I understand the argument made about not comparing because of course, it is ridiculous to expect perfection and this will lead to constant criticism, however–don’t walk around with horse blinders either. Emotional unavailability is not something you can change in a person–all this writer is advocating is tolerance. I’m sorry but you can’t love someone into showing love to you if they just don’t know how to show it. The only ‘limiting belief’ here is convincing yourself you don’t deserve better.

PS, I found better :)

By: You're Wrong

You're Wrong — Sun, 19 Jun 2011 03:40:00 +0000

This is nonsense. Emotionally unavailable men are not and will never be good partners. The best way to deal with them is to break up and move on to someone who doesn’t have those issues. Simple.

By: vanessa

vanessa — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 04:33:13 +0000

This is great, and so true (I learned it the hard way)

By: amy

amy — Sat, 26 Feb 2011 00:25:50 +0000

Been living w/ him for 1yr. together.in our apt.

By: amy

amy — Sat, 26 Feb 2011 00:25:00 +0000

How can I deal w/ unemotionally available man in my life? Please let me know cause I’ve beem w/ him for 2 yrs./ we’re engaged!

By: Sally

Sally — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 21:47:43 +0000

Dear Christian,

You’ve mentioned how men withdraw or get distant which is absolutely true (glad I’m not the only one who’s suffering from that). But, you didn’t say how to deal with it? Say a man gets too defensive and withdraws or got in anger and hurted me. What am I supposed to do?