Comments on: Dates #2 And #3: What They Mean To Him http://www.datingquestionsforwomen.com/dates-2-and-3-what-they-mean-to-him Dating Secret by Christian Carter and more. Thu, 02 Feb 2012 03:54:12 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Li http://www.datingquestionsforwomen.com/dates-2-and-3-what-they-mean-to-him/comment-page-1#comment-2227 Li Sat, 09 Jul 2011 17:29:25 +0000 http://www.datingquestionsforwomen.com/?p=171#comment-2227 Thank you Michelle and Pam. I have racked my brain endlessly about what I did wrong and both of your comments together have answered many of my questions. This is a guy who would call me everyday for 5 months with a I miss you text thrown in now and then at least 3 times a week.. who suddenly decided he does not feel emotionally connected to me and broke up. We really can't control what other people want for themselves, even if they are the most wonderful people in the world-this guy was ..is but we come with our own baggage and that really determines what we will accept in our partner. I thought this guy was it he was caring, loving, affectionate, funny, gentle, very balanced, organized maybe a little too much(red flag here), attractive..you all get the point. I fell in love and he didn't..end of story. After a month of being in hell and misery trying to figure it out, I have given up. I know I will never know. Thank you Michelle and Pam. I have racked my brain endlessly about what I did wrong and both of your comments together have answered many of my questions.
This is a guy who would call me everyday for 5 months with a I miss you text thrown in now and then at least 3 times a week.. who suddenly decided he does not feel emotionally connected to me and broke up. We really can’t control what other people want for themselves, even if they are the most wonderful people in the world-this guy was ..is but we come with our own baggage and that really determines what we will accept in our partner. I thought this guy was it he was caring, loving, affectionate, funny, gentle, very balanced, organized maybe a little too much(red flag here), attractive..you all get the point. I fell in love and he didn’t..end of story. After a month of being in hell and misery trying to figure it out, I have given up. I know I will never know.

]]> By: Pam http://www.datingquestionsforwomen.com/dates-2-and-3-what-they-mean-to-him/comment-page-1#comment-2149 Pam Tue, 15 Feb 2011 12:21:45 +0000 http://www.datingquestionsforwomen.com/?p=171#comment-2149 I agree with Michelle. I think you do a great disservice by putting the burden on women to be responsible when a man chooses not to pursue more than 3 or 4 dates with them. As a woman, I have also been in the position where I have dated a man for a few months and decided there were just too many non-negotiables or red flags that popped up and I was not going to continue to date him. It sometimes takes quite a few dates to ferret out what I consider personality pathology in another person. I have found that men who have deep seated issues with their mothers (childhood trauma for example) rarely make good partners -- especially if these men never experience therapy or even acknowledge that this is a problem. Men with few or no close friends -- run the other way. Men who profess their undying love for you when you have only known them a couple of months -- run and never look back!!! There is also the possibility that a man will stop calling after a few dates because he sees the woman as "out of his league". There are men with low self-esteem issues. There are men who see what I have accomplished in my life from a career, educational and property standpoint. Some of these men feel they have nothing to offer and reject the idea of a relationship because they fear pursuing this is a dead end and will only lead to their being rejected in the end. I have actually had a guy tell me this was the reason why he started distancing himself from our relationship of one year. So what I would say is this, both men and women make choices as to what makes a good partner for them and women who take their time and look for red flags and don't ignore them will have a better chance of finding a potential partner who is emotionally healthy enough to truly commit to a relationship with all its ups and downs. I agree with Michelle. I think you do a great disservice by putting the burden on women to be responsible when a man chooses not to pursue more than 3 or 4 dates with them. As a woman, I have also been in the position where I have dated a man for a few months and decided there were just too many non-negotiables or red flags that popped up and I was not going to continue to date him. It sometimes takes quite a few dates to ferret out what I consider personality pathology in another person. I have found that men who have deep seated issues with their mothers (childhood trauma for example) rarely make good partners — especially if these men never experience therapy or even acknowledge that this is a problem. Men with few or no close friends — run the other way. Men who profess their undying love for you when you have only known them a couple of months — run and never look back!!!

There is also the possibility that a man will stop calling after a few dates because he sees the woman as “out of his league”. There are men with low self-esteem issues. There are men who see what I have accomplished in my life from a career, educational and property standpoint. Some of these men feel they have nothing to offer and reject the idea of a relationship because they fear pursuing this is a dead end and will only lead to their being rejected in the end. I have actually had a guy tell me this was the reason why he started distancing himself from our relationship of one year.

So what I would say is this, both men and women make choices as to what makes a good partner for them and women who take their time and look for red flags and don’t ignore them will have a better chance of finding a potential partner who is emotionally healthy enough to truly commit to a relationship with all its ups and downs.

]]> By: Michelle http://www.datingquestionsforwomen.com/dates-2-and-3-what-they-mean-to-him/comment-page-1#comment-1874 Michelle Sat, 12 Dec 2009 17:23:14 +0000 http://www.datingquestionsforwomen.com/?p=171#comment-1874 Christian, I understand what you are saying, but it is unfair to blame the woman when a man does not want to continue after several dates. Most women are not so crazy as to show more than "I am having a great time with you", most are not demanding a lot of explanation or pressuring him. Most simply are thinking - oh, this could go somewhere, I wonder if it will, and wow, this makes me a tiny but anxious until we are a little more settled. I just went on three dates with someone and I know we had a great time, and at no time did I ask him anything about where it was going, or what he was doing, or what he was thinking. It is too easy for me to make a list of things that I did wrong, but pressuring him for a commitment or anything was not one of them. He was just not that into me, and he was not the guy for me. I did everything that you preach as "cool girl" behavior. I was fun, challenging, flirty, engaging etc. I cannot control if he wants to see me again, I can only control how I am during the time I am with him, and smile and be good company. I did not assume that at three dates, we were anything then three dates, and I assumed he was still dating others. You cannot control other people, and it is very dangerous to assume that if you do everything right, it will always work out. Christian,

I understand what you are saying, but it is unfair to blame the woman when a man does not want to continue after several dates. Most women are not so crazy as to show more than “I am having a great time with you”, most are not demanding a lot of explanation or pressuring him. Most simply are thinking – oh, this could go somewhere, I wonder if it will, and wow, this makes me a tiny but anxious until we are a little more settled.

I just went on three dates with someone and I know we had a great time, and at no time did I ask him anything about where it was going, or what he was doing, or what he was thinking. It is too easy for me to make a list of things that I did wrong, but pressuring him for a commitment or anything was not one of them. He was just not that into me, and he was not the guy for me.

I did everything that you preach as “cool girl” behavior. I was fun, challenging, flirty, engaging etc. I cannot control if he wants to see me again, I can only control how I am during the time I am with him, and smile and be good company.

I did not assume that at three dates, we were anything then three dates, and I assumed he was still dating others. You cannot control other people, and it is very dangerous to assume that if you do everything right, it will always work out.

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